Stranded || MOVED TO DISCORD

(damn it all these songs are edgy and emo and i cant find any to fit a happy gem this is hard))
(Im gonna have to say most of these songs would only fit her if she was depressed as hell)
Citrine:
Fallout boy- My songs know what you did in the dark i guess
Linkin Park- Numb
Owl city- Fireflies obviously cutie

imma do happy songs too so they actually fit
HAPPY SONG BANDS??
Maroon 5
Imagine Dragons

tryyy thosee for happy aa?

Citrine:
Maroon 5- Love Somebody
Imagine Dragons- It's time

ayy those fit better now im satisfyed

i'll do this.. eventually. Wish me lucky on my ROTC finals ^.^

Awe man. I thought I was almost done...! DX merrrr

And you should just say popular bands XD I'd consider Owl City a happy band lol

God I weigh 164lb DX Idk if that bad or good... I could weigh less.... I mean i'm not overweight... XD I dont want people to think that.. I may be the sterotypical teen and say i'm fat but i'm not... XD

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

also can i not do fall out boy. I don't listen to them XD

Can I have those claw fingers they're besutiful
And I'm not going to stop thinking about it till you tell me Silent XD

Now that the switch presentation is over, I finally have the time to share my story.

I met this person in high school. When I met him, he was a girl. For the longest time, we were basically acquaintances. We never shared any classes together during those years, but we did interact a lot in the hallways. He was a really cool person, and we have similar interests. We are both feminists who love cartoons and being geeks. He is a talented artist and amazing writer. He has written poems, stories and plays. I've been around to see said plays get performed. Over time we steadily got closer. During those years, we were trying to figure ourselves out. Identities and such. We supported eachother the entire way through. He was already out as bisexual. When I first identified as asexual, he was one of the first people I revealed this too.

I'm a year older than him, so inevitably I had to leave. I dropped out of high school, and started studying for my GED so I could eventually start attending college courses. At the same time, I had just started working for the family business. School and work consumed my life. I couldn't take the time to actually interact with my old friends. New ones wern't exactly popping up like daisies either. That year was nothing but working and studying.

Since I couldn't take the time to visit my old friends, that responsibility fell on them. He was the only one who would come to visit me at work, and it was a lot of fun everytime. I remember that christmas I bought him a Legend of Zelda hair bow from Hot Topic.

Some months later he came out as trans. He started wearing binders and a much more masculine appearance. A new name and a new set of pronouns. I was worried that this change would be difficult for me. The next time I saw him though, I instantly relaxed. He was still the same amazing person. Nothing truly changed. I didn't have to treat him in any significantly different way. With this realization, the new name and pronouns just came much more naturally to me. There was no effort needed. He turned the hair bow I gave him into a bow tie. I felt so happy.

From that point onwards, the bond grew. He'd visit me at work. I'd go to his plays. We started making plans to cosplay together. When I invited a couple friends to protest the election with me, he was the only one who could make it. He was my best friend. When Halloween came around, we spent it together in matching costumes. We were Finn and Fionna from Adventure Time. Someone at work commented afterwards saying that I had a boyfriend. I declined, insisting we were just friends.

And this was true. I didn't see him in a romantic light at that point. Very close friends if anything. The comment did have significance though. The day after Halloween I briefly thought to myself, "me and him? Together? ....psh, nah!" I brushed it off, since people were shipping me with every guy friend I have.

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He announced over facebook that he had been accepted into a college out of state. I was happy for him, and I still am. But I was also really sad. I didn't understand why I was having such a strong reaction. I've said goodbye to friends before. It's hard to explain, but there was something different to this goodbye.

Days and weeks ticked by. When I wasn't occupied with something else, my thoughts were somehow turning to him. I thought of his laughter and smile. I thought of how excited he'd get over the little things. I thought of how flustered he'd get whenever I lifted and carried him. I thought of how amazingly talented he is. I thought about how kind and smart he is. I thought about how attractive he wa-

"No no no!" I'd interrupt myself. "He's just a really close friend! Nothing more!"

Despite my own denial, I still found myself thinking about him a lot, and these thoughts would trigger a blush and heartbeat.


After a night of these thoughts keeping me awake, I finally considered that I might actually have a crush on him. The following day I finally accepted it.

It was winter break at this point, so I already had a lot of time on my hands (most of it was spent at work). Whenever I wasn't working or knitting christmas gifts or scolding myself for stalking his facebook page, I was texting him. Very normal conversations. I wanted to try to subtly flirt with him, with varying degrees of success.

