you can't wake up {pafp} this is not a dream

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If you'd like some free FeralFront memorabilia to look back on fondly, see this thread from Dynamo (if this message is still here, we still have memorabilia): https://feralfront.com/thread/2669184-free-feralfront-memorabilia/.

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    All of those things did sound terrible...but I'm sure Aster probably was not in the best mental state due to what Xavier had done to him. "But he's not that person anymore...I can't even imagine him doing those things," I wasn't going to believe this woman's words unless Aster himself admitted it. "He's already dead, Bethany. He doesn' t need to suffer anymore," even if Aster had done those things, it didn't sound like he killed anyone or harmed anyone but himself. And like I said, he wasn't like that anymore, at least from what I'd seen of him. He just wanted to help people, I couldn't see him being a drug addict or one to take hostages, I just didn't see that happening now. "I don't know, but we'll see. Thanks," I stared at the floor one more time, frowning, before getting up and brushing dust off myself. I was shaking, from fear maybe, and I followed after the ghost, going further into the basement.

    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» we're already

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]of all the things I thought I would have to go through, again, I didn't think it would be this. Put in a dress and decked out with makeup; having my hair styled into a chic style... I never thought I'd have to put on a dress ever again, and I certainly didn't want to put this thing in. But their hatred towards Astrid was more than enough reason to slip out of my normal clothes and into the frilly pink thing. God, it was humiliating, and the group of females admiring how well I was able to put makeup on wasn't helping.
    They had eventually put a gag in my mouth and tied me to a chair, trying to get me to surrender and let Astrid be hurt. Like hell. I've put on a dress before, and, even though my masculinity was slipping violently, if this was all it took to keep her safe... I was only upset because the cherry red lipstick I had put in was getting smeared on the cloth, which wasn't cool.
    The door opened and I blinked opened my eyes. The makeup was caked on and my eyes felt heavy with the thick black eye shadow and the winged eyeliner. I had to admit though... If I didn't have such a muscular build, and was built more like I was when I was sixteen... Muscular or not, I was a pretty attractive woman.
    "Bethany~ he's no fun! You said that he was selfish and would sell her out!" One of the girls whined and I glanced over to the door, feeling suddenly very self conscious at the sight of Astrid. Well shit... As much as I thought I was an attractive lady, I didn't want Astrid to have to see me dresses up like an girl...
    Vethany blinked and narrowed her eyes. "You were supposed to interrogate him; nor dress him up like a hooker!" She fumed. I frowned and growled, wanting to tell her that I was an attractive hooker, but not being able to because of the gag in my mouth.


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    I moped as I walked after Bethany, worried sick that they were doing horrible things to him and I'd have to watch or something. But when I actually got to the room and saw what was going on...I was extremely confused. At first, I didn't see Aster, there were only woman, but then I really looked and one of the women was Aster. I was torn between wanting to laugh at him, or scream at Bethany and her sisters. Clearly this was not what Bethany had said it was. I'd laugh about this later, but right now I was furious. "What kind of sick joke is this?" I asked, snapping at Bethany, thinking she was the source of all this stupidity.
    And as soon as she began talking with her sisters, them saying something about him selling me out. What did they mean by selling me out? What had I done? What was wrong with me? I tried not to look at Aster, only because he probably was extremely embarrassed for all this, god I was even embarrassed for him. I really wanted to go and wipe all the make up off and put him back into normal clothes as soon as I could. And I would after I destroyed these women. I had my fists clenched at my sides. "Now. Explain to me what is going on," I grumbled. "You're not punishing him for what you said, are you?" I shot a glare at Bethany, demanding an explanation .

