Trauerfall

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    Character Name: trauerfall (meaning death in german)


    Character Age: 17 moons


    Gender: tom


    Alliance: http://warriorcatsrpg.com/topi…ut-advanced-236832.0.html


    Rank: Votaries


    Appearance (6 or more sentences): trauerfall is a huge tom with powerful claws and a grip no cat would like to be under. His face his a little 'lighter then the rest of his body, His face is grey-black and he has icy blue eyes. His nose is a blue and white color with a cut running from his nose to right above his eye. His powerful shoulders give him an advatge of jumping at far things, His claws are sharper then other cats (exept benigns). His tail is a stub from being in a fight with a badger, There is a scar from his tail to his shoulders. His body is black with a white under belly. He has one ear, he lost the other from a diff fight with a fox. He has a limp in his front leg when he walks because of when he was little his mother beat him, So he killed her. He has a muscular body.


    Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below; those are additional requirements): He feels no murcey, Just wants the thrill of killing. He has a sweet side that shows only when hes in love. He loves one cat only to be his soul mate, Benign, but he knows hes not good enough. He has a evil side that is always around and rarly eaves. He hates other tom who mate with benign. He hates kits that are weak and he would wish to be a higher rank.
    ---Likes (at least 3): killing, Benign, and strong kits
    --- Dislikes (at least 3): murcey, weak cats, benigns mates
    ---Strengths (No MORE than 5): killing, running, jumping, suprise attacking
    ---Weaknesses (At least 3): twolegs, benign, and rain


    History (8 or more sentences): When he was a kit he was left to die because he killed his sister. His mother always hated him and his father new he was evil before he was born. He was strong and taught himself to hunt and fight. he soon found his parents and murdered them slowly and liked doing it. He killed others and got stronger and stronger. He grew fast and now is more powerful then he was when he was a found and when he joined, He was caught by a few clans and killed them when they tried to keep him in-prisoned. he murdered his family at age 5 moons.He tricked cats and lied to them so that he could steal food then kill them,He found his only left family member when he was 8 moons. His brother. trauerfall was starving at the time he found his brother so he killed hi and ate him (gross).


    Roleplay Sample {Required for first advanced bio}: A strange cat walked threw the woods. The sun peeked through the trees and left a dim light, light enough to see though. He saw another cat looking at him. "Hello" he meowed to the she-cat as he padded over. "hello" she meowed, Watching him. "my name is Zoey. Who are you?" She asked. He looked at her glossy, Slick coat. It was bright orange with a grey chest and under belly. "I am Trauerfall" He meowed, Looking at his own black, messy fur. "what are you doing here?" He asked Zoey. "I was trying to find my parents....but i couldn't find them" She sighed as she thought of her parents, Who she hadn't seen since she was 7 moons. "Well...I hope you find them" He grunted, Wishing to get a move on. "Well i have to go, See you around" He called over his shoulder to the pretty she-cat. Seasons later he still thinks back to that day, What happened to her, Did she ever find her parents. He also wonders if those cat he killed were her parents. They sure looked like her. "oh well.. I'll never know" he would sigh to himself on one stormy night, just to be visited by her that night, After he left she found her parents. She told him. But she got in a fight and one day stormed off, Only to be hit by a car. She died the night before he visited him. He still thinks what would of happened if She came with him.
    [b]Comments (optional):

    Hey there Silverfur1! This is a good bio, but there are some things that need to be fixed before it can be approved for Advanced.


    First, I'd suggest running it through spellcheck, as there are a few spelling mistakes. Also, there are some grammar issues; you often put a comma, but still capitalize the next word, like this: When he was little his mother beat him, So he killed her. There are also some others that a careful look through should find, such as hes, not he's.


    Also, some of the sentences are fragments, especially in Personality. Could you either combine some or make them longer please? Could you copy and paste a roleplay sample? It's a bit hard for the bio approver to look through a busy thread to try and find your posts.


    Lastly, it's quite impossible for a kit to kill one cat, let alone a lot of them, with physical force, and saying his claws are sharper than any other cats' is powerplaying. Can you change that please?


    Edit the changes into your first post, and either myself or another member of staff will be happy to look this over. Thank you!

    i will but like with the hes my computer changs thing like that but right now i am on a diff one so its going to be easier and the claws, hes evil and it means like, Regular warriors but then again these cats arnt warriors

    I might add that you need to actually write a roleplay sample if this is your first advanced bio; you can't just link to a roleplaying thread. ^^

    Let us know once your roleplay sample is finished! ^___^


    Also, remember to capitalize character's names and the beginning of every sentence. Otherwise, this bio is coming along great! Trauerfall sure sounds like he's had an interesting history.