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★ it was likely that he wouldn't be remembered. But that was okay, since anyone who remembered a face such as his would only be something considerably close to a burden. Clarke, elodie... Those names he pushed to the back of his mind. If he was going to live forever, there was no reasoning as to why he would let their existences affect his thinking, but no matter what he did he was convinced that he.... Really enjoyed their former company. But though they convinced him that they would be around far longer than he, it was no question that he was here even while they were not. Mortals... He would never let himself grow attatched again, he told himself over and over. The only things he had that stayed with him thus far was his music, his scarf, and his extensive knowledge of herbs. His time in snowclan at least meant something to him in regards to that. And he had the group that he founded with ikare-- the fortress of lakara, or, as he had made fun of the name formerly, the fortress of lakra. He couldn't help himself, seeing as it was too much of a hastle to avoid the word play. He still remembered the shock on everyone's faces when they realized that their stoic and sleepy warden was, in fact, a sarcastic bastard, but oh well, you couldn't change a guy if it wasn't his will.
And that was what sei had done, a long time ago. Changed himself. And he wasn't going to be the person he once was ever again, lest kirisakicarnival and parhelionlogig ever returned to his side again. Although..... He had accepted their deaths as his fault, and had used his inability to save them against himself. No, he could never be the caring, Brown eyed tiger who sought to please everyone, the guy that fumbled over his words and held his breath too much. But he would continue to be an actor- changing his voice, eye color, and personality to fit the mold he wanted to assign himself for the sake of bit being hurt again. If course things had to be like that.... Of course.
Luckily for everyone, no one would remember who he used to be if they hadn't seen him around at the very beginning of the church of the imperium's time, when it was first founded. And he had only been around for a short time, enough to experience a life changing epitome, at the very least. Not that he would stick around to share it with anyone. Some people reacted to change badly, and for seironsyndrome, it was simply to shut down, deny, and stay in depression. It was a life one wouldn't want to live but it was his, and one might say that he shouldn't have gone through such a thing. But there was no stopping it or rewinding time now- what was done was done, and now he was a horrible, messed up version of himself. The version that thought and believed that if he could keep up his little facade that he wouldn't have to face what he had hidden deep inside of him. That he wouldn't have to one day come to the truth. Of course things had to be that way, although there wasn't much he could do about it. He believed that he could run away from it and ignore it, and without anyone to trust he stuck to it like him on an unsuspecting man's shoe.
Anyhow, he should have been sleeping. Every few seconds his jaws opened up as wide as they could for a yawn, one after the next as he scratched at his gills, covered by his scarf. You see, he liked to keep those a secret for special clanmate torment, when he decided to sleep in the water and listen on as they feared for his life. But he wouldn't be pulling that one in a while, seeing as he was too tired. "...mendokusai....." the white tiger mumbled, frowning ever so slightly in a troubled manner. In the language he knew best, he was practically calling this waiting process a pain, or a bother. and that was his favorite phrase, to be heard more often than not. "it's troublesome,", "it's too much work,", and "it'd be a bother,"; however put, he said then a lot and everyone would begin to see how lazy he was.... Until he saw that someone was hurt or near something that was a trigger to him. But it was too early to get into his psychological problems, and there would be too much to say about it that would likely be nothing but a bore. But, as I was saying, he really, although he wouldn't like to admit it, liked to use herbs to help. However he complained and taunted the one that received injuries, he couldn't help but feel needed when something that he learned for the sake of not wanting anyone else to die was put to use.
Although it hadn't worked when he needed it most huh....? Karma was a bitch.
And although the river had managed to keep his eyes open, they soon became half-kidded and that turned into them being closed, and soon, light snores were aiming from sei as he collapsed into a laying position at the border. It had only been five seconds since he had come. But he was tired as hell and he wasn't going to let anything bother him right now. Well, hopefully. Let's just say he wanted to have someone approach him, although he would not say as much when it actually happened. being a sadist was actually really annoying, you know?
/pls excuse my errors, I know they are there *squints*
