you can't wake up {pafp} this is not a dream

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I knew it was a stupid idea, I was just trying to make it easier for him to keep me safe, like he wanted to. It didn't look like there was any option at all that resulted in me being safe. We had to get rid of this ghost, it was the only way to make sure he didn't hurt anyone else again. Unfortunately, I hadn't the slightest clue how to do that. "You have a point," I said, and rubbed the fabric of his shirt between my fingers, staring at my hand as I did so. I curled up more against him, I didn't exactly have much space anyways being in the front seat with him again. But he was still comfortable and I really didn't want to have to go back and sit so far away again.
"This ghost seems to be centered on you, though. Hurting anyone you care about," I said, trying to make this all make sense to me. "So why you. What have you ever done to him?" I asked and reached over to roll the windows up. Not all the way, just more closed because it was starting to grow chilly as the sun dipped down beyond the horizon. We really should be getting going somewhere, before the two of us passed out in the car, and in the morning woke up to a police officer giving us a ticket. So, I reluctantly drew myself away, crawling back to the passengers seat, sighing as I did so. "Home, please, so tired," I reached up and rubbed at my eyes, grumbling and growing a little cranky.

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I buckled myself back into the seat, all while wishing I could sit in the drivers with him. Kinda like earlier when he was trying to get away from his house, and I didn't have a choice but to sit there with him. But I didn't want to make it harder for him to drive, I'd rather not get in an accident. So I put up with sitting alone in the passengers seat, wondering if I would ever get to be that close to him again. I glanced down in front of me, looking around for my things, but I guess I didn't have the chance to do that as Aster frantically tried to get me out of his house. Luckily I stashed a spare key in the hallway, velcroed it to the top of my doorframe. You wouldn't see it unless you were really looking for it.
Anyways, we finally got there and I looked at the building with relief, I could go lay down! Aster asked if I wanted him to come inside and I said maybe too quickly, "Yes,". Then I cleared my throat and glanced out the window. "You look like you're about to pass out, there's no way I'm making you drive back home," I said and then opened up the car door. "I have a pull out couch you can sleep on anyways," I offered, because I figured him napping and then going home would be pretty stupid if it was getting late. But hey, I couldn't stop him if he was only going to stay for a little, it was completely up to him. I waited for a moment by the car to see if he'd follow right away before shrugging and heading over to the doors, opening it up. I was on the second floor so I made my way to the stairs.

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"Okay," I had said to Aster. Usually I walked up the steps quickly, but tonight I was drained so I took my time, walking up the two staircases until I got to the landing for floor two and held the door open for Aster behind me. Then I walked down the hall until I got to my apartment door and reached up on my tiptoes, feeling around for the key up there, and pulled it off when I found it. Then I used it to open the door and slipped inside, setting the key on the little table that was in a mini hallway to the door.
My apartment was actually really nice. I did have two pretty well paying jobs...but anyways, we walked into the kitchen and living room area - one big open concept. On the right the walls ended, but on the left was a hallway that led down to my room, there was a bathroom, and then on the other side of the hall was a study, and then a built in closet that had my washing machine and dryer, and all my linens. I didn't have any personal pictures of people in my life, besides one of my mom and I on one of the walls. The rest of the pictures were just art I found to make the walls feel less empty.
I headed to the laundry closet first, opening those sliding doors and reaching up on the shelf to grab a pillow and blanket. "If you need any more blankets besides this one just go in the closet here," I instructed and went over to the couches. I had two, one with three cushions and a loveseat. I place the pillow and blanket down on the longer couch, because Aster was kind of tall. "Bathroom is right over there next to my room," I pointed and then returned to the front door, making sure it was locked up. And then I headed to my room, closing the laundry closet on the way, and left my door slightly closed but not all the way as I went to look for pajamas. I wondered if I should offer to give Aster some of my ex's old clothes. I still had them, in fact I still had most of his things with me in a bin in the closet in my room...I went in there and opened up the bin, taking out one of his plaid button down shirts he always wore. I changed into that and then went and found a pair of shorts to wear otherwise. I lifted the shirt to my nose and breathed in the scent. Still smelled like him.
My chest hurt for a momen but I shook my head and left my room to go find Aster and see if he needed anything else.

