battle cry ;; private

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    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=times new roman]// oops rushed post bc I need to go to the doctor RIP me


    He had been sitting in the same place for an hour now, give or take a few minutes. He didn't feel like moving, and for some reason this place next to the river comforted him. It was a clearing that was partially hidden from everyone - the only way to see him would be to be on the other side of the river, and that was far away for no one to come towards him and talk to him. All around his sides he was hidden by the foliage... and so it was a peaceful area which he could close himself off from everyone else.


    Ronan stared at his reflection, a small frown etched into his maw, but an even bigger and more prominent frown and look of gloom in his eyes. Of course he hadn't told anyone yet what had happened - he didn't know how to explain it. It'd sound so strange that his father, whom had died both in the human realm and this realm, would suddenly come back, and the first thing that he'd do was kill him. Ronan still refused to believe it was anything other than a dream, just a figment of his twisted imagination because it was the only way that his brain could cope with what had happened. But the longer that he pondered over it, the more he realized that the dream theory wouldn't make sense either. Nothing about this scenario made any sense.


    He desperately wanted to tell someone, though. Maybe then he'd be able to make some sense of it. Except he wasn't someone who easily went to talk to others. To get him to talk about his emotions someone had to tie him down to a chair and force the answer out of him. So he'd continue silently struggling with his own thoughts, staring at his reflection but not quite seeing it.


    TAGS

    [fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 450px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 8pt](I hope the appointment went well and omgg, I'm so sorry for the big wall of text, my muse is just frigging wild nowadays)


    "Ronan..."


    A small voice, yet within was the tone thickened with tenderness and sympathy, could be heard behind the hybrid where there was a heavily injured feline shakily standing by, Tasukete. His gentle gaze were glued to the creature who just returned from the shadowy embrace of death, and there was a fog that was a mix in so many emotions that was likely unreadable to one's sight. Tasukete honestly doesn't know what he truly felt anymore. All of this feelings he had that bouncing around inside his tightened his chest, it was just... there. Does that made any sense? He doesn't know anything anymore.
    Tasukete blinked his eyes. He hesitated to come closer to the former Scarclanner, but there was this weight of fear, disappearing and repeating within his stomach, making him then feel queasy and sick to the core. One of the fears he had was Ronan would snap at him and throw fury and hatred at him as he could be extremely angry at him for not being able to save him (but he couldn't blame him), another was that Ronan... The Ronan he was seeing right now in this instinct, if he took some steps close and made a gentle contact on him, the only respond he would get was his appearance vanishing into ashes before the winds would take it all away right before his eyes.


    But this was no illusions he was seeing now, was it?


    Sharp, quick breathes were exhaled before they were inhaled, and then it was repeated, by the former Physcian and while he kept on reminding himself that he was really real, he couldn't help himself but to carefully observe the other's appearance, when really, behind those careful gaze he was holding on to tightly, he was admiring and appreciating the beauty that was being presented before him, and he swore that he could tell what was real if their true beauty shows that they are, and indeed was Ronan a handsome fellow....
    It has been one week since Ronan died, and it sure took him terribly long to come back, but fucking hell was does the wait worth so much. Tasukete had the urge growing inside of him to hug Ronan and just do that with him in his embrace forever until he died, being able to make contacts with that soft pelt of his, but what he imagined was like a shield towering over him, to feel... safe. What a pleasing word to his ears when it was applied to someone who he knew too well. Although Tasujete tried to lower them down and burn it out of anger when he does know that he didn't save Ronan. Sure, he may had come back alive, but a death that can be avoided with his own help would be really nice, as he assumed that was what Ronan would think. But the past was the past, and what happened had happen and can't be changed for what had already exist in the timeline.


    And Tasukete loathed himself for that.


