AHEM, CHILDREN, LISTEN CLOSELY // open, reading

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    "read them an erotic novel he says. disguise it as a kid's book he says." oh f-ck no, he didn't get bonus points for weekly tasks, he was reading a full blown erotic novel. sarcy was so irritated, it didn't seem possible for him to get even more so- until he opened to book. "oh my god." he sighed, glancing down the page. it get's right to it, page one.. "ahem, this is for my weekly task, so please enjoy."


    he paused a moment to process what he was about to do, and how many children's lives he was about to ruin, he continued,"sally was in a new city- a new life. but her job was a little complex. it involved doing the dirty, knocking boots, making bacon, sealing the deal.. it was the horizontal tango. and so, she was roaming the streets, searching for takers who wanted to do the nasty- but for a price." he cleared his throat,"finally, she spotted a man- across the street, who looked like duck soup, aka easy. she wandered over to him, already on the make as she grabbed his tie-"sir, i wanna know, are you a drugstore cowboy or a butter and egg man?"" he paused, having made his voice higher to imitate sally,""neither, i'm just a man who likes backseat bingo, but first you got to tell me, are those foam domes?" she nodded, scoffing at his question,"of course not, i'm fine as wine and a brick house." he nodded,"you're also a mirror warmer."" sarcy paused, glancing around to see if anyone was listening, and meeting the children in front of him with a wide eyed look. "um..."


    //omfg what did i just do
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    tags

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    mm just a little bump cause im impatient
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    tags

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    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; border-bottom: double 3px white; width: 400px; height: 50px; background: url(http://i.imgur.com/8UV6RNa.png); font-size: 26pt; line-height: 23pt; text-align: center; color: #FFFFFF; font-family: Georgia; letter-spacing: 2px; text-shadow: 0px 0px 4px black; text-transform: lowercase;]bulletpaw biersack
    tom -- bisexual -- warrior -- blizzardclan[/fancypost]
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    he was HIGHLY confused. ".....what the hell?" he asked as he padded up. "why are you reading erotica?" he asked. how did this young tom know this? he did not know.


    totally not because he learned how to read with erotica lolol


    Display Spoiler


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    [fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 475px; text-align: justify; font-size: 11px]What in the absolute hell did Margaery just hear being read aloud?


    At first, her maternal instincts flared and she had to resist the urge to rip the novel from his paws and burn it, but as she approached, she tried her hand at actually relaxing. She was still frowning though... and her metaphorical brows were knit tightly together as she stared at Sarcophagus, still trying her hand at processing what she just heard. "Uh...?" The deputy attempted, biting her lip, [color=#eecccc]"One question: why?"


    TAGS

    TAGS


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    "hey, this is obviously a children's book- i censored it and everything." at this point he was just using whitepaw's 'bonus points' to cover up for himself. he glanced over to see margaery arriving and put a paw to his lips mouth, only whispering [what was supposed to sound enchanting],"shh, hush- give it a chance~" and then, he took a breath, fully sinking into his role as a storyteller,"as sally went with the man to do the deed, she could only think one thing. oh boy oh boy, this is just pennies from heaven~! "im glad we're doing this, because im normally a dizzy with a dame kind of guy" he started as he opened the backdoor of his car for her. he stepped around and got in as well,"im not here to bump gums, just to get you to blow your wig."he took of his coat,"well i hope these aren't your glad rags because i've had some giggle juice tonight and i won't be going easy." she only replied with a sassy,"just hurry up or the bank will close." and so, he started to take o-"


    //right now would be a good time for someone to rip the book out of his hands cx
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    tags

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    Jumping in like that one asshole deer who liked to jump in front of moving cars at the last minute, John smacked the book out of Sarcy's paws so he couldn't read another word. Bad, bad, bad. There were children...around. Somewhere. And even then, read that sh!t by yourself. Goodness.


    Was he slightly drunk? Yes. But not totally, so he still had some wits about him. Enough wits to know this needed to be stopped, but drunk enough to slam dunk that book ballerina style. He then looked up at Sarcophagus, shaking his head. "Naughty, naughty."


    MOBILE TAGS

    [size=5pt]© counselor dreamíe[/size]

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    Andypaw had so wanted to read that, just to see how seductive he could make himself. He covered his mouth with a paw, stifling the deep, breathy laughter that was exclusive to only him. At least it didn't hurt to laugh any more. "Well, someone sure seems to be enjoying themselves,"



    Tags (updated June 2nd)

    [align=center][fancypost borderwidth=0;color:#B6D8C0;font-size:20pt;letter-spacing:-2px][font=georgia]A TINCTURE OF MEMORIES[/fancypost][fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 330px; color:#ECDBBC;font-size:8pt;margin-top:-9px;letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 98%;][font=arial][justify]This.. This was outright confusing. Tama didn't understand any of this. Nothing made sense to her, and she couldn't quite tell why everyone was making such a fuss over it. The servaline brought her head to a tilt, ashen orbs widening and blinking in confusion. "What.. does it mean?" Tama would inquire, blinking at Sarcy. "Foam domes..? Giggle juice..? What's a drugstore cowboy..? Are they fun? Cowboys are supposed to be funny, right.. But a drugstore doesn't sound very good at all.. Bank? Why a bank? Isn't that a place where people keep money..? What about a wig? And wine? A mirror? This doesn't make sense at all.. Why is he comparing her to household things..?" She was so confused.. This story was far more complicated than anything she had ever read previously.

