LOSE YOUR SOUL / OPEN, JOINING

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    He's nervous again. He hasn't been for a while now — a few days, maybe a week. Things had been alright in ColouredClan, but WindClan keeps haunting him. He doesn't hate them, but, well — maybe he does, in some irrational way. People didn't miss him when they had the other one. Red had, though. It's not that they're close, but he has the possibility of it, and that's not something the canine finds himself too willing to let go of. Maybe he's just clingy. He always has been. Now it was simply a matter of making it less obvious. Darkpaw had considered being stealthy about it, or simply walking up to Red again and saying... Something. Instead, the wolfdog finds himself sitting at the border like any regular person, though pointed ears twitch indecisively against his head. For now, he doesn't speak, simply blinking pale blue eyes and thinking about what the hell he could say when the other canine inevitably found out that he was here, too. It just made him weird.


    / mobile + phone is dying. ^^;
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    info | updated 09/14/2016
    info | updated 09/14/2016

    [fancypost bgcolor= COLOR; border: 0px solid black; font-size: 11px; width: 400px; text-transform: lowercase;]✯ i've got bad body double trouble !
    [/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor= COLOR; border: 0px solid black; color: silver; font-size: 12px; width: 400px;][justify]* * She'd been told off for being too polite and kind to trespassers before, which made sense. She was a little too clam around them- though she wasn't as oblivious and kind as she let herself out to be. She had her dirty secrets that she didn't like to flaunt and all that jazz. Upon seeing Darkpaw sitting silently near the border with no one else around, Raspbel took it upon herself to greet him.


    "Ah, hello!" She called out as she lightly trotted forward. "What is it that brings you here to Shadowclan, dear?"


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    TAGS (UPDATED 8/30/16)

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    [fancypost bgcolor=; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 430px;][justify]Seemed that there were a lot of animals showing up at the border. The mutt tilted his head a it before he shifted from one paw to another. It was fine really. Seeing new faces was a good thing. Well, it was a good thing until they turned out to be a canine. His tongue flicked out and across his muzzle as he eyed the male before he swallowed thickly. Maybe he should eat and tamper down the temptation. After all he couldn't just attack any canine he saw and eat them. Taking in a soft breath he sat down and curled his tail around his paws, waiting to see what this one would say. He seemed like he was a bit tense anyway and he angled his long ears forward with a questioning look in his eyes.
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    mobile tags updated 9/07

    mobile tags updated 9/07

    [align=center][fancypost bgcolor=;border:0px;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:8pt]Orbkit approached on clumsy little paws and settled herself beside Raspbel with little hesitation, simply because the kitten thought she seemed nice, with such a soft, soothing voice. How little did she know. The black smoke smiled briefly at her clanmates before looking to the stranger that settled on the border, looking relatively normal besides the almost anxious flick of their ears, eyes distant, as if lost in thought. She tipped her head to the side, using the time to wonder exactly what the canine could be thinking of.
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    tags ✧ (31/09/16)

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    [size=5pt]TEMPLATE ©BOKEH[/size]


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    GENERAL:
    gordon cipher | female (she/her) | initiate [SHP] of shadowclan; ex-assassin [hp] | physically and mentally 1 year


    PHYSICAL:
    • [CURRENT] golden tabby feline


    INJURIES & SCARS:
    • a long scar from her stomach to her back from bill


    MENTAL HEALTH:
    • anxiety disorder
    • panic disorder
    • post-traumatic stress disorder


    PERSONALITY:
    nervous, easily frightened, anxious, protective, loving, trusting


    RELATIONSHIPS:
    • single
    • panromantic, asexual


    CONFRONTATION:
    • physically easy [color=goldenrod]|     mentally very hard
    [color=goldenrod]•     attack in [color=black]BOLD BLACK
    [color=goldenrod]•     no more than TWO attackers


    [color=goldenrod]OTHER:
    [color=goldenrod]•     all powers
    [color=goldenrod]•     character bond with billiam
    [color=goldenrod]•     if you don't want gordon to interrupt a torture/capture thread, please pm this account or my main to let me know!
    [color=goldenrod]•     playlist