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I stopped in the bathroom, a little hesitant at first. I didn't close the door as I simply washed up for bed. I wasn't using the toilet so there was no need to keep the door shut. I washed my face and brushed my teeth and then combed my hair. I took out my contacts too - yep i was a nerd and had glasses, which I slipped on. After that I tied it up in a messy bun. I'd shower the next morning so I didn't care what it looked like from now until the morning. I kept my eye on the door the whole time, just because I was scared of getting locked in again. Luckily nothing happened and I left the bathroom quickly, shutting off the light behind me as I continued down the small hallway to peek into the living room.
I paused, leaning against the wall there and watched him. I had been quiet so he hadn't noticed me yet, staring over at him as he looked at something on his phone. I figured maybe he was checking emails or something but..there was a soft expression on his face, which told me he was looking at something personal. I had no idea what but, it seemed like a private moment and I began to back away to leave him alone, until he put his phone down on the floor, laying his arm over his face.
That was when I knocked on the wall, announcing my presence and I cleared my throat, adjusting my glasses briefly. "Is there anything else you need before I head to sleep?" I asked, crossing my arms as I leaned against the wall. The red plaid shirt I had on was kind of long and covered the shorts I was wearing. I was wearing pants though I swear! "Need me to tuck you in?" I teased, nodding to the pillow and blanket that were on the ground. If he thought my teasing was going to stop now, he was wrong. I'd probably never stop teasing the poor guy. It was too much fun. The light was on in the kitchen area and I went over to shut that off for him, the only light was one of the lamps on the end table by his feet. When he was ready to sleep he could shut it off. I headed back to the hall and paused in case he did need anything.

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It was quite possibly I had worn shorter shorts than usual on purpose, but it was also possible that I wore things like this to bed all the time. I didn't miss him glancing at my legs briefly and I snorted. Oh I really needed to stop messing with him, it wasn't fair to either of us. But it was fun. I chuckled at what he said and then shook my head, spinning around. "Nope," I said and headed back to my room, almost thinking about yelling back that I was wearing shorts but eh, the mystery was more exciting.
I climbed into bed, bundling myself up in the covers, but then I realized it was way too dark in here, and I reached over to turn the light on beside my bed. There, much better. That way I could see if any creepy soldiers were lurking around in my room. I leaned back and bundled back up, closing my eyes and trying to sleep. But yknow those thoughts that creep up just as you're trying to sleep, and you think about things you should have said, should have done. Or there's the dark thoughts that just scare the heck out of you. I slunk down under the covers and even put a pillow over my head to try and hide from everything. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing all the thoughts away so I could just fall asleep.

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I kept thinking about what would have happened if I saved my ex. I also was thinking about what would happen if the soldier showed up just now in here with Aster in the other room. Would Aster even hear if anything happened? Would the soldier be smart and kill me quietly? Probably now, it seemed he enjoyed the show. I shuddered at the memory of seeing Aster'a body being shredded and stabbed and oh god why was I letting myself think about these things? I was never going to be able to sleep, and even if I were to pass out, I know I'd be plagued with nightmares.
I sat up, untangling myself from all the blankets and sighed, looking around the room. I decided I didn't want to be alone in my room to drown myself in these scary thoughts. So I slid out of bed, grabbed a pillow and my blanket and shuffled down the hallway, quietly. Aster was still awake too, and I just glanced at him, not saying anything as I got on the loveseat and set my pillow down, then climbed on the couch and set the blanket over me, curling up. "Night," I murmured, rolling over onto my side, pulling the blanket a little bit over my head. Oddly I felt much calmer in here, with Aster nearby. My head was still bouncing around depressing things but at least I wasn't as scared, knowing someone was right over there in case anything were to happen. I yawned and finally started calling asleep, breathing slowing down.

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[yeah]

Like I predicted, my sleep was full of nightmares, incorporated everything I had learned that day. Multiple soldiers were out to kill me, with blades, and saws. There was a lot of chasing involved. My ex was even there, bringing me back to the day I'd killed him. At first his face was his own, then it changed to Aster's and then to the soldier's before I woke up from that. I hadn't been screaming, I had just woken up, my eyes wet apparently from crying. I must not have been crying too loudly since Aster was asleep on the couch nearby. I sighed and wiped at my eyes, letting my heartbeat slow before I fell back asleep.
In the morning I was woken by knocking on the door, a soft little knock and I smiled, knowing who it was. I quickly got up, glancing over at Aster briefly before getting off the couch and walking quietly to the door. I opened it up and smiled down at the little boy waiting at the door. "Aw, Ben," I said when I saw he had been crying. "Your parents fighting again?" I asked quietly, and then stepped aside to let him in as he nodded and sniffled. The child was around ten years old, and his parents were often yelling at each other. I had run into him on the stairs one night and found him crying. I knew what a divorce was like. I kept him company on the stairs and eventually brought him back to his parents. Now the kid came over whenever he felt uncomfortable being around them. "You've got to be quiet okay I've got a guest," I whispered.
Ben nodded and glanced over to see my guest on the couch and he gave me a look before running to go sit on the stools on the other side of the island. "You got my cereal?" he spoke silently like I had asked, and I nodded, grabbing the box from the cabinet, giving him a bowl and spoon and some milk from the fridge. "I know it's hard, Ben. Just hang in there," I ruffled his hair and then turned on the coffee maker to brew some for myself, and I even added some extra in case Aster wanted some too.

