Blunt vs rude?

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    [justify][fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; width: 420px; color: darkgrey;][sub]I have a bad habit of being... Very blunt. And more than thrice has this been taken the wrong way, especially over text/messages. It doesn't happen as often in person because you can hear each other's tones of voice and facial expressions. But over online/text messaging, you only have text. It's like, imagine you're reading this post, and I am writing it in a very angry tone. It sounds quite rude(?) right? Now imagine reading this post and I have a very neutral/curious tone. Often for me in my experiences, people read my posts (when I say posts, I mean posts in general, not limited to this site) as if I am coming off quite rude? When in fact I am really just being blunt. What makes things worse is I really don't like using text faces/emojis, heh heh. Though emojis do seem to be a way of making your message seem more friendly.


    Basically, any tips on how to come off as less rude and more friendly, if that makes sense?


    (I'm generally bad with verbal communication, it's been my weak spot my whole life and I don't seem to be growing out of it)

    [align=center][fancypost borderwidth=0px; width: 300px; height: auto; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px;][justify][hr][hr]just say 'lol', 'lmao', 'i'm a ((insert vaguely self-deprecating word here)) ik' a lot. works for me.


    i have the same problem, but reading what i wrote to myself a couple times before posting/sending it helps sometimes? i used not to like emojis either, but they help my messages sound much less rude so i use them when i'm afraid i sound mean. and when in doubt, just add a 'haha' at the end and you should be fine. but sometimes that might make it sound passive-aggressive so be careful. c:

    [justify][fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; width: 420px; color: darkgrey;][sub]Yeah, another thing is when I DO try to make my message seem more friendly, I feel like I'm being passive aggressive.


    It's probably just a tumblr thing but maybe people are getting allot more sensitive lately?

    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=transparent; color:; font-size: 9pt; text-align: justify; overflow: auto; width: 450px;]I have your problem, but reversed. It seems like I can never come off as strictly blunt anymore when needed, because I've been using emojis and tons of exclamation points beforehand and I generally try to make it seem like I'm all extroverted and light just by using a ton of ridiculous words and bad habits. did that make sense?? prob not


    Considering how I act friendly on a daily basis, my only tip for you is to be lazy and ridiculous, because sometimes I just don't use punctuation or I do but more than needed (ex. !! after literally every sentence) and people think I come off as more open and are more easy when talking to me :^)


    sorry if this was confusing

    [justify][fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; width: 420px; color: darkgrey;][sub]I get what you mean. I like being ridiculous and laid back, but that's usually on chat threads when everyone's having a laugh. In other situations though, I like to be somewhat serious, y'know?


    But thanks I'll keep that in mind!


    Tbh I think people are more easily offended right now, because of all the sensitive topics/situations going on currently?

    [fancypost borderwidth=; border: 0px black; border-radius: 0px; bgcolor=transparent; width: 300px; auto;][justify][size=7pt]insert an ayy or like, forewarn people when you begin talking to them as friends
    tbh, lea is blunt all the time, to me, but i just laugh it off and call her salty because i know she loves me
    iddddkk how to help, but don't like, force yourself to change the way you talk until you feel uncomfortable or anything like that, just, idk, let it be yo


    tbh i just capslock all my shit so i don't sound salty

    Its definitely very easy to hurt people's emotions nowadays.


    I have the same problem as you, except I'm a fucking bitch irl and I can't control it. Its honestly really annoying. Over text/this site, I use a bunch of laughing faces and stuff. So maybe just use some faces?

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    [size=6pt]-[/size] if i feel something could be felt as rude ill try to make it friendlier with c:, haha, or something[/fancypost][/fancypost][sup][size=5pt]beware hidden scrolling[/fancypost]

    [fancypost bgcolor=#FFF; border: 1px solid thistle; width: 350px; height: auto; padding: 0px; padding-bottom: 30px][fancypost bgcolor=thistle; border: none; width: 350px; padding: 0px; margin-top: 50px; height: 40px][/fancypost][fancypost borderwidth=0; border: 3px solid thistle; border-radius: 1000px; height: 100px; background: url(http://i.imgur.com/0fvo8jo.jpg) center; width: 100px; padding: 0px; margin-top: -75px][/fancypost][fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 230px; text-align: justify; padding: 0px; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 98%; color: #000; padding-top: 30px]okay, i hope you don't mind if half of this theory comes from one of the characters i used to play.


    first of all, differentiating between being blunt and rude. being blunt is where you speak what you believe is the truth without sugarcoating. scenario one: someone posts a piece of artwork and asks for opinion. you don't think it looks all that great, and proceed to tell them that ( i.e. doesn't look too good in my opinion ), or tell them some way to make it better ( i.e. you should make the body bigger / head smaller ). this is not being rude, this is simply stating your opinion. the thing is, in today's society, most people don't like accepting their flaws, and would prefer compliments even if they weren't true, so what you're saying can be perceived as rude.


    being rude is, in my opinion, purposefully hurting someone's feelings or deliberately insulting them, as well as using crude language. following along with the above scenario, someone being rude would reply with something along the lines of "it looks like crap".


    bluntness and rudeness are often confused, but the effects are both the same. i don't think people are confusing you being rude or you being blunt, i think it's mainly that your opinions may be unwelcome and they may become defensive or otherwise antagonistic because of it.


    as a "solution": first of all, i agree with tohsaka, you should not have to change yourself. if you want to express your opinions upfront, then you should do it. in order to soften your words a little, however: make suggestions rather than blunt opinion. use emojis, smiley faces, whatever -- show whoever you're talking to that you aren't being too serious or trying to be deliberately insulting. sugarcoat your words, it often helps. instead of saying "it doesn't look good", say "it's obvious you spent a lot of work on that, good job! have you tried _____, maybe? just my personal preference ^^;".


    if you need any more advice or more examples, feel free to ask! [s]wow this turned into a lecture i'm sorry
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