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    His ear flicks again, tail curling, paw clenching against the dirt. Even with the relatively kind voice, Darkpaw can't find it in himself to trust much of anyone. Perhaps it was a good thing that she was being overly kind, even if it was to hide something frightening, because any harsh words would have only spooked the canine farther. He already shuffles as if to back away from her, but decides differently at the last moment. Confidence would make its return later, when things were better. Maybe once he knew their names, their faces. He sighs and inhales to fill emptied lungs. "I'm joining." The wolfdog's tone is quiet and bland, not letting the obvious physical anxiety slip into his voice, yet something about the stranger seems to unnerve him a bit. (It's simple paranoia, really — he doesn't get a good feeling about anyone, except maybe Red.)


    A pale gaze flickers from one person to the next, quickly taking in their features, and the other request that Topgear had made. Sunglasses, shadows, small — gold. He spends a longer moment watching Gordon, until there's a familiar flicker of warmth and gold spiders out from his pupil until it chases away the typical blue. It's brighter than Gordon's fur, but close enough. Darkpaw blinks and it's gone, turning to look back at Topgear. "Darkpaw." He has half a mind to directly ask for Red, but the other half would prefer to avoid him for now. Anxiety, paranoia. He doesn't want to be weird about all of this. (Not that it isn't already weird, following him around like he was.)
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    info | updated 09/14/2016
    info | updated 09/14/2016

    [fancypost bgcolor=;border:0;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:10.5px;line-height:1.4]Nervous. If there was ever a word to fit Red's inner state, it would have to be that one. Perhaps messy would suit just as well, but he's so often on the edge that messiness seems positive, at this stage. To the outsider, somebody who hasn't known him since the beginning, it's easy to pass that off as something regular, something normal, considering how many people are damaged, pieces of them broken off and crushed underfoot — but Red's nervousness doesn't stem from abuse alone, not entirely. Maybe it's because he's not had a single friend, really, since the death of his parents. Maybe it's because the only person he considered getting close to was Dark, and then Dark was swallowed up by Win, who is the universally-accepted better version of a kid he actually appreciated.


    ShadowClan's the sort of place he can get lost in, snagging on roots, and he's thought, more than once, that it resembles his brain — whenever he gets like this, his inner monologue is particularly sharp and snarky, a dry breeze that leaves him feeling empty. Still, he gets a kick out of that sort of thing, making ridiculous jokes that aren't actually jokes if just for the sake of his own, masochistic amusement. After all, when his options are reduced to self-deprecating comments and screaming until his lungs are stripped of their layers, there isn't much he can do to retain an outward appearance of sanity other than twist his lips into a bitter smile and deal with what's thrown at him in the only way he knows how. When he's alone, he's dangerous, and most often to himself. A lack of friends has broken him.


    But a familiar voice carries more hope than he'd expected, one that halts him, changes his path, pushes him in a nigh-blind stumble to where a group of his new clan-mates have gathered around a familiar face, whited-out eyes widening behind the crimson mask, and for a while, he just stares, because if this is coincidence, it's awfully.. coincidental. ".. Dark?" It's the kid who somehow drew a grin without actually doing anything, the kid who disappeared but then reappeared, different but the same, the same but different, and— "Fancy seeing you here. Following me?" there's a half-smile in that, lips lifting tiredly against his will, his tone light with dimmed mirth, because he genuinely doesn't know. He's just glad to see him.
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    ✧ — updated 09/27
    ✧ — updated 09/27

    [fancypost bgcolor= COLOR; border: 0px solid black; font-size: 11px; width: 400px; text-transform: lowercase;]✯ i've got bad body double trouble !
    [/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor= COLOR; border: 0px solid black; color: silver; font-size: 12px; width: 400px;][justify]* * The boy was anxious, Raspbel could tell that much. She glanced over at Orbkit and cast the little feline a happy smile and a friendly nudge on the cheek before turning her attention back to the tense and nervous boy before her. She opened her mouth to introduce herself, when Red Robin came walking up behind her and made it known that these two weren't strangers. The pink demon ruffled her wings and glanced between the two, a curious little glow in her eyes. "Friends, I presume?" Raspbel finally chirps out after a few moments of tense silence. She was always fond of happy reunions, even if she didn't know either party.


    "Raspbel Preserves, by the way." She tacked on and glanced briefly to Darkpaw. "Welcome to Shadowclan, dear. If you need anything, I'm all ears." As if to prove her point, she gave both of her strange, tufted ears a little twitch. She rose to a stand and cast this newcomer another smile- a genuine nad friendly one at that. She hoped he'd settle in eventually and learn to trust the rest of Shadowclan- nobody really went out of their way to hurt others here, anyway.


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    TAGS (UPDATED 8/30/16)

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    / whoops this is long, first three paragraphs are red lmao


    Dark couldn't really say where his own nervousness came from. Perhaps it was just time wearing him down, perhaps it was because he was scared that he would vanish again, just like last time. Perhaps he was nervous because he wasn't himself, that that was a thought that kept him up for some very long nights. He knew that something was wrong with him, with the person he was supposed to be. He wasn't Win as a child anymore, but he wasn't Win as an adult, or Win as anyone. It took time, but he's starting to think that he's not Win at all, and that makes him nervous too. If he has nobody to be, where's he supposed to go? People liked him because he was Win, if they knew enough about the two of them to know that they were similar. A few people had just thought that they were related or something, that he was Win's son. The way he treated him sometimes, perhaps Win thought that too. It was easier than acknowledging that the person you were supposed to be was hanging around inside your head. The older canine had never told anyone that, but it was easier for everyone if he was hidden, right?


    But now here he was, on his own, without that overbearing shadow to guide him. It's terrifying and pleasant, and it's nice to be appreciated as a separate person. Now, as to who that person is... That's a little harder. When he's pressed for it, Darkpaw can smile and laugh and make anyone believe that he really does love them. When he's on his own, he's quiet and sarcastic but caring — gentle, sometimes. And when he's anxious, it's obvious. Really, he's always anxious around several people at once, senses wide open in some attempt to take in everything that they do or say. It's not really possible, but he continues to try. In the end, he supposes that he relates to the idea of simply screaming until things stop moving so damn fast, until the world slows down and explains itself. Being alone hasn't been too good for him, either — too wary, too paranoid. Refusing to leave the places his mind had deemed safe, too scared to actually talk to someone who could help. But in the end, he found himself here anyway.


    Red's appearance almost makes the wolfdog flinch, though in the end he diverts the energy to flicking his ear. The collie's just sort of... Staring at him, not that he can really blame him. He's too smart to think that this was just a weird accident. ColouredClan was an accident. WindClan was just being in the right time and place. But this was incredibly intentional, at least on his end, and he really couldn't think of a non-creepy way of telling him that he didn't want to lose him. Not because he's a relic of who they used to be, both of them having changed quite a bit, but because they got along, Dark trusted him, and Red — Red didn't see Win. He clears his throat, staring resolutely above the other's head. "No. Maybe?" A pause, clearing his throat again and trying to fight the warmth that spread from high in his throat. But when he looks back down, the smile on his face doesn't exactly scream go away, and he tries to relax a bit. "Yeah."


    Thankfully, Raspbel provides a bit of a reprieve, drawing his attention back to her. She was curious, he could tell, and with some of his anxiety soothed with a familiar presence, he manages a small smile. Still, her question throws him off guard. Friends. Were they friends? He wanted to be friends. Was it too much to presume that they were? Darkpaw decides not to answer with a direct yes or no, because no would be a lie and yes would be uncertain. "We know each other." They hadn't really been separated that long since ColouredClan, but it's still an easy sort of relief. It had been easier, when they were kids. His own smiles had been effortless, and they'd gotten along well. But times changed, right? Here he was, in ShadowClan instead of WindClan. Would it make a difference? "Thank you, Raspbel." An interesting name, and one he can't place in any particular society. He'd think about it later. "I don't think I need anything. But I appreciate it. Do I need to know anything?"
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    info | updated 09/14/2016
    info | updated 09/14/2016

