cha cha slides out of blizzardclan
//rushed + its 3am. idk if he'll b back we will See[fancypost bgcolor=; border:0px; width:385px; text-align:justify;] Really, he wasn't actually suicidal.
He had tried once before, when Cancione was still a little kid and similiar feelings of numbness had sunk into the very core of his soul. He'd tried to bury himself in the snow, freeze to death like a lizard in a freezer; tiny brain trying to fire until it inevitably died. It was like falling asleep, so he'd read once in an outdated text book. All he had to do was fall asleep. it was going to be good, so good, until someone had found him.
Greater Dog had found him, funnily enough. Neue still laughed over it in private because somehow, laughing over your suicide attempt wasn't "acceptable humor" for a town that thrived off of rape and torture. Still, the thought of a dog digging a bag of bones out of the snow was pretty fucking funny to him, even now.
So, no, he wasn't actually suicidal.. that's what he tells himself when he sits up here anyway. He'd been coming here more and more these days, as stress piled up more and more. He felt like he was drowning in it, honestly; choking on his own petty problems and insecurities because he's too fucking tired all the time to do anything about any of them. God, he was so sick of being tired all the time? What wore him out so much anyway? Napping? He was too tired to be a productive member of society, memories skipping away like sand from his palm. Neue couldn't remember what he was doing before he came to sit upon the guard rail, let alone what he said he'd do or where he'd go to deliver gifts.
The demotion hadn't even bothered him, oddly enough, until someone tried to apologize to him about it. Then, the thoughts came in droves. How useless could he be? Fucking up such a damn simple position like that. Worthless. Useless. Why weren't tou just scrapped when Aster noticed your obvious flaws?
Then there was.. Blueberry getting..
Neue's mind went blank. There was too much. He couldn't handle this much. Really, he kind of just wanted to sleep and not wake up to see the next morning.
So, not thinking, not really, he...
jumped.
Ground beneath his paws was a memory, the lynx plummeted off the guard rail of the main isle. Time seemed to move slower as he free-fell, cliche as it was. His life didn't flash before his eyes as he grew closer and closer to the ground either. It was kind of a disappointment, really. He had time to think about the life he lead, but he didn't. He didn't want to.
He didn't think about Blueberry and how his only fucking friend in this place was hurt beyond anything that he could do to help the poor guy. Feeling helpless wasn't something Neue was accustomed to. He felt guilty, and he hated it.
He didn't think about his brother and what he would do once he found out his dog was dead, killed himself even. Would he believe it? Would he care? That was the bigger question.
Neue ended up crashing onto an island lower than the main one, instead of the earth as he'd expected. Much to his disappointment, it didn't kill him either, but a blissful darkness enveloped his mind all the same; ensnared his soul in an icy grip in which it couldn't free itself. Though his flank rose and fell, Neue was dead to the world around him.