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"The higher the dream betrayed, the deeper the bitterness. If the man survives he will be on guard against dreams as a shepherd watches for wolves."
An uneasy solace - that was what Biome Four was said to provide.
Her paw scuffed against the ground. Ice shards, small and cold enough to burn came loose with it. She didn't come here often; days spent by the beach left her longing for the warmth of the sun's rays. To deny this place it's beauty would be a crime, but to say she was out of her comfort zone would be nothing short of an understatement.
The cold was mind numbing, though perhaps that was what she had stumbled up here for. A sharp gaze would trace along the space before her. She should go home. Turn back and hide herself under a blanket. Nothing had even caught her interest up here. Nothing memorable had happened here before, but still her mind whirred with retrospection, memories so detailed that for a second Curt was sure she was reliving them.
She had been the second only to Iorveth. Timid, and thin from the very beginning. A runt. A weakling. Being ambitious from the get-go had always been a stupid idea. She was glad she'd learned. Grow stronger, more mature, and happier.
"Who cares? You'll never be as strong as them anyway."
One male, five females. That was the makeup of her happy family.
What a good sister she was. Nowadays she could hardly remember what any of her siblings had looked like. Iorveth, Showkit, Softkit, Delilah, Ephemeral; they were like figures of the past now. If they had chosen not to stick around it wasn't her problem, but oh God it was her problem. Curt had not been a good big sister. Big sisters were supposed to watch over their siblings. She had not. When she had once had the chance she'd been too selfish to think about it. She missed them. She missed her family.
"Where are you?"
That went for her parents, too. Twelve months and she still knew nothing of Lucy. Twelve months and she had hardly even seen Volcanicstar. Great leaders. Sub-par parents. They had tried. Didn't stop the hole they'd left in their absence. Curt could deal with it, but she'd be damned if it was easy.
"It couldn't have ended on a good note, could it?"
She'd been tired for a long time now; maybe she'd always been that way. It was a draining fatigue that could place behind her for a while and pretend it wasn't important, but it would always spring back like a bullet. She could remember feeling the same way as a kitten. That had been the darkest part of her life - ironically also the easiest. Did she want to go back to that time? No. She'd been a stupid little kid as a kitten and she was just as stupid and childish now. Not much would change.
The cold still hadn't kicked in. Still, she had so many memories to sort through but that tiredness she had shoved away had wriggled it's way back again. It felt unfair to devote so much of her thought time to family. There were so many others that had impacted her in ways she couldn't begin to name. Nighttales, Freckles, Madpaw, Hotline, Afterkit and Yuri, just to name a few. Hell, half of them weren't even around anymore. Why did she care?
"You can't help it."
She could. She'd been an apathetic prick before and she could live like that again.
"No you can't."
Wasn't the first time disembodied voices had told her what to think. No, she couldn't.
Ever so quietly she moved to the bank, gaze crisp as she surveyed the water. It moved so quickly, swift and strong. It'd be so easy to slip below the waters and let herself be carried away. It wouldn't have been suicide - not intentional, anyway. These were the thoughts that whirred away in her head as she moved closer, inch by inch.
Ah, she could see where the uneasy solace come from.
She had stepped down. She didn't have anything left to give anymore, so what was the point? She loved her clanmates regardless, but she was.. tired. Besides, she could always come back. It was a feat she had done twice before - hell, what about that old 'cats have nine lives' theory? Proved to be true she had another several rounds. Foolish to use them all up, she knew, but she'd always been a coward. What else was she going to use them for?
The water was more painful, faster than she'd experienced before. There were no memories after that, just emptiness. She'd been in search of that mind numbing cold, after all. Foolishly dragged from icy bank the cream femme would bob beneath the water once, twice, limbs instinctively scrambling for shore, lungs fighting for air. No avail, she wasn't getting anywhere. Unconsciousness came pretty quickly, and death followed in the same way.
Her last breath last time around had been a whimper of "I'm sorry." There was no remorse found this time around, just a single "Thank you," that rang through her mind as her lungs heaved one last breath and she was swept beneath the tide once more.
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[ ahh, this has been written and re-written quite a few times, and i'm still not happy with it, but it's finished. no more procrastinating. curt's the first proper character i've ever had, and i'm extremely proud of her, though for ages i've wanted to give her up, but i wanted to do it in the right way. i guess this is it. i'll be back in colouredclan one day, whether it be wit curt or an entirely different character, but i do know that i'm going to miss roleplaying here for the time being. it's been a long few weeks, so i'm glad to at least have one thing out of the way. i'll miss rping with so many of you guys, because colouredclan is where i've learnt so much about writing, so thanks for putting up with me for so long<33 ]