hit the window -- private

This is an archived version of FeralFront. While you can surf through all the content that was ever created on FeralFront, no new content can be created.
If you'd like some free FeralFront memorabilia to look back on fondly, see this thread from Dynamo (if this message is still here, we still have memorabilia): https://feralfront.com/thread/2669184-free-feralfront-memorabilia/.

    [justify]Matthias oozed awkwardness. The fur along his spine was prickled as he became riddled with the uncomfortable feeling of dread. The squat tomcat was searching for Amour, and he felt completely out of place doing so. Someone so divine, who carried themselves with envious confidence. His ears slicked back to his head and he swallowed thickly. If cats could sweat, he would definitely be doing it. Matt had not talked to anyone about this -- at first, he had thought about asking Matt number two, but he didn't want to scare off his new friend. Amour seemed like someone who was understanding, someone who could help.


    "Amour?" Came his timid call, eyes darting frantically back and forth as he searched for the lanky cheetah. She stuck out quite easily, but Matthias was having a difficult time locating her -- hopefully she wasn't away, he really just wanted to get this off his chest.

    [fancypost bgcolor=; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 325px;][justify][hr]
    [size=4pt]a[/size]
    [justify]Would there ever be a place as beautiful as home?


    Currently settled upon a rock at a high elevation and gazing down at the enchanting Mediterranean setting, Amour sincerely doubted it.


    But it was not what she saw with her eyes that made the land so special. The spot covered female lacked a grand understanding of what beauty was, in the physical sense. That is to say, she had spent the majority of her life dwelling in a region where fetching somatic attributes where often marred. And how. The respect one earned was often synonymous with the number of scars dipping into their flesh; battle wounds, where they could boast, "you should see the other guy."


    No, what was prettiness, really, when you lived in a land where the disfigured commanded and where the greater number of the population also fell into that category? If she could apply such terms in the traditional matter with people, then she could not do so with scenery either. Instead, she looked at the land with a more skeptical eye; the female delving in to what made it an ideal land for her clan mates. It was prey rich, with a diverse territory, and on their high rocky peak it would be difficult for camp to become attacked unnoticed. It was safe, and it kept her and her family and friends well fed.


    But that was not beauty, that was facts. Amour, though not a witness pleasing aesthetics via sight, was not immune to the movement that beauty could stir in an individual. It was not seen with her eyes though, not something to be scanned and awed at. To her, it would always be something felt. Her home was not beautiful because of their powerful see, nor for their breathtaking mountains, nor for their hidden treasures of flower fields. The land was beautiful because it was where her heart lived, where her lungs thrived. In every beat the organ made, in every breath she took, it was always Bloodclan.


    It was there on the high peak of her most secret place that she heard a voice calling her name.


    "Amour?"


    It was a timid tone from a voice who she recognized, albeit not one of utmost familiarity. Matthias was a recent addition to the clan and, despite the short amount of time which he had been there, was already making a name for himself and becoming a common sight to see. He was one of them, whether or not he knew it; one of the creatures who made this place the most beautiful place she could have imagined living. Home. One of those who made the clan what it was, shaping it already into some magnificent destiny.


    What he could possibly want with her, she neglected to understand but was certainly curious to find out about. Stretching quietly, she slipped back into the cavernous tunnel system where Bloodclan made its home, squeezing through a small gap and then finding herself once more submerged mostly in darkness. Her pupils dilating, she quickly adjusted to the shift of lighting and began to make her way towards where she was pretty sure the voice sounded from. Brushing past several warriors who did the same to her, she eventually found the frantic looking tom and immediately felt a trill of worry.


    "Matthias," she greeted calmly, scanning him with narrowed amber eyes, trying to determine the source of the problem. "Is everything okay?"
    [size=4pt]a
    [hr]

    info — updated 11/01

    [/fancypost]

    [justify]Personally, Matthias failed to see the physical beauty in the rugged landscape. The creosote bushes that littered the landscape were unattractive to him, the dirt held no allure, the humid air made him feel like he could have peeled his own fur off. That being said, he held no historical ties to BloodClan like Amour did, so he also failed to see how this hell on Earth was capable of evoking divine feelings of love or breathtaking awe. Whenever he walked, sand buried itself between his toes like ticks did a dog's fur, rattlesnakes shook their tails at him menacingly whenever he trudged too close. What was even worse -- the smell of decomposition that was constantly surrounding him was horrid. It had become a permanent part of Matthias, whether he liked it or not, and while he had become used to the smell, that didn't mean that he still wasn't capable of smelling it. Instead of retching every time it hit his nostrils, the male simply breathed it in as though it were the same chemical makeup as the oxygen in the air. It sickened him to know that, no matter what he did, he would always be inhaling the putrid scent of death.


