you can't wake up {pafp} this is not a dream

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I wish I could read his mind so badly right now, then I'd know what he was thinking and what he was feeling right now. I watched as he laid back on the floor, drumming his fingers on his stomach. I stayed sitting there, frowning and turning my head away not to look at him anymore. I listened to him talk, thinking perhaps he can get Xavier to let him go. "Maybe we can go to his grave and do something that would undo what he's so angry at you for. Do something respectful," I mumbled, unsure if that would even work, if it would make peace with Xavier. "We should talk to them both tomorrow," I whispered quietly, and nodded as he said he wanted me to be safe. "You make me feel safe. And I don't want to leave you alone here to suffer. I'd regret leaving, more than I'd regret staying. And I don't even care if I die, Aster. Not anymore. There's nothing worth living for in my life right now," sure my dad was reaching out to me, but I doubt it was because he cared. He'd left my mom and me, didn't care for me when I lived with him. I did have Jenna, a great job, but there was no...spark in my life. I mean not until now, really, with Aster. I eventually moved to lay on the ground as well, closing my eyes and sighing to myself.

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I rolled onto my side so my back was to him right now, though I honestly wanted nothing more to turn around and curl up at his side. But I didn't, I was too caught up in trying to figure this all out. And by all this I meant what I wanted to do. "This would have been so much easier if I didn't-" I stopped talking, not ready to admit that to him. I had been about to say it would have been easier if I hadn't developed strong feelings for him. Then I could leave the house and come check up on him without feeling guilty and without feeling like part of me would be stuck here even if I did leave him behind.
And as for this dying situation, he wasn't fully understanding. "I wasn't talking about half dying," I murmured. "I meant really dying," I said, running my fingers over one of my arms gently. It would be easier to be okay with dying if I didn't have feelings for him too. "I don't know, I'm not thinking about myself I'm just thinking about what's best for you, I'm sorry," I made a grumbling sound because my headache wouldn't go away, it was intensifying. I think I needed a nap, I was getting grumpy. "I think you're the only person who would care if I died, besides maybe my friend Jenna," I flipped around to face him, though there was space between us. A good foot or two. "What if I want you in my potential life? If you stay here I cant have that completely." I looked at the wooden floor and scratched at it, avoiding eye contact, if he was looking at me at all.

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I noticed the floor was already pretty scratched up. This house was so old...in the midst of those silly thoughts I felt him pull me closer, a gasp escaping me, but I shut up as soon as I noted how close I was to him, his face. He was so unbelievably handsome and I couldn't tear my eyes away from his right now. And the look on his face right now, how much he cared...I was going to explode. And our face were so so close, all I had to do was lean forwards a bit and we would be kissing. I thought that was what he was going to do, when he pulled me in in the first place, so my heart sped up, butterflies trying to escape my stomach. But he spoke instead. His words only made my chest tighten with emotion and all I wanted to do was squeeze him tightly and tell him everything I felt about him or something extremely sappy. He was making me feel better, saying all the other people would be sad, and he'd be devastated. Why did I even bring up the death thing? I knew he cared and I knew he hated losing people. I was so selfish, I hated myself for it. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, eyes moving from his to look down at his mouth before I returned them to his eyes again. "Okay. We will figure it out. I'm going to stay here and we're going to find a way out together," I reached up and laid my hand along the side of his face, thumb tracing over his lips, not trying to get rid of the lipstick this time. If he wasn't going to kiss me, I might just do it myself.

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I don't know what I was doing. My brain turned into mush as soon as he had brought our foreheads together. I lost all sense and all I could think about was him, and how much I wanted this now. And like him, it wasn't just a sexual attraction. That was part of it but I wanted him because I care so much, and I wanted to be with him. "You werent kidding when you said you liked to bite," I whispered quietly as he bit on my thumb. It didn't hurt, but oh did this only somehow make me more attracted right now.
I was not expecting him to move our heads so close so that our lips were just barely brushing each other. I let out a noise, mix between a purr and a whimper, because this teasing was not fair. I wanted to laugh at his comment about his eyes, instead I just smiled a bit and kept my eyes on him. "If I'm going to kiss you I'm not going to be looking into your eyes," I told him, and then I dropped my gaze back down to our mouths, and then closed my eyes. I didn't need to move that much as I leaned in more, pressing our lips together, moving my hand to his neck. I kept it slow: I didn't want this to be a desperate kind of kiss, I wanted it to last and be intimate. And this felt good even if he wasn't kissing back yet, I didn't realize how much I wanted this to happen until now. My stomach was swirling with butterflies and my mind was a jumbling mess, but it at least knew it wanted to kiss Aster.