    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» we're already

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]Bethany seemed to be as furious as astrid was. I mean, apart from being humiliated beyond belief, I was actually pretty comfortable. The dress felt really nice and I had been acknowledged for being able to put on makeup like a professional. Practice makes perfect, huh? Bethany sighed, running her temples as she turned to Astrid, looking sincerely apologetic. "I had told them to escort aster into a different room and try to get him to confess that he wanted to hurt you. That way, you'd have no choice but to accept the deal and leave him behind..." She said softly. I blinked, listening, though I was staring at the pink ruffles covering my legs.
    "After seeing how fatherly he acted with his daughters... I got jealous. I wanted aster to stay with me and teach me how to raise little girls; since I have my own little darling waiting for me in the after life. I had struck a deal with Xavier; he would leave you alone, and in return, he got to use me and my sisters how he pleased. I don't think Xavier is angry at aster anymore; I just think it's more of a... Finishing what he started typenof thing..." Bethany approached me and cocked her head a little bit, shooing her sisters away. "I just wanted him to stay here with me and I acted out of jealousy... Though I have to admit..." Bethany smiled widely. "He makes a gorgeous woman, don't you think?"
    I blushed and turned my head away, growling. Goddammit... This entire freaking mansion was just... Weird.


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    I was keeping myself pretty calm right now, despite the fact they were using us to get what they wanted. Well mostly what she wanted. "I would like to point out that we'd both be stuck here either way, so you'd get Aster either way," I rolled my eyes. "And you didn't have to do all of this, you could have just asked Aster and I'm sure he would have helped," I put my hands on my hips as I stared at them all. There were so many flaws with her plan. Maybe their brains deteriorating in their graves affected their brains as spirits. "I didn't even notice he was here until I really looked at him. So I guess. But can I have him back? As a man?" I asked, not liking her being anyway near him right now. "And if you ask Aster, maybe he'll help you out," I added. I didn't think for a moment Aster would ever admit he wanted to hurt me, because I just knew he wouldn't. But I didn't see the point of making him look like a girl, that was just beyond strange. I rubbed my temples, the headache I had already getting worse. Oh I wanted to get out of this house so badly, but I still wasn't sure if I wanted to agree with the deal. It was interesting hearing that Xavier wasn't as angry but was carrying out this torture because it was unfinished business. He was acting like a child.

    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» we're already

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]Bethany seemed defeated and I glanced at the ground. I wanted to help her out, I really did. But trying me up and getting your sisters to try and force a confession out of me? Now... I didn't like that. I mean, yeah, I felt pretty as hell and I kind of wanted to keep the dress on but... Well, Astrid said she wanted me back as a man. And, besides, men didn't like dressing up in dresses and putting on lipstick. Not that I was ever reallt manly to begin with but whatever.
    I shut my eyes as Bethany untied me from the chair, taking the cloth from my mouth. I didn't move for quite some time, the sudden shame if being seen like this being far too overwhelming. I wanted to start crying now... Goddammit. "Can you two, like... Leave for a minute?" I asked quietly, not looking at either of them simply because I couldn't bring myself to.


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    I was still angry but I was keeping it down for the time being, and moved my hands behind my back in frustration. I had thought they were doing something horrible to him and I freaked out so badly over nothing. I was embarrassed of myself and I was embarrassed for him right now. I wanted to hit something, yell I don't know I needed to get this emotion out of me somehow but I couldn't. When he asked both of us to go away, I had thought he meant Bethany and her sister, not me, but I realized he meant me too. "Oh..oh okay," I said and nodded, looking him over again, shaking my head at him in a dress and make up. They had gone a little over the top with the make up in my opinion, you weren't supposed to wear that much. I sighed and wandered back out of the door I had come through to leave him be, since I could see he needed a moment, but I really didn't want to go away. I wanted to hug him and squeeze him tightly because he was fine..he wasn't being tortured. Once I was back in the regular basement I went and leaned my forehead against the wall, closing my eyes. Maybe I should just go along with the deal, get out of here. I never felt this emotional before. I couldn't tell if I wanted to laugh, cry, or scream, or something and I hated it. Maybe I just needed to sleep. Yes, sleep sounded good. I slid to the floor and curled up, closing my eyes.