    His intention had not been to worry Amour, but he was glad that she had heard his call. The mahogany and ivory coloured tomcat didn't want to meet her gaze, and instead his brown eyes remained locked on his paws. Matthias didn't answer her right away, he didn't know how to formulate the words that he wanted to tell her. It was something he wasn't comfortable discussing, and he didn't want Amour to be uncomfortable discussing it with him. Perhaps this had been a bad idea.. no, it was something that he needed to confront because he wanted to be comfortable with it, with himself.


    "I think I'm gay," Matthias blurted out, ears burning hot with embarrassment the second the last word left his mouth. He spit it out quickly, almost disdainfully, but that wasn't how he felt. He did not scorn himself for it, but rather he thought others would look at him with contempt if they found out. Amour, however, did not seem like the type. Realizing that she might fail to see the problem, the tabby continued. "And.. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know if I should.. act on it." He had a crush on someone, but he'd never admit that. "I mean, I think I like girls, too. I think they're pretty," Matthias still thought that Amour was beautiful, "but when I imagine myself dating someone, it's always a guy." His stomach was in knots, it felt like there was an anvil sitting on his chest as the silence between them grew and grew. He had half a mind to try and dig his way out of here, just so he wouldn't have to face his confession. Matthias wanted to distance himself from it, he wanted to act like he was just 'asking for a friend.' No one else he knew struggled with this, why did he have to? It wasn't fair - he didn't ask for this.


    [align=center][spoiler=TAGS — 11/13][fancypost bgcolor= ; border: 0px; font-family: arial; text-align: justify;]general
    [x]matthias | matt
    [x]biromantic bisexual (closeted) | male preference
    [x]roughly 2 years old
    [x]elite member & bloodclan first tier


    social
    [x]single
    [x]no crush
    [x]½ The Matts
    [x]npc x npc | generation 1


    physical
    [x] traditional mountain lion
    [x]brown eyes
    [x]health: 100%
    [x]major injuries: none
    [x]minor injuries: none


    interaction
    [x]medium difficulty
    [x]no offensive powers
    [x]vulnerable to physical & mental attacks
    [x]may powerplay peaceful / nonviolent actions
    [x]attack in bold white
    [x]biography
    [x]plot thread

    [fancypost bgcolor=; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 325px;][justify][hr]
    [size=4pt]a[/size]
    [justify]"I think I'm gay,"


    He had blurted to her, as if hurrying to do so before he could convince himself not to. Amour would tilt her head slightly as she considered this statement, blinking as he went on to describe his feelings towards girls, too, articulating the contrast between idealized romantic encounters and those who he found attractive. The king cheetah could relate, and how.


    Though her situation had been reversed slightly, with her having spent much of her life identifying as a lesbian until suddenly diving into a passionate love affair with patriarch of the ruffians himself, Coppermine Drachen. Her tryst with him had been a game changer, with her recognizing and embracing her bisexuality only to fall under sharp criticism from those who she had cherished most. Even now, though, she had to question her identity somewhat as she struggled to differentiate feelings of genuine romantic love from those of deep friendship. To say the least, sexual orientation was a rather complex topic for some, herself included, and she could wholeheartedly sympathize with the current struggles of Matthias.


    Tilting her head, she would examine him through searching amber eyes. The blotch covered queen was silent for several moments as she considered what kind of advice she could give him. The last thing that she wanted to do was make assumptions about his life, or twist his words incidentally. And, even more importantly, she fought the urge to attach some sort of disclaimer to her statement: do not believe the name, it would say, is possibly the worst person in the world to seek relationship advice from. Amour was not oblivious to her impassioned crimes committed in the moons prior, and though nobody else lived to truly remember the havoc which she had wrecked, she was. And she felt such guilt. But then, this was not giving direct relationship advice, and should be safe. Besides, she could see how torn up this other creature was about this.


    And that was the last thing she wanted.


    "Matthias," she said, her tone almost stern as she examined him. "Act on it. If you picture yourself being in a relationship with a tom, then by all means, do it. Chase your happiness. Nobody in the world has any right to fault you for that, least of all you."
    [size=4pt]a
    [hr]

    info — updated 11/7

    [/fancypost]