[fancypost borderwidth=0px; width: 500px; height: auto;][justify][sub][size=7pt]he was supposed to be happy. why was he not happy? what was wrong with him? there were countless things he could name about himself. he was small. he was weak. he stuttered. he was afraid. he couldn't take up for himself. he couldn't stand up for anyone he loved. it was judgmental. he was pathetic. he was a baby. but the thing he hated most about was the lack of knowledge about himself. as much as he thought he knew, he really didn't know. [color=#fff]" my f-first name is e-eternal sunshine of th-the spotless m-mind, and my l-last name is t-tadashi. i l-live in toas, and the b-blackheart rouges. " he barked softly to his tape recording. [color=#fff]" a lot of things are bothering me, which is why i want my memory wiped clean. "
for instance, why was he afraid of subaru and saito? well, he wasn't really afraid of them. he envied them to the point of being angry. he was intimidated by their power, but he craved their power. he wanted to much to be like them, despite knowing how far away he was from their greatness. the two of them had made is so far in their lives already, and eternal hadn't had one single accomplishment that he could hold onto. he was jealous. he didn't want to be this way, but he was. why did it take him so long to figure this out? why couldn't he just be like a normal person, and be happy for those he knew? the very though just made him angrier than he had been before. [color=#fff]" a l-lot of th-things make me a-angry, and make m-me feel v-vulnerable. i'm not s-sure if the p-people above m-me are the ones i l-love, hate, look u-up to, or am j-jealous of. they b-both know s-so much m-more than i d-do, but i f-feel like i c-can't learn f-from them. their's s-something b-blocking me from ever g-g-getting to where they are, or at l-least trying t-too. "
why did he stutter? it was most likely out of fear of the world. fear of himself. it bothered him that he was unable to pinpoint this problem. was it just something he never grew out of? was it something he would always have? how pathetic of you. he growled to himself. " a simple thing, and you couldn't leave it behind. you couldn't do anything to save your life. " part of it was true. he never did anything important. he never did anything that was worth it. had he contributed any ideas? did he ever help anyone? in his mind, he only made things worse. he made people feel bad, and frustrated. he was a burden on everyone and everything. and when he finally got responsibilities, he ran away. and why? " because i was scared of what was going to happen if i failed to do my job. " he bit his lip. [color=#fff]" i've m-messed up at e-everything i've d-done, and i d-don't think i c-could ever f-fix those m-mistakes. i'm s-stuck in a p-position that i'll p-probably n-never be a-able to g-get out of w-without help. i d-desperately need h-help. "
what kind of logic was that? he realized his flaws. " why would i run away, instead of turning away the positions? i failed anyway. " he thought. he extended his claws, digging them into the ground. tears stained his cheeks. [color=#fff]" i c-can't........ get o-out of th-this alone........ " his voice was quiet, but the words had been recorded onto the tape.
[color=#fff]" b-but..... i m-messed up the b-best things that's e-ever happened t-to me... " this one, small thing, he would never be able to forgive himself for. he had caused to much sorrow and pain with one little thing he did. the first moments of him joining the blackheart rouges, he fucked up. he fucked everything up. with one small glance, he had destroyed a person's life. [color=#fff]" springpaw d-doesn't even r-remember me a-anymore.... " he coughed out in a cry. [color=#fff]" w-what would b-be the p-point of w-waiting it out..... she p-probably won't ever g-get her memory b-back. she d-doesn't like m-me. all i d-did was m-make her s-suffer, and she h-hates me for it. b-b-ut now, she d-doesn't even r-remember her h-hatred. i d-don't even know i-if i would r-rather have her r-remember me a-and hate me, or n-not remember me a-and be f-friends with me. "
[color=#fff]" we a-argued..... and f-fought.... w-we were m-mad at each o-other.... b-but i w-wan't it t-to go a-away now. "
he couldn't deal with it anymore. the burden he was left with was overwhelming, and all the sorrow was washing over him in one big wave. [color=#fff]" i've m-made so many p-people sad, and so m-many people w-worried, and f-frustrated, a-and upset, i....... d-don't want t-to remember a-all of the d-depressed f-faces i saw. i j-just want to f-forget it a-all. it sh-shouldn't be in m-my mind anymore. if o-one of us f-forgets.... th-the other should too. "
" i'm sorry. "
" i don't love her anymore. "
the tape was left, hidden in all of his old things, back in the tribe of ancient stones territory. no one would find it there. only he would dig it up when the time came. but, for now, eternal was back. there was a smile on his face as he entered the territory. there was not a thing in his mind. it was clear. a blank slate. a fresh mind. one that had not been tainted by fear, hatred, and disgust. he remembered nothing about springpaw and all of their adventures, or their troubles. he didn't know anything about toas, besides the fact that he had a duel membership once, and that hadn't lasted very long. he had a few things that he left there, but it was nothing he actually needed. all he knew was that he was returning home after a long time of being away. if his old self knew of what was happening, he would have been at peace. [color=#fff]" h-hey, everyone! i'm s-sorry i was g-gone for so l-long. but, i'm b-back now! and i'm h-happy to b-be here. " a smile sat of the young fox's face.
[align=center][size=7pt]how happy is the blameless vestal's lot
the world forgetting, by the world forgot
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd