your side and mine [birdcage, o]

Panting -- hard, fast. Thoughts racing past her. Dizzy. Yes, she felt dizzy.

Her blue-gray eyes flew open, her paws scrabbling for a hold on the dirt of the Oasis. "Just a dream," she breathed to herself. "A stupid, meaningless dream." Her unsheathed claws scraped the dirt as she sank them in. Spirits, you would think that whatever was out there would extend at least remnants of their blessing from leader to daughter, but apparently that was not so. Epiphany's breathing slowly slowed. The red faded from her vision, her heartbeat slowing easily. Thump, thump. Normal. She wanted normal.

Perhaps it was odd that she found the same corner to stew in. Ever since she had run away from Tamera and found Pippy, she always found herself more peaceful alone. Unfortunately, the cubs packed in the Oasis always seemed to find her. Paladin, Pyro, Avanti -- oh, they annoyed her so. Especially Avanti. She hadn't been kidding about her death threat for him, and he had been even worse since then. It was all rather morbid for an eight moon old teenager of their empire, but she had never been normal. Eccentric. Insane. Yes, those were the words. I wonder what the spirits make of me.

Epiphany's rainy gaze pierced the darkness as she huddled against the comfortable walls, trying to ward off anybody who approached with her warning glare. She wanted comfort, but that was unlikely to come. She couldn't fall back asleep, for fear of more nightmares (panting and terror and pain and nausea). Wakefulness held no excitement for the serval. The black cat sighed, eyes closing momentarily. She wanted to meet the normal members of the tribe so freaking badly.

Breathing -- smooth, slow. Languid movements, ruminations. Frustration. So much frustration.

Needing company and she managed to snag the cat that annoyed her almost as much as Avanti? What luck. Epiphany turned slowly, her blue-gray eyes glimmering slightly. "Hello Angus," she mewed quietly, nodding to him curtly. Perhaps he would like her more if he felt guilty. She wasn't going to allow him the satisfaction of responding abrasively to his degrading comments. "What brings you here?" Her tone was polite and shy, as usual.

Angus looked remarkably like her, sharing the ebony pelt and serval build. The only differences between the two of them were their sizes and their eye colors. It was rather unnerving, disliking someone that was almost identical to her. She could almost imagine herself as an adult, looking like him. It was so odd -- she could spite Elixor all she wanted because he had his white paw and his differences, but hating her uncle seemed like hating herself. It was like the inverse of narcissism. Hating yourself. It was awkward, to say the least.

"I wouldn't recommend this place as a way to alleviate boredom," Epiphany said blandly. "It seems to bring out the worse of cats. I say that from experience." She wrenched her gaze away from Angus before she could do something stupid, like cry. Experience, experience -- it was all she had in this place. Her position was jeopardized because of her numerous difficulties. Her personality subject to change in accordance with Pippy's whims. Her perception ever changing with age and others' influence.

"I came here for some peace and quiet. Unfortunately, this place is chock-full of cats who like bumping into me." She was starting to wonder if any place in the Oasis was completely private. It was probably reserved for Elxior and his favorites.

"Are you kidding?" Epiphany asked harshly, turning to face Angus once more. "There are supposed to be rainbows and butterflies here? Like we can see anything besides dirt and lakes and crystal." The oasis had never been a safe haven for her; at first it was the impression that she was alone, then Avanti with all his cockiness, and Elixor with his reformations and odd temperaments. It was a beautiful place. Perhaps she shouldn't stay here -- everybody could be happy without her.

She weighed his next question carefully, a funny look coming over her face. Tell him the truth, Pippy urged, so she did. "I... came here a long time ago," she said quietly. "Guess that's when I first actually talked to Paladin. And Avanti, too." Her tone turned sour; she didn't want to bring up her violent outburst and hysteria. "You?" she asked, hoping to turn the tables on him. She didn't like talking about herself.

"Elixor," she sighed, turning away. Did it always come down to her father? Powerful and clever he was, yes, but there were innumerable offenses she wished to condemn him for. "Was Elixor... different when he was younger?" Epiphany asked, swallowing hard. Had she judged him too quickly, too harshly? Perhaps uncertainty was mistaken for apathy, silence for coldness. The other cubs seemed to like Elixor enough; perhaps it was unfair to only dig for the bad things.

Pippy, Pippy, what am I to do? she asked silently, her gaze low. She felt so much like a little kit all over again, unsure of moral decisions and drunk with the new power she found. How ironic, she thought, that the first she turned against was her own flesh and blood. Why not the other ladies, who she had no relation to and no knowledge of? At first it seemed so much like a harem; as time progressed she felt more and more unsure of herself.

Was this what the insane were tortured with? she wondered dryly. She felt the indecisiveness with such acuteness.

ooc: I'm so sorry for not replying! o.o You should have yelled at me. :3

ooc oh, it's fine. i've been busy lately, so it doesn't matter. <3

ic

[font=georgia]"He's loose now," Epiphany mewed dryly, reminded of how he decided to talk when she had lost it. Like that worked. "I guess," she admitted grudgingly, shifting her weight from paw to paw awkwardly. "But it's more than that, because I know he spends time with Avanti, too. And Avanti gloats all about it and ugh." It was stupid trying to talk it out. But hell, maybe it would work.

Would it? Would it get better when everything calmed down and Elixor learned how to be a father? She doubted it; somehow, their leader seemed like one to hold grudges. Epiphany hadn't been patient when Elixor grew accustomed to fathering -- she doubted he'd be willing to work with her to help her get better. She was already off the deep end, with prices to pay either way. Either way, she knew nothing could be completely mended. You've cracked, Pippy told her. You've cracked and everybody will always know it.

"I suppose so," she said at length, unable to meet Angus's gaze. "But it doesn't real work that way, y'know. Just ask Avanti." She hated him and he hated her. There was no way they'd ever make up. Maybe it was like that for Elixor, too.

[font=georgia]"You have a mate," Epiphany mewed distantly, suddenly. She had scented Elizabeth a good while ago -- a foreign smell mingling with her uncle's. "Are you going to be a father soon?" Oh, parents; she hoped that Angus truly loved his mate. Perhaps his children wouldn't turn out to be a gaggle of messes, like Elixor's. Just thinking about their collection of oddities in the Oasis made her whiskers twitch slightly.

Pah, formalities, Pippy thought irritably. You better not get involved with this marriage nonsense, Epiphany. It sounds like a terrible bore. And Epiphany had to agree -- whoever found excitement in having a cat stand near him and talk about how they would be together for eternity? It was unlikely that would even happen, seeing how males were allowed to cheat on her mate. "Elizabeth," she mewed thoughtfully, as if tasting the word. "That's a nice name." An odd name, an anomaly -- what was an elizabeth? She herself was named after manifestation; Scar for a battle wound, and Paladin for- well, whatever paladins were, but she was sure it had to be something. Elizabeth... it was so complex. It figured, actually; Elizabeth seemed just the name for an avid enthusiast of these newfangled 'traditions'.

"What even happens during a marriage anyway?" Epiphany mumbled distractedly, unable to meet Angus's gaze. "Is it something spiritual, or is it just a bunch of words? What's the point?" Personally, it just seemed like a morale-booster, an elaborately pretty facade. Everybody loved each other. Couples were faithful to each other. Cubs were lovingly listened to and paid attention to.

Ha.