    With such overwhelming thoughts and emotions, already was tears prickling in the corner of his eyes as Tasukete wheezed slightly. He regretted searching for him when he wanted to see how he was doing, as that was what he have been doing ever since Ronan was recovered from his unconsciousness, only then to see him here who was probably miserable and enraged (mainly at Tasukete himself, he figured), and immediately was he going through another emotional moments eventually, just as the goddamn usual. "R-Ro..." He tried to say something, but what was it? What was it that he wanted to say to him? Tasukete decided not to say anything to him and instead thought that perhaps it was best if he would go away and leave Ronan alone and let him continue on whatever he was doing that Tasukete who just had to fuck it up by interrupting him. Of course, he just had to fuck everything up and be the life in general's major and only obstacle. Tasukete took few steps away from the larger figure, his head furiously shaking side to side as some of his tears flew by and landed against the earthly ground and the longer he cried, the more anger he felt against himself and they were revealing more vivid than out all emotions he had in his emerald eyes. Eventually these particular wonderful words came in mind and it was all over them, and when he couldn't take them stored anymore, Tasukete released a feeble cry.


    "I-I-I'm - I'm so sorry!!"


    For what?


    Invading his own lonely moment?


    Staring at him too long?


    Not being able to save him?


    'For existing.'

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 425px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; text-trasform: lowercase][font=times new roman]// ahh it's okay babe! And it went better than last time XD that's all I can really say bc I still hate needles and doctors


    The gentle call of his name startled the canine, and he nearly jumped up as he was ripped violently out of his daydreams. But perhaps it was better that way. He had been starting to explore areas of his mind he didn't want to, testing out dangerous waters. In a funny way, he could almost imagine Tasukete actually literally dragging him to shore if he happened to be drowning. It was a stupid thought but Ronan mused over it as he turned his head around, his body soon following. He didn't speak at first, analyzing the male with a calm, collected look in his gaze, a hidden inquiry somewhere in his optics as well.


    Ronan didn't force any words out from Tasukete, patiently waiting for him to be ready and completely oblivious to the thought he was having. The frustration was evident, but in order to retain some sanity the hybrid wrongly chose to push his pessimism away and not ask about it. Yet he realized what a stupid decision he had made the moment that tears sprung into the former Physician's eyes, and his own widened in shock and concern in turn.


    Everything seemed to then go into super speed. The moment that Tasukete started to back away and cried out his apology, the hybrid rose to his feet without thinking twice. In two powerful strides he had made it next to the male, outstretching his large black wings and swiftly wrapping them around the male's injured and frail form, eyes burning with concern and determination. Ever since he had joined clan life he had been slowly getting used to the more complicated emotions that creatures held. He had gotten used to the underlying and overlapping feelings that had to be described in more words than happiness or sadness. But at that very moment it was as if his primal instincts kicked back in, shoving away all other things he had learned. All that burned in his chest was pure and clear protectiveness. Holding Tasukete then and there, Ronan's only thoughts were to protect and guard him from the troubles he had, and it was like nothing else was important.


    "Stop," he muttered, slowly folding his wings back up, lingering slightly before finally snapping them shut beside his flanks. "Stop crying and stop apologizing for whatever it is you're apologizing for - you did nothing wrong, okay?" he continued, this time with less seriousness and a more gentle tone to his voice. It was still gruff, but hey, that was Ronan. "Listen to me - are you listening? - don't blame yourself so much for things that are out of your control. No one is going to blame you if you can't do anything more than someone else could. We're not God. We can't create paradise," he continued, before letting out a slow breath.


    "Why did you follow me?" he then slowly inquired, shifting his gaze back to the river. It's not that he didn't want the other to be here but... Well, he found it strange that the other just came to apologize to him. He wasn't very used to it.



    TAGS

    [fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 450px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 8pt](Oh whew, okie cx and well, that's great to see that it does! ^,^)


    For a person who knew Tasukete very well, especially the back side of him as a coin, it was extremely depressing how a man who could never stop himself from being a pessimistic and had many struggles with his wild emotions and fears would be really someone who was completely different; a man who once contained with nothing but joy and enthusiasm over life in general, always smiling and shown his childlike, yet bright and colourful personality, and he would always share his sympathy and love to those in need, enemies or not, he would do anything to make them happy, or at least smile or chuckle a bit. It was absolutely amazing to see one who could be so optimistic and powerful to let any negativity get in their way, yet would end up falling to the pit of the ocean where the pain and despair hidden beneath, and obviously that meant something extremely traumatizing had happen in his lifetime if he doesn't behave the way he was now in the far past.