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    [size=2pt]spacehere[/size]
    [justify]lucina xerses[/fancypost]
    [fancypost bgcolor=; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 420px; margin-top: -18px;][justify]-- [size=9pt]i won't sit still, look pretty[/size][/fancypost]
    [fancypost bgcolor=; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 420px; margin-top: -6px;][justify]In Naga's name Lucina was fairly certain she had never heard anything more outlandishly sexual than what Sarcophagus had just read. Still, he hadn't been here for the time when Tama had discovered...hentai. A shiver went up her spine, thinking back to the servaline reading that disgusting material. Lucina loved Tama like a sister but gods above did she have some questionable hobbies. Seeing the children still sitting there wide-eyed, Lucina moved forward. "All right kiddies that's enough for storytime today maybe we'll do this again next week." As the NPC kids moved off with confused looks on their faces, the wolf looked over at Sarcophagus, unable to find the words to portray what she was thinking.
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    TAGS

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: none; width: 450px; font-size: 8. 5pt; line-height:12px; text-align: justify;]Whitepaw was in the corner, silently hoping that Sarcy wouldn't see him.


    [spoiler=TAGS]GENERAL;;
    Whitepaw » NPC x NPC » Male » Normal Male Pronouns » 8 months (ages once every 2 weeks) » Single(?), Low-key crushing on Andypaw » Panromantic Asexual » Paladin [HP] of Blizzardclan » Apprentice of Lithiumclan


    BODIES;;
    >[MAIN] White-furred domestic feline with a green eye and a blue eye. Carries a sword, a white book, and ridiculous amounts of salt.


    POWERS;;
    All free powers » Most powers undiscovered


    INTERACTION;;
    May powerplay non-harmful actions » Easy Physical » Hard mental » Attack in bolded WHITE or CYAN » No kill/maim » PM for capture


    INJURIES;;
    >None
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    [size=9pt]the devil's got nothing on me, my friend.[/size]


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    "oh my." caduceuspaw said as she made her way over, a paw placed under her chin as she silently listened to the story. oh boy, this was going to make her extremely flustered. "i don't believe that's meant for children.."



    #hippytemplate
    #caduceusstaff    [/fancypost]

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: none; width: 500px; padding: 0px; font-size: 10px; line-height: 12px; text-align: justify; color: Silver; font-family: verdana; margin-bottom: 3px;]Fisher would still be sitting there trying to comprehend what the hell just happened. As he watched Lucinda try to shoo the kids away the grizzly cub would try to be out of the wolves reach, raising to his paws. He couldn't help but agree with Tama, why was everyone making a fuss? The grizzly cub would saunter closer, what does that stuff mean? He would inquire, with a tilt of his head.


    // rip Fisher's slight innocence [/fancypost]


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    first, sarcy had the book slamdunked out of his hands, for which he could thank john for. he sent a glare at the feline, scoffing,"not really- i censored it." he then turned his head, scoffing at andy,"yeah, no. i was trying to get into character, as if i would do this by choice." no, this was completely whitepaw's fault. as tama showed up with lucina, he almost got as wide eyed as the kids but when he realized tama had no idea anything he had just said, he sighed in relief. "don't worry about it- it's just a.. children's book." he caught the look lucina was gave him, and he almost tried to find an excuse, but something caught the corner of his eye. white. nobody was that white except for a certain weekly task giver. "HEY- ASSHOLE! DON'T HIDE!" he hopped down from the stump he had been chilling whilst reading that.. novel and was now heading towards the tuft of fur that was so obviously whitepaw's. "i would cover his ears." he called behind his shoulder, referring to fisher- mainly because he would feel a bit bad if the child heard what was going to come out of his mouth.
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    tags

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    tom -- bisexual -- warrior -- blizzardclan[/fancypost]
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    //omg i love sarcy


    Display Spoiler


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    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: none; width: 500px; font-size: 8. 5pt; line-height:13px; text-align: justify;]Well, FUCK. It looked like things were heating up a bit now, weren't they? Whitepaw knew that his pitiful disguise as himself hadn't fooled anyone. In fact, he had actually MEANT for Sarcophagus to see him, because he was that smooth little asshole who doesn't give a shit about your opinion. Yes, he totally meant for Sarcy to see him. It wasn't like he was only there to see how many lives that Sarcy had ruined. Because now, he could proudly say that he had been indirectly responsible for ruining the lives of small children such as Fisher. Well, fuck you, Fisher, Whitepaw doesn't give a shit about your opinion either. At least SOME things were learned from this experience: Sarcophagus was a decent storyteller, and nobody should ever let Whitepaw give out weekly tasks. Hey, it was fun, though, and giving out weekly tasks was the one thing in which Whitepaw could just sit back and watch people suffer. A pained look was on his face as he stood up to confront Sarcy. "As you wish, almighty Sarcophagus. I have come out of hiding." With that, Whitepaw attempted to make himself glow as brightly as he could in multiple, epilepsy-inducing colors, and hoped that it would temporarily blind Sarcophagus so that he could run away.


    //ic opinions lmao


    [spoiler=TAGS]GENERAL;;
    Whitepaw » NPC x NPC » Male » Normal Male Pronouns » 8 months (ages once every 2 weeks) » Single(?), Low-key crushing on Andypaw » Panromantic Asexual » Paladin [HP] of Blizzardclan » Apprentice of Lithiumclan


    BODIES;;
    >[MAIN] White-furred domestic feline with a green eye and a blue eye. Carries a sword, a white book, and ridiculous amounts of salt.


    POWERS;;
    All free powers » Most powers undiscovered


    INTERACTION;;
    May powerplay non-harmful actions » Easy Physical » Hard mental » Attack in bolded WHITE or CYAN » No kill/maim » PM for capture


    INJURIES;;
    >None
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