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I was a little worried at first when he didn't kiss back immediately. Had I misread the situation? I couldn't have, he literally moved our faces together. All doubts disappeared when his hand tangled itself in my hair and he pulled me closer to him. I moved both of my hands to around his neck, and like his hand in my hair, I moved one to his too, and maybe only because his reaction when I did that amused me. I had imagined kissing Aster before, but I didn't expect myself to feel so much towards him. I was taken a little by surprise at him biting my lip, but then again he did say he would probably do that. It got a giggle out of me, and I kept kissing him, until eventually I pulled back and kissed his nose. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it you were...being quite the tease," I said and then moved, so I snuggled into his body, my head nesting where his neck was, breathing in his scent, and even giving his neck a soft kiss.

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His sound effects with everything I was doing was just too funny, but they also made me want to continue doing what I was doing to continue to get these reactions. It felt good to please someone. "Yes you can," I murmured, still playing with the hair on his head, sighing happily. He was the one good thing in this house right now, and I was glad that these feelings weren't one sided. He cared about me too. "Oh and look at that, I did want to kiss you despite the biting," I teased and then let out a yawn. "What time is it anyways? I feel like we've been here for a week, not a day," I changed the subject, thinking he probably didn't want to talk about feelings right now, so I focused on something else. I wondered if we were really going to lay on the ground for the rest of the night. I didn't want to leave his grasp but at the same time the floor was uncomfortable.

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I didn't know that this wasn't in character for him. He seemed pretty confident when it came to this, and I was glad because I really wasn't. I'd been bold just that once, kissing him. Who knows if I'd do that again...okay well I probably would, now that I know he wont push me away or not kiss back. At the mention of the time I blinked. "You know that by not looking at a clock?" I asked, and gave his neck one more kiss before pulling myself away, nodding. "Yes please. My back hurts from sleeping on the couch last night, so the floor isn't comfy, no matter how nice it is to be held by you," I said and rubbed my back, and then brushed hair out of my face. "Where's we gonna go?" I yawned, zipping up my sweatshirt because I was cold without his arms around me.

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I looked around the room and huffed as I realized we were still in this stupid house. For a moment there I'd forgotten about everything else, and was just focused on him. I glanced at him before slowly getting to my feet, stretching my arms up and twisting to try and crack my back. It worked thankfully and I felt a little better. "I will sleep on anything but the floor to be honest," I said and rubbed the back of my neck, before nodding as he said there was a master bedroom upstairs somewhere. "Let's hope the bed isn't too dusty so that I dont cough up a dustball or something in the morning," I joked and shuffled for the stairs, taking my shoes off in the process, holding them with one foot and then I used the railing as a guide. "Cmon before the drag you through the floor again and I need to beg to see you," I paused to wait for him.

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I raised an eyebrow as he took the bag of food, but okay. I let him walk in front of me up the stairs that way I could see if anything happened to him, in case it did. I hoped things would be over with and done for the night so I could sleep in peace. I doubt it though, something was bound to happen, and if it wasn't nightmares then it was going to have to be ghost activity. I nodded and went inside the room when he motioned. "True but then the dust is going to go everywhere," I said and sighed, heading over to the bed which looked really comfortable, and I grabbed the pillows, hitting them and shaking them to get any dust off. It worked and I coughed a few times, placing them back on the bed before grabbing the blanket and doing the same. But eventually I just let the blanket go and crawled onto the bed, curling up. "This mattress might be better than the one I have at home," I mumbled, sounding sleepy.

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I shifted so I could look at him sitting over on the chair. I questioned why in the first place he was all the way over there and not anywhere near me. Maybe the kiss had been too much, too soon, too intimate on something and he needed a bit of space from me? I don't know that was probably a dumb reason. I didn't say anything though. Maybe he just wasn't ready to sleep yet and he was going to sit and keep watch or something. Oh that wasn't a bad idea at all. I laughed as he asked if I wanted him to tuck me in, like I had asked. Was that really only yesterday? It honestly felt like a life time ago. "Actually, yes. Can you come tuck me in?" I asked with an innocent smile, trying to reach out for the edge of the blanket, that was just out of reach.