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[fancypost borderwidth=0px; text-shadow: 0px 0px 5px black;]ETOILE[/fancypost]
[fancypost borderwidth=0px; text-align: justify;][color=black][font=times new roman]OOC: bear with me i had no plot prior to starting this RP i just NEED VETOILE ASDKJFDS ]]
The first spring shower had come. Water trickled down in uneven splotches from the ice-cold grey skies above, marking their territories of small, lopsided circles on the smoothed soil under-paw; grooves were birthed instantaneously upon their impact on the earth, and rivulets of rainwater streamed freely down light slopes, anthills, and tiny civilizations of gravel. The air was filled with the refreshing scent of petrichor; the breathing was easy, the listening was peaceful and comforting, and the thinking came harder, which was exactly what Etoile had prayed for the moment the rain came. The world was hard enough to survive on without a distraction these days, and the black feline did her best to ignore the pangs of guilt that sawed at her heart on the daily, but with the pitter-patter of raindrops on tree trunks around her and the chilly, continuous drumming of the water on her back, the former loner she-cat found it easier to live with her pain. Rain was a wonderful thing; it broke the silence and at the same time, created a numbing sensation that one could find only with the lack of sound.
Her shoulders still ached from the run of her life only a fortnight ago. Every day, they served to remind her of the stupid, stupid thing she had nearly gotten away with doing. Her eyes burned whenever her mind strayed towards that topic, so the dark huntress spent the majority of her days lurking around in the RadicalClan territory alone, trying and failing to bring her mind off Scout Vindicate. There was honestly not a second that went by when the former loner was longing to talk to the lynx Hitchhiker, but a part of her screamed mockingly, saying, She doesn't want you anymore; you've done enough to hurt her. Leave her alone! The other half of her brain pushed her towards the possibility that their love -- was it ever love? -- could be salvaged from the remains of a severed bond. A severed bond that Etoile had created. What the hell was wrong with her?! Not for the first time since she'd nearly run away from the Clan, the dark former rogue considered actually running away again. This time, she knew no one would try and stop her; they would let her go, knowing she wanted nothing to do with the clan anymore. After all, the Hitchhikers were the most liberal clan of cats -- and other creatures -- Etoile had ever known. There was nothing quite like them. Insignia was a fair, honest, loyal member of the clan, someone with a natural tendency to lead and who had a kind, open heart. Moirai, Styx, Flower, Ashka... they were all good-hearted and kind, the best kind of cats for the Hitchhikers. Loyal to the bone, possibly incapable of judging anyone or condemning fates to anyone. Why was Etoile here? She didn't belong with this bunch.
Her heart was aching so much it was a wonder that it didn't bruise her chest by now. Gods, what had she done? What had she been thinking, trying to run away from the one person who gave a fu[size=1px].[/size]ck about her? Could Vindicate ever, ever forgive her? Or was it too late for forgiveness? Did she deserve it? I had her... and now... Everything was ruined. She ruined it. All of it. All of the goddamned world. Vindicate had been... and still was... the only fu[size=1px].[/size]cking thing she even cared about, so why did she have to ruin it??
"I wish we had never met. I wouldn't have caused you all this pain if we had." Etoile spat at the ground, at the shallow tunnels of soil intertwining and overlapping in the damp mud. She kneaded the earth hatefully, wishing she could attack something, someone, even, to rid her anger once and for all. "I wish you had someone else so I could run away and never hurt you, ever, again."
Etoile dropped her head, squeezed her eyes shut, and cried. She cried and cried and cried, and let her tears mingle with the sweet rain, salt and sugar coming together, running through her fur, down her cheeks, into her mouth. She sobbed until there was nothing left to sob for. She wailed, she beat the earth, she threw herself on the terrain, and she burrowed her muzzle into the brown earth until she thought she'd fallen asleep from the grief, but Etoile knew nothing she did would ever mend the heart she'd broken, and that fact brought another flash of self-hatred into her chest, gnawed at her own broken heart, and settled into her, ready to kill her.
[ooc; omg bad wtf is this shite w/e
i just miss vetoileasdfa sdfasas]
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