your boldness stands alone among the wreck / open

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    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; font-family: times new roman; font-size: 50px; margin-bottom: -17px; letter-spacing: -2px; text-align: center; color: COLOR; text-transform: lowercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px black; margin-top: -15px;]roxy lalonde[/fancypost]


    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; width: 400px; color: COLOR; line-height: 100%; font-size: 12px; text-align: justify;]ic; Roxy?


    Her voice was so soft and fragile. It definitely was somebody new, not anything she'd heard before. The sound - or thought, she wasn't quite sure - was articulated perfectly, murmured with an air of cautious optimism. Visibly startled, Lalonde lifted her head and glanced over her shoulder, searching for the origin of her name. Nothing; nobody was around. She placed her head back in her paws. Maybe she imagined it. No surprise there... shit. The newly promoted leader's face fell into a frown, and she shifted positions again, burying her face deeper into her foreleg. If I had to break my sober streak, now would be the time. She didn't want to deal with her newfound responsibility, didn't want to risk thoughts of failing the clan, disappointing Ryan, overexerting herself. Ugh. Roxy pressed down more vigorously, squishing her body into a tight self-hug.


    ...You're not imagining me.


    The thought was gentle, almost lost in the ever buzzing static of her mind. The Rogue of Void froze and hesitantly unraveled herself, shakily standing to her feet. She looked around again, heart pounding against her chest. Holy shit, just, shit, this is not fuckin' happening... "I need poppy," she muttered aloud. I'll sleep before they start... hell, might even end up like Gavin, awake from nightmares. Fuck, wouldn't Mom love to hear about that, huh? ...Fuck.


    Roxy. This time, it was a bit more forceful. Gaining confidence, or perhaps a little irritated. Certainly not as kind as it was a moment ago. Listen, I can't- I can't stay long. The Void hides you really well, I'm a light player, it's hard for me. Please listen. I-


    Then there was static. When it went silent, Roxy almost felt a small void in her skull. The sudden looseness and loneliness washed over her. When it was talking, at least she felt like someone was in the room with her, no matter how creepy.


    "I... fuck," she swallowed, shaking her head. The totem was coming true, she was going crazy. Voices in her head. Voices! And she was a leader now. What would happen if she broke down in a meeting? A raid? What if she already had and was stripped of her position and sent away to a more permanent section of the healer's den?


    "God damnit," she swore quietly, voice cracking. Why was it her?[/fancypost]
    [align=center][size=5pt]TEMPLATE ©BOKEH ;; #BOKEHFANCY[/size]

    [fancypost bordercolor=transparent; width: 400px][justify]Jasper, too, dealt with some inner demons. Perhaps not to the extend that the newly appointed Chief endured, but something along those lines, surely. Although his were former friends and foes arguing back and forth among his thoughts, he could suppress them awfully well-- Lalonde, however, did not seem to possess such a strength just yet. Maybe she wanted to listen, or had an entirely different situation than he could ever imagine. Whatever the case, he came over to the muttering Rogue of Void with an extremely furrowed brow of unease. If he could.. he wanted to help. He liked her, was a big fan of her, and wanted nothing more than for his clan to flourish (which, of course, inferred their leader had to first of all).


    The ashen smoke could surely deal her a few seeds if need be, but he did not want to jump to the conclusion of that remedy. What, a head ache maybe? If she needed her nerves soothed, he could talk her down and just.. lay with her. That was a thought unfamiliar, but it came across his mind haphazardly and without any regard to his usually grumpy and misanthropic nature. It was almost as if he liked her. How foolish of him.


    But if it was drugs she wanted, drugs she got. He could not pry much more than what casual conversation would allow. His deep amber eyes held her figure and crumbling gait and he spoke, as if with the intensity of his eyes and gleaming gem, "Roxy, what can I do?" A plead perhaps, but he was coming to a point where things like this were too common. Situations with totems, charms, misfortune; all of it, and it was negatively affecting this clan more than he would have liked (or could handle, either).

    Michael had followed Roxy after the meeting, just to make sure the feline didn't do anything incredibly stupid like disappear for 12 hours straight again. "Deep breaths Roxy. Just breath. I know you're a little surprised, believe me I am too."

    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; font-family: times new roman; font-size: 50px; margin-bottom: -17px; letter-spacing: -2px; text-align: center; color: COLOR; text-transform: lowercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px black; margin-top: -15px;]roxy lalonde[/fancypost]


    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; width: 400px; color: COLOR; line-height: 100%; font-size: 12px; text-align: justify;]ic; "I- I.... holy shit, Jasper, I'm going fucking mental, call the crazy train, choo-choo motherfuckers, Roxy fuckin' Lalonde is your captain today on S.S. HELL. ...Wait, fuck, no, that's a boat, shit." She shook her head, fighting fiercely against the tremors that shuddered through her body. "Poppy. I need... or just... sit here? Fuck, don't leave. ...I fuckin' hate my head," she added softly, pressing her paws against her temple. As Michael approached, the newly dubbed leader uneasily smiled at him, more of a grimace than a grin. "It's... not that. I mean, shit, it is. But not really. I just- agh, fuck. It's probably just nothing."