He revealed that he was caught in some sort of love triangle at that moment. Some guy who would be transferring to that high school had contacted him and was text flirting him. This guy however later revealed that he was with some other girl, but their relationship was failing. He wanted to work things out with her before he could full on flirt. I felt very defeated. There was little reason to pursue him at that point. I felt that admitting my feelings would only complicate things further. I kept it a secret during that time. As we continued texting, we ended up scheduling two sleepovers. One for the day after christmas, the other for new years.

As the days ticked by, my anxiety grew and grew. He ended up deciding that he didn't want to be a part of the love triangle anymore, since Mr. Bella Swan couldn't seem to get his shit together. While he was proclaiming me to be his best friend, I was kinda dying inside.

This whole crush thing was suffocating. I felt like I was being eaten alive from the inside out. The anxiety and tension was almost overwhelming. I knew that in the long run, he'd be moving away. But until then, I still had a window of opportunity. I still had a chance. In the end I decided to take it.

I called him up on my cell phone and confessed.

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He was very surprised. Almost at a lost for words. Meanwhile I was stumbling over my own words, trying to explain that it was perfectly fine if he didn't feel the same way. I still valued his friendship.

He told me that he needed some time to think it over.

"I can't believe I just did that" was the first thing I said after hanging up.

Despite the insane amount of anxiety I was feeling, a lot of the tension was gone. I felt like I could finally breathe.

The following day was spent being very angry, moody and grumpy. I decided to give him 2 to 3 days to think his answer over before I check in myself. In the meantime, I was under a lot of stress. I couldn't really function at work, and I couldn't tell anyone why.

Later that night however, I got a phone call back. He said that he decided to give me a chance.

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The next several days was something out of a fairytale. We text flirted openly. I could finally tell him how wonderful I thought he was without any fear. We decided that the previously planned sleepovers would be our test run. If they went well, we could officially date and wear the boyfriend-girlfriend titles. It sounded like a plan. Until then, we were spamming heart emojis. We ended up developing our own little thing. A conversation led to him using a bunch of flower emojis. I noticed how he liked using the hibiscus the most, and he responded by saying it was like another heart. Using the hibiscus in place of the heart emoji was kinda our thing. I asked about the love triangle and he brushed it off. "I'd rather date my best friend than a guy I barely know." He said that he liked me, and I felt like the happiest girl in the world.

There was one catch though. I had known him for a long time at this point, even before he transitioned. My Mom still uses the wrong name and pronouns to this day, and has admitted that she still thinks of him as a girl. He told me that his family still thought of him in a similar vein, and that he was a little insecure. Cuz of his trans identity, he was open to homophobia no matter which gender he dated. Since we didn't want to be accused of being lesbians, we decided to keep our relationship under the radar. While I hated having to keep this a secret, it was always worth it. Sneaking around to text or sometimes call him was actually a little fun. It gave me a happy place to go to when everything else was stressful. Plus I found it amusing that while my Mom was bitching about her awful boyfriend, I was in the back seat texting the most amazing guy out there.

Christmas came and went. He finally came to my place to sleepover. We spent some time in the kitchen with Mom on our best behavior. We made Pokémon shaped cookies, and they actually turned out decent. After playing a couple rounds of wii sports, we retreated upstairs to my room with a metric fuck ton of treats. I had previously arranged for Mom and her boyfriend to spend time together downstairs, so we had my room all to our selves.

We spent the night watching Steven Universe together and cuddling. Netflix and Chill basically (in the literal sense, mind you. Get your head out of the gutter). At one point as we watched the show on my laptop, he was laying on my chest. I asked if my boob was comfortable, just to get a reaction out of him. It was hilarious.

The following day my Mom and her boyfriend left for work. We had the entire place to ourselves. What do we do? Go outside and play Pokémon Go of course! He just happened to bring his pikachu hoodie, and I just happened to have received a squirtle hoodie for christmas. We may as well have been matching! There's a mall within walking distance from my place, so we went there. We looked around the place, checking out stores and catching pokémon. Throughout this entire adventure, he'd frequently put his arm around me or we'd hold hands. When we got back home, we just resumed our SU cuddle sessions until he had to go.

I was over the moon. I felt that it went so well. I loved him so much, and his affirmations of "I like you" and "I'm happy you told me" fueled it even more. Things couldn't be more perfect.

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An hour after he left, he called me over the phone. He admitted to me that while he was having fun, he just wasn't feeling any sort of romantic attraction. He told me that he didn't want to lead me on, and wanted to just stay friends. He affirmed that it had nothing to do with me. It was a very, "it's not you, it's me" moment. My spirits dropped instantly. I said "ok" and hung up.

I didn't want to think about what just happened. I instead spent a few hours playing video games, temporarily forgetting. The moment I put the controller down and turned the system off, thoughts instantly flooded my mind.