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I put the milk away when Ben was all set and then I headed down the hall to my room to put longer pants on because I didn't want to scar the poor child, or have him tell his parents and then I'd be some kind of pedo. Which, I wasn't. I only liked people my age, thank you very much. Or in this case dead guys a few years older than me...Whatever, it wasn't like I was going to act on that attraction to Aster. I'm pretty sure it would end up going nowhere in the first place. Plus, he'd lost his fiancee and kids so tragically, I doubt that he'd easily be ready for something more. And I really, really, didn't want myself to get hurt. There was that self protection.
Anyways, as I was in my room, I guess Aster woke up. Ben had swiveled around in his chair as he heard Aster sit up, and the kid was super observant. He abandoned his cereal bowl and slid off the stool, heading around over to the man on the couch and tilted his head. "Are you okay?" he asked. I heard that from my room, and I grew a little worried. I had pulled on sweatpants by now and I shuffled out of my room back to the living room and looked over at the two. "Hey, it's okay Ben I'll take care of him. Just go eat your breakfast," I said sweetly to the kid and he shrugged, going back to eat while I headed over to Aster and sat down on the coffee table across from him. It was a sturdy piece of furniture, and it wasn't like I was heavy anyways. "Everything okay?" I asked, worried. He didn't look or sound too good.

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I stared at him, taking in his appearance as he massaged his temples. I reached forwards and touched his forehead to see if maybe he had a fever or something. I pulled my hand back and merely raised an eyebrow at him as he growled that his head hurt and that he was fine. I got up and headed into the kitchen, getting a glass of water and filling it up. "What's wrong with your boyfriend?" Ben asked as he was pouring more cereal into his bowl, so he could use up all the milk. I chuckled at Bens words, but didn't bother correcting the kid. He was young anyways.
"He's fine," I said and then headed down the hall to the bathroom, grabbing aspirin from the medicine cabinet before placing that and the glass of water on the table. "Not sure if medicine still works on you but it's worth a try," I said quietly, so Ben wouldn't ask further questions. I left him alone again, since I knew if I had a piercing headache I wouldn't want anyone pestering me. Ben finished up his food and glanced over at Aster before he got out of the chair. "Feel better," he called and then gave me a hug before heading for my door. I followed him to the doorway and made sure he made it back to his parents apartment down the hall before I shut the door. The kid was adorable - and if his parents didn't want him anymore I'd totally adopt him. But I knew his parents loved him, despite them fighting and scaring him. I had tried to talk to them once but they just yelled at me.
I headed back into the kitchen where the coffee was finally ready, and I poured myself a cup. "You want coffee? Or breakfast?" I asked. I could make him something if he wanted, guaranteed it wouldn't be the best breakfast since I really couldn't cook at all.

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I caught him shaking his head in response to my question and I shrugged. Less work for me then. I went into the freezer and pulled out some bread, sticking some pieces in the toaster I had, and put the bread back. Then I got out butter to put on the pieces when they were done. In the meantime I spiped my coffee and leaned against the counter while waiting for the toast to be done. "Ben. He lives a few apartments down. His parents are going through a divorce but still live together, so they fight a lot. He comes over sometimes to escape them," I explained, putting my coffee down and adding a little bit more sugar. Then the toast popped and I took it out, buttering the slices, and then I took my plate and mug with me to the living room. I sat down on the floor, using the coffee table as my table, resting the plate and mug on it before biting into a slice of food. I noticed the glass of water was gone, and I smirked to myself. My gaze shifted to him, as he stared at the ceiling. "You going to be alright?" I asked, brushing some crumbs off my shirt. "I'm guessing you had a rough night? Sorry. The couch isn't the best. I mean my back is killing me," I reached back to rub it a few times. I decided not to say anything after that, I was just being annoying. I went back to enjoying my breakfast, eating the toast and slowly sipping at the coffee. I'm not going to lie, but this was really awkward, and things felt weird. But I mean he'd leave eventually and then I could get ready for the day and not look like the completely mess that I was right now. Oh god my appearance, I probably looked awful.