[fancypost bgcolor= transparent; border: 0px;][justify]/ SORRY IF THIS MAKES NO SENSE + i wrote this super late at night lmao / retro moving territories... i think
He kept trying, yet failed almost every *ing time. This, at least, was how he felt about his continuing inactivity. Bucky was starting to feel as if he couldn't do anything right, or that he was constantly letting people down. As if he were some sort of lost cause. Truthfully, Bucky Barnes was someone who'd been defeated a long time ago. Seafoam. Mistdream. Venus. Steve and Lydia. All of *ing SunClan. He felt as if he had let them all down after disappearing into thin air. Every path he took ended up crushing him one way or another, because all-in-all Buck saw himself as someone who had lost. The world just enjoyed chewing him up and spitting him back out, only to repeat the process a few weeks later. It'd been a while since ColouredClan and their merciless leader. It'd been a while since someone had gone into his head and took away his own thoughts. Yet, it wasn't like those experiences disappeared after a while, despite his most recent attempts ⏤ to throw around sarcastic remarks, to grin and laugh. Really, in the end, Barnes just ended up feeling like just another *ty weight weighing down upon Rogers. The plan for him and Steve to start up again in a new group, SkyClan, was crumbling because Bucky couldn't hold up his part of the deal because he was so damn inactive. Distracted. Constantly unable to fall back into regular life again. He just wanted to go back in time to when things hadn't been so hard on both him and his best-friend; back to when they'd been carefree warriors within SunClan. Side by side, fighting off the forces of evil with smug remarks and laughs. Not when he had been Deputy, not to when Steve had been leader. Just... warriors.
The SunClan ex-deputy clamped down upon the dagger within his jaws. His weapon of choice, it soothed him. Buck wasn't violent, he tried not to be ⏤ not anymore. He had been forced to murder many before, but his actions hadn't been his own. It'd been someone else playing with his mind. Though, holding the dagger now was more of a ticket to his past, a nicer part of it at least. Steve had kept his shield and Bucky his dagger. The german-shepard's canines dug into the hilt with a bit of strain at the thought, steel foreleg prosthetic digging into the ground upon the outskirts of the SkyClan camp. And suddenly his head was jerked around and the knife was sailing through the air. Thud. His own ears flattened against his skull, hazel gaze drifting upwards. A direct hit, yet the male didn't look... happy. He was soon turning around, forcing a upwards curving of his lips, though the male looked ⏤ hurt. His eyes, at least.
Distractions, he needed a distraction. Now. His breathing felt ragged for a while, but his voice sounded relatively normal. "Meet and greet, over here." His words were slow as the mostly ebony-colored canine tried to gather himself together. There was no reason for him to suddenly panic, right? "My name's Bucky." It was plain, but his thoughts felt particularly crowded now, the sun gleaming off his own metallic leg creating quiet flickering.