    Indeed was life a beautiful thing that must be cherished while it lasted.


    Tasukete was able to leave the area, but out of sudden, the first thing he realized was the black figure immediately coming forth at him and giving up a loud whimper with his emerald eyes closed shut and cowered slightly in terror that Ronan was going to hurt him, but... There was no pain. Just only the warmth and softness.
    The ebony feline continued on trembling violently, yet when he slowly opened his eyes to see what was happening, he could see the colour, black. He blinked. He took a quick glance around him and he realized then that he was seeing the massive wings that belonged to the dreamwalker while he was wrapped with them and while he was confused at Ronan's action, he could feel the burning sensations within his cheeks as he flushed deeply. So... he wasn't mad at him? Tasukete feared to look directly at his friend, not wanting to know what his eyes were telling how he felt. Nevertheless does the action Ronan did made him feel a bit better as he sniffled softly with his gaze glued to the ground. He nearly whined when Ronan put his wings back to his flank, yearning for contacts, but he didn't dare to make one on him when he doesn't know either he would approve it or not. Gently biting his lower lips, his ears twitched to let Ronan know that he was listening, although he was slightly distracted. He did hear one part from him though and he said something about how he shouldn't blame himself that he can't take control of. He gave up several hiccups afterwards and either he was told to stop crying or not, he couldn't stop crying, even if he doesn't have the need to do more anymore.


    The tears just kept on going and going, as long as his heart does the same too.


    Tasukete placed his maw over his shoulder and rubbed his eyes to wipe his tears away, continuing on to sniffle and hiccuped. His stomach were tangled into knots when he was being questioned over why he was following him, and at first, he hesitated to answer it as the scarred feline didn't want to make their moment together more awkward, but Tasukete took few deep breathes in and out, and once he was able to gain control over his ability to speak, he gently spoke to him as a respond to his inquire. "I-I... I j-just wanted to c-ch-check a-and... u-um, s-see h-how are y-you d-doing..." He was able to look at him by the end he was finished and a small wave of relief took over him when he saw that he was just looking at the river. That would only last though, thought the former human.
    So he decided to glance away from him once more and stared down at his paws, wondering what Ronan could be possibly thinking right now. Again, he didn't seem to be angry or at least annoyed, based on his action of wrapping his fragile body with his wings, he seemed to be alarmed and wanted to reassure him. This whole thought progressing in his head was starting to calm him down while the tension around him decreased alongside with the hiccups and sniffles, and he was no longer crying, alas the anxiety was still lingering around within his soul. When Tasukete had lost his patiences after waiting for his respond when he had something else to say in mind, in his usual timid and soft tone, he said,


    "I-I've been wa-waiting upon your return since y-you... died."


    Such toxic word to his tongue, to his living mind and soul. Clearly detested at that last word with the emphasis to it as it brought unpleasant shivers to his spine at the disturbing memory of seeing the dead body belonging to his friend, Tasukete squinted his eyes few times before he finally had the confidence to glance at Ronan and made sure his gaze would stick on him while he was continuing on to speak. "And... a-apparently... I was wr-wrong to think that hope... do-doesn't exist in some s-situations, at l-le-least," he shrugged slightly, his scarred face twisting into bitterness. Sure he was grateful that Ronan was back, he extremely was, but to think about Athena, his mom... Everyone else who he knew long ago... The heavy weight of pain returned to his chest as knowing what would come next, he tightly gritted his teeth and his nostrils flaring as he pleaded himself constantly to don't cry. "I-I...." While half of his attention on what he wanted to say to Ronan since his arrival was slowly disappearing when he was trying really hard not to end up having those small breakdowns, Tasukete struggled to finish his sentence until he covered his face with his shoulder so Ronan wouldn't see him cry as what felt like centuries, eventually he then said,


    "I-I really m-missed you, R-Ronan."

    [fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 450px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 8pt]Just gonna lowkey bump this ;^)