    She could see how much they cared, god. That was physically painful. Flattering, yet at the same time, she wanted nothing to do with anyone. If she had one wish, Lalonde would spend it on wasting away in a haze of booze. Ryan would be disappointed... So would Mom.


    "My... um. My fortune fuckin' totem is coming true. It... it showed me yelling at myself. Like I'd lost it. Holy shit, I probably already have. Probably talking to myself alone in some shitstain desert for all I know," Roxy exclaimed, exasperated. "Point is, life fuckin' sucks."[/fancypost]
    [align=center][size=5pt]TEMPLATE ©BOKEH ;; #BOKEHFANCY[/size]

    [fancypost bordercolor=transparent; width: 400px][justify]He went to brush her paw away, the one pressing gingerly into her temple as if it was a remedy to her pains-- he knew better than to let her continue the habit of this, and of the poppy medication. A frown burrowed into his gaunt cheeks, dragging his thin lips down in an unsavory expression. It seemed to be too coincidental for her to always seek poppy in her frequent ailments and so, with a firm shake of his head, the herbalist murmured quietly, "No, no. I'm not.. feeding.. into this pattern." Another vigorous swivel of his head until he had convinced himself enough of the statement. No matter her response he had to be adamant in his beliefs, especially coming from someone who had dealt with (entirely different) addictions. Jasper knew lightly of her former (was it even former? He didn't dwell on that) alcohol carousel-ride and didn't want to contribute to another pattern.


    He looked to Michael for a moment, requesting, no, pleading for reassurance. Surely Jasper was making the right call here? His retreating amber visionaries, clouded and contemplative, returned to the Chief with an urgent uncertainty. But if not poppy, what? He couldn't leave off on that solemn note, no! With a hasty exhale, he continued to say, "You have me.. and Michael too. No poppy, alright? Headaches can go away, please trust me on this. Let me help you." His paw that he had previously used to brush away her own, by the temple, went to replace her motions: he aimed to lightly graze her face, comfort her if he could, but the stone feline didn't know affection awfully well.. He hoped this gesture would turn out to be what she needed, for else, he wasn't sure what to do next.

    [fancypost bgcolor= transparent; bordercolor=transparent; width: 470px; height: 30px; text-align: center; color: white; font-family: georgia; font-size: 20px; line-height: -40px;]Shut the fuck up, Gavin. You're the only one here who doesn't speak English![/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor= transparent; background:url(https://31.media.tumblr.com/ec…ulcqwMEV1rptyxfo5_250.gif); width: 469px; height: 260px; background-size: 100% 100%;][/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=white; bordercolor= white; margin-top: -273px; overflow: auto; width: 200px; height: 261px; margin-left: 300px; opacity: 0.40; color: red; font-family: georgia;]IC:
    Michael nodded in agreement, believing that Jasper had made the right call.
    [hr]

    OOC:


    [/fancypost][align=center][color=transparent]#RageQuitLife

    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; font-family: times new roman; font-size: 50px; margin-bottom: -17px; letter-spacing: -2px; text-align: center; color: COLOR; text-transform: lowercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px black; margin-top: -15px;]roxy lalonde[/fancypost]


    [fancypost bgcolor=; bordercolor=; borderwidth=0px; width: 400px; color: COLOR; line-height: 100%; font-size: 12px; text-align: justify;]ic; "It's not booze... fuck, okay, shit. If you think that's best," she answered quietly, defeated. "You're probs right, anyhow." Roxy stayed relatively still while her head was touched, narrowing her eyes a little bit from the pain. Eventually, she sat down and pressed a paw to her head, massaging it gently. Having Jasper lightly bump her temples helped more than this, but she wasn't going to ask him to do that. Roxy could already see it in her mind's eye: "Hey, just get on in there and fuckin' rub your face onto mine, holy shit YES." The thought made her grin a little.


    "Sooo... since we're gonna keep me company 'till I'm not so fucked anymore," the Chief exclaimed suddenly, "we're playing games! First off, I-Spy. Michael, go," she demanded, turning towards the battle master.[/fancypost]
    [align=center][size=5pt]TEMPLATE ©BOKEH ;; #BOKEHFANCY[/size]

    [fancypost bgcolor= transparent; bordercolor=transparent; width: 470px; height: 30px; text-align: center; color: white; font-family: georgia; font-size: 20px; line-height: -40px;]Shut the fuck up, Gavin. You're the only one here who doesn't speak English![/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor= transparent; background:url(https://31.media.tumblr.com/ec…ulcqwMEV1rptyxfo5_250.gif); width: 469px; height: 260px; background-size: 100% 100%;][/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=white; bordercolor= white; margin-top: -273px; overflow: auto; width: 200px; height: 261px; margin-left: 300px; opacity: 0.40; color: red; font-family: georgia;]IC: Michael looked up in surprise. He'd never seen Roxy be so.....Forceful. "Um, okay....I spy with my little eye something red."


    [hr]

    OOC:


    [/fancypost][align=center][color=transparent]#RageQuitLife