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    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]I was almost relecutant to pull the dress over my head. As much as I hated humiliation, I liked the way silk felt on my body. thats why i always had silk sheets and anything else i could get in silk. I just... Really really liked it. But, I pulled the dress off and put my normal clothes back on, frowning. I didn't really know how I would get the makeup off all that well, but I would try my best. It was a shame, really. I did a really nice job. Oh well. I wiped as much of the makeup off as I could, managing to get all but the lipstick off. I couldn't get all of the lipstick off, so my lips just looked darker than they normally would.
    Running my fingers through my hair, I frowned, spiking up my hair and glancing at myself in the mirror. I felt... Really disgusted, actually. By myself, of course. I didn't want to go face Astrid, but I had to. I also took the time to mentally hype myself up and put my emotionless mask back on, ready to be laughed at.
    Sliding out of my room, I blinked and glanced around, seeing Astrid on the floor. I paused, afraid to wake her if she was asleep, and just sat down where I was, pulling my legs up to my chest and resting my head in my knees.


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    I was not in fact asleep. I very very very much wanted to sleep but I couldn't. I could definitely feel the exhaustion all over me but my brain was full of a million different things. And I was scared, angry, upset all jumbled up in there. My heartbeat was still out of control, and my head hurt. It felt like nearly forever before Aster came out of the room, and I didn't move at all when he came and sat down next to me. A few moments past with me not doing anything, but then I took a deep breath. "She was telling me awful things. She made me think they were going to torture you and make you suffer and I was panicking," I mumbled and moved to sit up and look over at him. "She said that you were an awful person and I didn't know the real you, that you robbed banks and held people hostage and did drugs," I was rambling like crazy right now because I felt like I couldn't calm down at all. "And when I found out you weren't actually being punished for all those problems and they just put you in a woman's dress and put on make up and it was just to make me want to leave you alone here -" I paused to take a breath, and rubbed my eyes, sleepy. "Now I have all these emotions and I can't calm down. Are you okay though?" somehow within all that I managed to stop worrying about myself and focused on him again, if he was okay and if there was anything I could do I'd try.

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    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]I flinched when she said the things I did. How Bethany knew those things... It hurt my head just thinking about, but I stayed relatively still. When she asked if I was okay, I bit on my tongue, and put my head down further on my knees. "I did do those things," I said softly. I didn't see why she should be kept in the dark any longer. Bethany was right; I was a terrible person. And I knew I should have stopped, but I kept going. "I didn't ever mean to hurt anyone though... It started out just picking pockets when I was ten. That wasn't working, so I turned to prostitution. I was so disgusted by myself that I started drinking and smoking and getting high to forget what an failure I was. I would dress up like a girl and seduce men and rob them and run off and go buy more drugs. That wasn't ggettig me enough money, so I started robbing stores. I got greedy and started robbing banks. I held people for ransom and used that money to buy more drugs because I needed something to help me forget..."
    I gripped my knees tightly. "Eventually, I got caught and was sent to jail. After I served my sentence, I was sent to a rehab class for my alcohol and marijuana and cocaine addictions. Yosakai was one of the volunteers who introduced the new people to the facility.... I still drink here and there and sometimes I break down and smoke weed, but that's it; I swear."


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    When he didn't reply at first, that's when I knew he probably actually did do all those things and Bethany at least hadn't been lying. I hid my disappointment, slightly hoping it wasn't true. But at the same time, I didn't blame him for what he did. He didn't make the best choices, but he wasn't in the right state of mind. I just wished somehow I could have been there for him during those years and made it better, made him get better. But he got through it on his own, and met his fiance through it. So in the end he managed to get past that. Aster really...I wish he didn't have to do all that stuff, drugs especially to escape. I was glad to hear that he didn't do any of that anymore, and was better.
    "You don't have to prove yourself to me or anything, Aster," I told him, scooting over, pushing up against the wall and then leaning my head on his shoulder, wanting to be super close to him. "Whatever you did in the past, it's over with. You can't change that, and I'm glad you're in a better place now," I stared at his hands gripping his knees tightly, and I eventually closed my eyes again, feeling calmer than before but I still didn't think I was going to be able to sleep. "But you really dressed up as woman? Bethany was right you were kind of hot" I couldn't help but tease slightly, because come on I couldn't let the opportunity pass. "Too bad I'm straight," I added, laughing quietly to myself. "I think you're more good looking as you, though,"