I spent the next week in a state of distress, sadness and betrayal. My Mom noticed my mood, and pressured me to tell her what was going on. I just vaguely told her that a guy I liked had rejected me. She kept pushing for answers, as well as making her own assumptions. I affirmed that it had nothing to do with me. I was not inadequate as a partner, and that I didn't need to go sign up for a gym and lose weight. I finally got her to shut up by telling her that if I told her what was happening, she'd figure out who the mystery boy is. And if she found out who he was, she'd hate me. She said she didn't want to hate me, and finally backed off to let me mourn.

I thought we had something. I truly thought there was something there. I thought that everything was working out beautifully. That I was getting this epic winter romance wrapped in a neat little bow. He said he liked me. He was sending me heart and hibiscus emojis. We were text flirting and daydreaming about what our first date would look like. We were actively ducking around and sneaking past our families to contact eachother. We cuddled and took turns putting our arms around eachother. We played Pokémon Go while holding hands. Was that all for nothing? Had I just been played for a fool?

The second sleepover was never cancelled. We thought it would be suspicious if a get together we had been hyping up to our families was suddenly called off. So we went through with it.

We spent that night in his basement. Pajamas and more Steven Universe. It was somewhat awkward at first. This slowly melted away, and we were feeling a little more comfortable. For several hours however, we didn't talk about that part of our relationship. We just focused on the adventures of the crystal gems, and it was alot of fun.

At one point past midnight, the conversation somehow got us to share some of our deeper darker secrets. Our past, and the things we would normally keep hidden thanks to ptsd alone. Remembering my own traumas, as well as learning about his, I was trembling. I asked if I could hug him, and we embraced. I felt so comfortable and safe in his arms. He smelled a little of cologne. Not the overwhelming kind like you'd find on a fucc boi. It was more subtle, and smelled nice. I admitted to him that throughout the entire night, I had been mentally scolding myself each and everytime I looked at him in a romantic light. We finally got to talk about us.

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He repeatedly apologized, feeling incredibly bad for making me feel bad. He never wanted to hurt me. He admitted that his feelings were rather conflicting. He enjoyed those romantic interactions, but wasn't sure of how he truly felt towards me. "I think I like you" were his words. Overall, he was unsure. But in that moment, it was a positive. I could hear his heart beating, and hearing the words that were exchanged over text. We were already embraced, and this quickly turned into cuddling. I told him that while we could cuddle tonight, we wern't going to go back to text flirting until he figured himself out. If he kept going "i like you, oh wait no" back and forth, I was gonna get mad. We laughed and made that agreement.

3AM and lights were off. Instead of sleeping on that big futon, were just cuddling. I admitted that while I wanted to kiss him, I didn't want to rush into it. We agreed to just go for forehead and cheek kisses. We were very quick to break that rule. We were eachother's first kiss, and it was amazing. Physically it wasn't anything interesting, just lips on lips. Meh. Since I was sharing this was someone I loved very much however, it felt like a high. We kissed and cuddled that night, and it was amazing.

The following day was spent in a similar fashion to the previous sleepover. We went outside and played Pokémon Go. At first it was romantic. Hand holding and a cheek kiss or two. Eventually however as I was working out a travel plan with Mom, we came to a realization.

It just wasn't going to work out. We were too scared to be open about our relationship with our own families, which was a hassle. We both had our own futures coming right up. I'm in college pursuing multiple possible careers, one of them being to take over the family business. He is trying to graduate from high school so he could move out of state and pursue his own playwriting dreams. He contemplated on his own feelings, stating that he liked the kisses and cuddles allot, but still didn't feel any romantic attraction at all. He didn't want to be dishonest.

While these were basically some of the same points laid over on that phone call, it was different this time. Neither of us were high off of cuddles or something. We were both quite sober. This wasn't something being dumped on me over a phone call. This was a discussion that I was an active participant in. We talked it over and came to that agreement. We agreed to remain friends. One final cheek kiss sealed the deal.

The last time we agreed to just be friends, I was sad and betrayed. This time is different. I got the big picture now. I understand what was happening. I'm not sad or angry or hurt. Instead I feel nostalgic. I look back on what happened fondly. In the end, I don't have any regrets. It didn't work out the way I would've liked, but that's okay. This was the first time I ever pursued a romantic interest, and I ended up with one heck of a winter break. The Epic Winter Romance had reached a satisfactory conclusion.

i'd love to go to school with a pencil mark on my face

and kawaii, wow thats quite a story i read 150 words a minute and it took me 10 minutes to read that xD
but yeah, i've kinda been through the same thing?? but its different in a way.

HOW DARE CUTE NERD TAKE CUTE URCHIN

Rhodolite: *sparkly eyes* oo

I drew the corruptions that I know about in my mind

o