TAKE IT SLOW / RETURN + HOSPITAL BURNING DOWN

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    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=transparent; width: 400px;][align=center][font=timesnewroman]Starling's eyes turned towards Seija for a moment with an annoyed twitch of his ears, and with a long pause, Starling stared at Forence as she decided to open her fucking mouth again. "I. Will infest. Your god damned bed. With maggots," he spat violently, hissing and turning around to kick up dirt at her in obvious disrespect. "Frankly, my dear," he said snobbishly, "I don't give a damn." He glanced back at her, chin tilted up, "Who you are, or what you think you are doesn't matter to me, cupcake. I'll talk how I want to anyone I want," he said, suddenly flashing a smile and rolling his eyes. His attitude had turned sour with the grief of loosing what he'd had. He turned and wandered towards his bush where he'd put his things, staring sadly at the remains of his hard work. This. This was all that was left.




    Pain seared through him and he angrily snatched them up with his paws, turning to start handing out the remaining necklaces with the energy stones to NPCs for luck and virtue and the like. He wandered up to Seija, holding one out to her with a blank, sad look on his face.




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    Throughout the entirety of the rant, the leader stood silently, continuing to stare. Once she noticed Starlingpaw handing her the necklace, however, everything seemed to register- and she turned on him first, teeth bared. "You think I want any of your useless trash?" she hissed, struggling to keep her voice somewhat even. "You think a friggin' stone is going to keep everyone alive? Go pawn it off on Snowfire, I don't care, but don't even try with me." He might have intended it as an act of kindness, but right now being sold to by a snake-oil salesman was the last thing she needed.


    Glaring back at Florence, she took a deep breath- two, actually, before finally speaking. "You want to know why I hold on to the past?" she growled, turning back to the hospital. "I hold on to the past so I don't screw things up again. So that the next time someone isolates themselves, I'll know that that means they're about to off themselves, and I can stop it. So that the next time a 'visitor' comes, I'll know that they're a spy, and send them away before anyone gets hurt. So that the next time I see a creature with Exiles scent on it, I'll kill them, like it's my job to do."


    Swallowing again, she lowered her head. "You might be more worried about the memories you've formed, but guess what? I can't afford to make those kinds of memories, because I can't afford to be hurt, not like you can. I'm the leader, I have to stay strong for the rest of the clan." Forcing herself not to tremble- this was Florence, she couldn't afford to tremble in front of Florence- she continued, "When people die, you can mourn for them. When people go missing, you can chase them down. But I can't do either of those."


    With a harsh cackle, she shook her head. "They probably think I don't care, don't they? Dylan probably thinks I'm glad he's gone, Titan is probably confused right now, wondering why Deathstroke is still on the loose, Devlin is probably wondering why I didn't go find her- Biyoka's probably wondering why I let her die in the first place, let alone why I never destroyed the Exiles like I promised I would." Running a paw over her face, she muttered, "It's because I can't. That book was all I could do to honor them. It wasn't enough, words could never be enough, but what else could I do? What else could I do?"


    Was this about her? No, no, it wasn't. She was being irrational, she knew, and yet the words wouldn't stop coming. "The book was never meant to replace them," she hissed. "Because nothing will. Nothing will ever change the fact, even for a second, that they're dead." Crouching down and burying her face in her paws, though, she shook her head. "But I thought maybe- just maybe- showing them that I remembered them would convince them to come back. Maybe if they thought even a single soul cared about them, no matter how worthless said soul was, they'd come back." The kind of thought only a selfish control freak would have, wasn't it? Even Starlingpaw would recognize it, and he'd only been there a week or so.


    And yet she still wasn't done. "And then... and then you could live like that again," she whispered, her voice cracking. "And then you could all laugh and smile again. And then it could all come back, for real this time. And then everything would be like it was before I went and drove it all to the ground."


    Gritting her teeth, she drew a shaky breath. "But it all amounted to nothing, didn't it? Nothing I say, nothing I do will ever change anything. And now here we are, surrounded by rubble." Forcing back a sob, she lifted her head slightly to look at the ex-Oracle once more, eyes hollow. "Why did things end this way?"


    /borderline incomprehensible angst, yay


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    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; line-height: 16pt; width: 450px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12pt; color:#;]Florence had never been big on physical contact. It wasn't like she hated the idea of being touched. She wasn't a germaphobe, afraid of the diseases that could be carried with contact. The ex-Oracle just felt as though to touch someone was the most valuable gift you could give someone. It was a tangible connection, a way to show them that even if she didn't act like it, she cared. She cared so very, very much that sometimes it overwhelmed her and she had to draw back out of fear.


    She reached out for Seija and attempted to hold her, to give her the gift that very few people had ever received from her. If she rejected it, it was understandable. They had each just made their own attempts to tear down the fragile walls of mental stability the other had built -- it would take time before they would be as close as they had been before, but Florence wasn't asking for before. She was asking for forgiveness and praying that Seija would just...


    "Let go," she whispered, her eyes watering as they stared into Seija's hollow ones. "Nothing that happened was ever your fault. You've done the best you can and more with a broken clan -- Seija don't blame yourself for anything. Devlin dying was my fault. I did that; not you." She wiped away tears with a blackened paw. "I came back. Seija, you're the only reason I came back. I remembered that even though everyone else was gone, you still cared about me. And I didn't get any of that from the records book."


    Her thin frame began to shake as she tried to hold back anymore tears. "I don't know why things ended like this, Seija," she admitted slowly, "I don't know why any of what's happened to is has happened. Maybe God likes fucking with us, who knows." Her feeble attempt at humor was accompanied with a pitiful laugh that escalated into a bad cough. Once recovered, she said, "But what I do know is that you're one hell of a broad, Seija, and if anyone can make things better -- 'cause sometimes 'right' isn't possible, I know -- it's you. You know the whole deal about the phoenix, yeah? Big dumbass bird that would burn itself to ashes only to be reborn from said ashes?" She turned towards the hospital one last time. It was mostly gone, save for a few pieces of concrete and mangled steel. "Well we've got the ashes, but what the hell is gonna come out of 'em?"


    / THIS IS SO BAD WTF


    TAGS/INFO ; 06/26

    The post was edited 1 time, last by FLORENCE N.H. ().

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    [/fancypost]The waves of hostility between the clanmates sent their fur standing on edge. They gave a gentle and thankful nod to Peregrine. "You're doing well, thank you. I will get some in a moment, there's much that needs to be handled first." they purred to her, forcing a gentle smile and stifling a dry cough, before turning to approach the three angered. They sat down nearby them and listened in, curling their tail around their paws to try and settle the negative waves as they watched them all fight. They had to bite their tongue to prevent themself from screaming out for everyone to just shut the hell up. Instead they waited for those around them to settle. They shot a glare of concern to Starlingpaw and sent him a telepathic message saying 'The necklaces were a good idea, and they may help later. Thank you for trying, but now is not the time.'. They turned back to watch Seija and Florence settle themselves, preparing to intervene if it was needed. Unless necessary, they didn't want to interrupt, as they trusted Seija to hold her own and wished to observe her actions for learning purposes.

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