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    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]I couldn't help the snort that made my body shake slightly for a bit. "Oh please. You and I both know you wanted to hike up my dress," I shot back, though it wasn't a really harsh tone and more of a 'yeah I was pretty hot as a girl' tone. Masculinity be damned; I was a sexy woman. She leaned against me and I wanted to scoop her into my lap and hold her carefully, but I managed not to. She probably wouldn't want me to grab her.
    I bit on my lip slightly and scoffed at nothing in particular. "Yes, I dressed up like a girl. I did it all the time as a kid because my sisters said I looked pretty and I did it when I got older because, hot damn, I was really pretty. But I was also a lot smaller when I was sixteen; I had more of a feminine figure. Plus, I could wear skirts and stuff because I have this weird genetic thing where hair doesn't grow on my body except for on my head and face. Like seriously, I have the smoothest legs you will ever behold," I chuckled softly, wanting to pull my pant legs up, but also not wanting to at the same time. I realized I had been rambling, so I cleared my throat. "Sorry. I'll shut up now."


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    I couldn't help but laugh at that comment and I shook my head. "I did not want to do that!" I defended and shook my head. "If I felt anything, it was jealousy that you were prettier than me," I said, but really the only thing I felt was secondhand embarrassment, even though it would appear now that Aster had somewhat enjoyed it, despite it being really weird and twisted. Seriously...why were ghosts so weird. I shifted further sitting close to him. We should probably go upstairs soon, I was still hungry for the food up there.
    I listened to him talk more about himself and dressing like a girl. I snorted when he said he only had hair on his face and no where else. "Wow can I be you? Shaving my body every two weeks is so annoying. Maybe I should get laser hair removal," I joked and glancing down at his legs for a moment. "No no, I like hearing your voice, I like hearing about you so you can talk all you want," I hugged my knees tightly to my chest and blew hair out of my face. "It's cold and creepy down here let's go back up," I shifted to move and get up.

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    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]when she shifted closer, my arm twitched slightly. I wanted to hug her and thank her for reasons that I didn't even know about. But, at the same time, I wanted to kind of push her away. Xavier wasn't really mad at me anymore, and he only wanted to kill Astrid because he was a completionest. That thought made my head spin violently and I bit in my lip, thinking.
    When she said she wanted to go back upstairs, I waited for a few moments before stretching my legs out and my arms above my head. "I feel like that would be infuriating. Shaving, I mean," I said as I stood up and carefully walked to the stairs. "Even if I did grow hair, I'd probably end up shaving it all off because... I don't know, hairy people are just... Not my thing. You know?"


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    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    In a way I was almost hoping he'd hold me again. I really liked the feeling of that, being in his arms, where I could pretend for a while nothing would hurt me. But either he was keeping his distance or maybe he just didn't want to, in don't know. Whatever the reason it was fine with me, I just really thing the both of us could use a hug right now. I got to my feet and again brushed all the dust off myself, smiling at hI'm after he stood up. "Oh believe me it is. Especially when you cut yourself multiple times and let me tell you those things take forever to stop bleeding," I explained, following him over to the stairs. I laughed at him saying hairy people weren't his thing. "You're funny," I said and then saw that he still had lipstick on, and I reached out to try and wipe it off his lip with my finger, but that didn't really work. He needed a wet cloth or something. I dropped my hand and headed up the stairs, though I went slowly and glanced back to make sure no one was going to pull him through the floor again. Eventually I made it up and waited for him again and when he didn't get taken away I hurried for the food, suddenly extremely hungry. How long ago had it even been since I had that brownie?

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    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]I froze slightly when she touched my lips. What the... Oh, right. I wasn't able to get all the lipstick off. That's what she was doing. I couldn't help but wish that she was just... Never mind. I went my lips after she had touched them and I sighed, following behind her quietly. Good god, I was like a little school boy; crushing on the popular pretty girl that was way out of my league. When we were on the main floor, I watched her hurry to the bag of food; raising an eyebrow. Well she was hungry... I sat down a few feet from her, wondering if I should eat, but ultimately deciding not to. Astrid needed food, unlike me, and who knew how long we'd be in here anyway. "Are you just going to eat the brownies and nothing else?"