    [fancypost bgcolor=;border:0;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:10.5px;line-height:1.4]That's the one thing that Red perhaps has over Darkpaw — the knowledge that he's not going to disappear into someone else, though then again, he can't guarantee that he's not going to disappear, because he doesn't know where they are, and he doesn't know if this is real. Aside from the pain — a pain he's felt both in dreams and in what he believes is the waking world, so can't rely on to distinguish reality from his own delusions — he's had unusually.. mediocre fortune since finding his own footing and chasing after freedom, a fortune littered with the occasional burst of good luck, small instances in which he feels almost loved by circumstance. Red doesn't believe in a god, nor does he believe in fate, not really, but chance is a part of life, and some of these opportunities have ended in unusual positivity. He's waiting for this unnatural bliss to come to a halt, the pain to cripple him or for the one person he cares about to die. He keeps cropping up, anyway, and Red's afraid it's going to lead to something worse. He's alone, yes, but Dark makes that less so. He fears the solitude'll swallow him whole if he loses him, too. He can't take that.


    Dark isn't Win. Dark will never be Win, for their experiences will be different, and they'll never meet in the middle, never find a point of identicalness. For him, that's only a good thing. Win's something that Red doesn't want to think about on a daily; he was.. there, but he wasn't enough, never was enough, preoccupied with other people, and Red, being Red, was too hesitant, unable to drag himself out of his habits of wallowing in silence, suffering without speaking. He's still like that, to an extent, but there are moments of weakness, lapsing into open rifts, and he doesn't resent that like he used to. He's the very definition of a forced loner; he could talk to people if he wanted, but he's been distanced because of circumstance, and he doesn't like that — he wants to change that, but damn it, he isn't sure how he's meant to make that work. Magic, perhaps. An innate ability to juggle love and loss, compartmentalising when necessary but opening up when he can, the sort of ability he has yet to discover, but must have, because all takable paths in his life lead to ends that require him to possess this skill. He has to practice his balancing act.


    He says nothing as Dark focuses his energy on a point just above his head, but perks half-folded ears, waiting for a reply that doesn't look as if it's about to come, not at first, and when it does, it's a mess. "No. Maybe?" It had been a joke, the quip concerning Dark essentially stalking him, and he hadn't expected a reply to hold any sort of seriousness, but this one does, in a way, and it's awkward enough to see him clear his throat nervously, an uncomfortable sort of itching settling itself in his chest. "Yeah." that banishes it, oddly enough, and the collie shrugs one shoulder, maintaining that smile, though it softens a touch, losing its manufactured edge. "You're following me? I'll make sure I don't go anywhere too dangerous." only partly hearing Raspbel, he nods at Dark's explanation, expression still somewhat relaxed; it's easy for him, pressing up against the flimsy glass, so long as the glass is still there — he fumbles when it's removed, and he's still working on smashing it himself, because one day, he vows, he'll participate in the act of not standing on the opposite side of a barrier; he can do that, can he not? He can have a friend that isn't untouchable. He can do that. He can.
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    ✧ — updated 09/27
    ✧ — updated 09/27

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 420px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;]Rather than completely leaving ShadowClan, she's decided to float back and forth between it and other places. She hasn't set paw outside its borders yet, though it's not due to any sort of nervousness. Her reason for deciding to leave in the first place was because she didn't find it interesting anymore, and, well, that's sort of changed (look, she's still curious about Red's mask; how does it work?). With new resolve, she slips beside Red— careful to keep a few feet away; apparently people don't like it when you invade their personal space, and neither does she when others do the same to her, come to think of it— and blinks at Darkpaw. "Hi," she says breezily, ears aimed toward him, "I'm Bellona, no nicknames."


    / wow look at that muse
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    INFORMATION — 09/25/2016

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