i can't win ;; open

[fancypost bordercolor=transparent; width: 350px; line-height: .9; font-size: 8pt; text-align: justify]blue, unlike everything other 'bad' thing, knew a thing or two about suicide.

oddly enough, it had been alphys that taught him about it. sure, she hadnt exactly meant to - she'd been drunk at the time. the male had been angry at first, her intoxication triggering his 'mom' mode into action and preparing to issue the scolding of a lifetime when he had noticed something.. off. she'd been crying. he still remembered the moment like it had been yesterday - dark and gloomy, the faint hint of thunder forcing its way to the underground from above, and watching as the lizard monster gripped at her vodka bottle and allowed tears to fall from her eyes for the first time in what blue assumed had been a while. at first, he'd been too stunned to do much else than intertwine his then-skeletal fingers with hers in an attempt at comfort, but she had jerked away. the being had expected that; alphys had never been one for showing blatant emotion. soon enough, he gathered that something had happened with undyne. something bad, and blue hadnt known what. he didnt know what depression was like, and he was about as far away from anxiety-ridden as one could possibly get. there was no way for him to know.

then, she had explained.

"its like.. being in a constant battle with yourself. no matter how hard you try, it just comes back to bite you in the ass until you cant deal with anymore. then, you just.. give up. y'start feelin' numb, and nothings right anymore. life just sort of.. shifts. you dont enjoy the stuff you used to. happiness it out of the question. youre self-destructive. you start turning away from the ones that love you most.." her voice began to quaver at that point, and not simply due to the slur of intoxication,"you think they dont understand and - hell, they really dont, but at least they are tryin'.. i swear im tryin'." she whispered something incoherent before taking another swig of her alcohol, leaning against the former skeleton and shuddering beneath the heavy coat of armor that she wore. blue remembered wrapping an arm around her shoulders, worried about his mentor's girlfriend, almost to the point of feeling physically nauseous.

he never figured out all that had happened. alphys would never give him a straightforward answer in her drunken state, and bringing up any negative facts about her significant other ensured a rage that blue was not sure he would have survived. from then on out, he had kept a wary eye out for signs that his peers were struggling. it had fed the fire of his wannabe-heroism, but it was difficult; with his happy-go-lucky attitude and ability to see the beauty in everything, he often overlooked the small signs of self-destruction that he was surrounded by. still, he had tried. so when he came across the scene, red flags began to pop up in his mind, sapphire optics gleaming with alarm. neue was perched on the edge of the island, his clanmates asking if he was okay, and blue was not even going to attempt to focus on deciphering the words that verdana was saying - he'd had enough experience with wingdins back home, though he was never really able to have a fluent conversation in it - but she seemed worried.

he stepped closer on somewhat shaky paws, frightened and concerned for his friend's wellbeing, his ears inclining back against his cranium. * N-NEUE, YOURE GOING TO COME DOWN.. RIGHT? he inquired quietly once he was within earshot, trepidation causing a slight strain to his childish vocals, the stars in his eyes narrowed enough to show the dark ring around them. they werent usually visible unless viewed up close, since his pupils had a habit of blowing wide when he was excited - and, evidently, they seemed to get smaller when he was frightened. * DONT.. DONT YOU KNOW THIS IS DANGEROUS? a little paw pressed to the railing, not daring peek over the edge, which would only worsen his fear of a jump.