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    I shifted through the bag, pulling out a water bottle, and then I took out one of the sandwiches, though I split it in half. I had to save the food, I didn't exactly know if I'd be getting out any time soon...and there wasn't anything to eat. I hadn't thought about that...starving to death. Maybe I should take the deal, who knew how long it would take for us to somehow work with Xavier and get out. "No," I snorted. "I am craving this sandwich. Though I can't eat all the food right now, have to save it in case I don't take the deal," and I didn't want to tell Aster that I was seriously thinking about staying because he was already against that. I just wanted to be around him and I wanted to get him free of all this ghost business. And we could take the girls out of here with us! I went and sat down by him, taking small bites of the sandwich, and opened up the water bottle, taking a sip. I offered the water to him too in case he wanted some. "Do you really want me to take the deal?" I asked with a frown.

    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» we're already

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]when she sat down next to me, I suddenly like a jerk. I didn't know if she wanted to be in close proximity with me, so I always stayed my distance, but every time I did that, it seemed she wanted to be as close as possible. Maybe I should just start assuming she wants to be near me... Eh, I'll figure that all out later. When she offered me the water, I shook my head. "I want you to be safe, Astrid. And Bethany said you could come back whenever you wanted.."


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek

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    I sighed and took the water back, sipping from the bottle again before capping it and finishing off the small portion of the food. I didn't answer him right away, I just sat, elbows on my knees that were crossed, and my hands were supporting my chin as I stared ahead. Making the deal with Bethany and Xavier was the obvious option, everything coming to a peaceful standstill. But there was always the parts of the deal unsaid. I guess if I was going to agree to this, I needed to make sure Aster was not going to be harmed. But still I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving him, even if I got to see him often. "I don't know Aster. This guy has put you through so much, it bothers me that you don't want to fight to get him off your back," I said, not looking at him. "And the ghosts here are weird, besides your daughters, theyre really really weird," I frowned, moving my hands completely over my eyes. "It will be like visiting you as if you were in prison! You wouldn't be able to go sit in the park, or see a movie, go to the beach, or do anything fun with me," because for some reason assumed that we got out of here we might be close friends who hung out with each other, and I don't know maybe I was getting less and less bothered by the fact he was dead. I wasn't pushing my feelings for him back into the depths of my brain anymore. Still I wasn't doing anything about them. "And the girls, we could get them out too. You can...they can see something other than the walls of this rotting house," I finally looked over at him, frowning. "Let me stay and help free you," I probably looked extremely desperate right now.

    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» we're already

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px; width:200px; height:289px; background:url(https://41.media.tumblr.com/40…zqybbXAz1sfaqsuo1_500.jpg) center;][/fancypost] [fancypost bgcolor=black; borderwidth=0px; overflow: auto; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 8pt; color: #D2B48C; height: 289px; width: 300px; opacity: 0.70; text-align:justify]her desperate look made me frown a bit. Maybe I wouldn't be able to yeah, yeah, but I could probably convince Bethany to talk to Xavier about being able to let me out. Maybe... Maybe it could be like a curfew thing; I could be outside the house until a set time before I had to return. I don't know, I just... I just wanted Astrid to be safe. I wanted her to sleep easy and not need to worry about anything else. I just... I sighed heavily, laying back on the floor and drumming my fingers on my stomach. "I don't know, Astrid... Maybe we can work something out or something. The girls are here somewhere, I know they are, but I just don't know where. Maybe i can convince Bethany and Xavier to let me go too or something... I don't know. I don't know why..." I trailed off, not wanting to continue. Instead, I just shook my head. "I don't know. I just want you to be safe."


    [align=center][font=timesnewroman][size=24]» ZOMBIES
    [align=center][size=6pt]★ trek