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PLEASE LEAVE ALL THESE SPACES BC IT WON'T WORK W O THEM
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[b]ooc;; rip this is so bad im sorry. also ignore the bad graphics for this fancypost for now, im working on a new one and i really just put a icon of him up and didnt bother to mess with the graphics anymore rip.
ic;; he should of not come. that's all christopher could think as he drove around in his patrol car, staring towards whatever the headlights of his car would shine at. patrolling was his least favorite thing to do, especially at night. night was when you'd get all the angry drunks trying to get home, the underaged girls who figured maybe if they showed a titty that they'd get out of the ticket they were getting for going twenty digits over the already extremely lenient speed limit of the highway. he was weak too, spineless even. if any of these people tried to get in a fight with him, including the underage titty girls, he'd lose. he wouldn't ever have the guts to pull his taser, he wouldn't ever have the guts to throw a punch back, and he wouldn't ever have the guts to call for back up and feel more pathetic.
he dragged his teeth across his bottom lip, taking a moment to let his eyes fall off of the road ahead of him and over towards the sidewalks that were illuminated by the yellowish streetlamps that glowed above them, a vivid memory of him walking along them with someone who he hadn't seen in forever. he immediately turned his head away, blinking away the tears that stung his eyes as soon as he pictured the scenario. his friend, the one who he let slip from him. they always walked down this road to go to the dairy queen that was only a few miles away, after all they had to get that dairy queen blizzard every day after school. it was his treat towards the other boy who did genuinely change his life. chris didn't let himself think of him often though. every time he did, he had this bitter taste in his mouth and his chest was absolutely heavy. it had been almost ten years since the boy left his life but god, he still felt the pain like it was yesterday.
he had always wondered what would of happened if he was still around, too. not that he'd ever admit it but he did fancy the boy a whole lot, in fact whenever he was around him he could feel his heart leaping out of his chest. the boy taught him how to live, something he didn't know, and in return he let him die. he might not of been the one to take his life, but he would always blame himself for not growing some balls and stopping it all. it had taken christopher a few moments to realize that he was crying, he was actually crying in his car while on patrol over someone who died ten years ago. some would consider that pathetic, after all he's had ten years to grieve. ten years that he refused to grieve. he reached up and quickly wiped the tears away, putting his hand back on the steering wheel immediately after and letting out a somewhat shaky exhale. "it's okay, christopher," he murmured to himself, letting himself steal a glance towards the sidewalk once again. "he's in a better place now."
that was a lie though. he wasn't in a better place, at least not in christopher's mind. a better place would be next to him in bed, with his own arms wrapped around his lost friend. a better place would be where he could still see him, where he could still hear that gorgeous laugh of his. the worst place ever would be some place that he didn't even know, which was the dilemma. they never found a body. they searched, they found blood, but never a body, and after a while they all gave up. all of those fucking cops that he worked with now, gave up on finding the one person that chris absolutely needed in his life and to this day he'd never forgive them for that. he knew there was no chance of the boy being alive now, but back then, maybe if they had kept searching they could of found him. they could of found that boy and chris would have him here today but no. reid was just some deadbeat kid that was never gonna make it to him, and now chris was working as a cop to make sure no other kid that was considered deadbeat would ever have everyone just give up on him again.
chris pulled his vehicle over to the side of the road after a while, immediately turning the car off before getting out and locking it. he didn't want to be in his car anymore, he couldn't. he could always patrol walking around too, it wasn't like they said he had to just drive around in a car. he adjusted his badge before taking a step onto the extremely familiar sidewalk, letting his mind slip away in the memories that would haunt him at night for the rest of his life.
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#lightsymadethis
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