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[fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px solid white; width: 400px; color: white; font-family: georgia; text-align: justify; font-size: 9pt;]( tw for self harm thoughts// summary at the bottom )
"Hey...Cami, you love me right?"
...
"Of course I do. I'll never ever stop loving you."
...
"Promise me..."
He was so...grieved.
Ever since he had that fight with Memphisblues, he just couldn't get the look of anger out of his face. The way he was spoken to he had never heard the other like that before. Full of spite and hate. Cami's heart had ached so bad when the other yelled at him before. Camisado had no idea what he had even done, and yet...Memphis wouldn't even talk to him, and when he did all that came out of his mouth was an angry. It was just like before, it was all happening again. He couldnt go through it again, he couldn't do this again.
The small feline was curled up on his little island by the pond that Courtney had made for him. He covered his weary, glossy, red eyes with his paws as he sobbed gently. His body ached with each sniffle and whimper that escaped his mouth. Every time he moved his muscles would tremble and pain would shoot through his body. It had been a week ever since he had a good decent sleep. He stayed awake until he passed out, and when he left his barely conscious state, nightmares would come to him. They were of the reason why he first came to Blizzardclan, to escape his past. He had realized a little while ago that the past was still coming after him, it couldn't quite let him go yet, even though it wanted him to.
This whole thing...it was all his fault. The Memphis was angry because of him. Camisado must've hurt him somehow. He always managed to f.uck everything up, and he just never knew what he did wrong. He should just...leave. What if he hurt any of his other friends here? Camisado couldn't even bare the thought. But...he couldn't bare leaving Memphis. He didn't want to lose the other, and he wanted to be with the tiger. Even though...he doubted they would ever be the same as they were before. Camisado's chest tightened as he slowly lifted his head. Memphis...why...what was about memphis that Camisado felt different about than anyone else? He always felt different about Memphis, but...he couldn't see why.
The small feline suddenly froze as he saw a memory flashing in front of his eyes.
"Can't you do anything right!? You're such a f.ucking idiot!"
He remembered bruises and cuts all over his body, and he remembered being pinned down and yelled at. He remembered thinking he was going to die. He felt useless, he felt defeated, he felt like he was worth nothing, and he was right. He wasn't smart, he wasn't beautiful or had any great talents, he was weak emotionally and physically. He was just...worth nothing.
Camisado held back a scream as he forced his tear stained face back into his paws, his body shaking as he came back into reality. He couldn't do this. The numbness was unbearable. And the flashbacks he kept having in his dreams and just...in general were hurting him more than anything.
Camisado moved to wrap his mouth around his wrist, his teeth slightly digging into the skin. A voice was telling him to stop, he couldn't do this. This wasn't right. But another voice screamed at him louder, it was telling him to make himself bleed. It was telling him to feel something, anything.
Camisado nearly started to bite, and if he had started, he was pretty sure he would scrape the flesh on his wrists until they were completely off. But he didn't. He stayed still. Why was he doing this? Cause he was selfish? Cause he was a drama queen and had nothing better to do than beg for attention? Perhaps...but, the main thing he asked himself was why did he self harm all that time ago? What had driven him to doing that? Camisado took his mouth off of his wrist and gave a shaky sight, the pressure he put making small marks on his wrist.
He loved her. He loved her and he was heartbroken. He would never see her again, and it was all his fault.
Memphisblues was the same, and Cami ruined everything...
It that moment, his amber eyes continued to flow with tears and a paw covered his maw to hold back a sob.
He loved Memphis...and Camisado had f.ucked up.
( Word Count : 738 *i think XD*
Summary : After having multiple painful flashbacks of his past, Camisado almost ends up self harming himself. But he decided not to and now he's crying on his little island he's always on. )