ᶰᵒ ʷᵉ'ʳᵉ ᶰᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵍᵒᶰᶰᵃ ᵗᵘʳᶰ ᵗᵒ ᵈᵘˢᵗ // ᵖʳᶦᵛᵃᵗᵉ // ᵃᶫᶫ ʷᵉ ʳᵉᵃᶫᶫʸ ᶰᵉᵉᵈ ᶦˢ ᵘˢ

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]I watched them as they finished up the touches of the "Welcome Home Luke!" banner, a little out of proportion, but it'd do. It shouldn't matter, since Hemmings was apart of the family, no one too big. Well, yeah he was in a band, but we all knew him well enough to know he wouldn't be paying too much attention to the "welcome home luke" sign that was reused multiple times in his coming home. This time he was coming home for the holidays: it was two days before Christmas Eve, and I often thought of what I'd get him. There wasn't much in my budget, since I was only fifteen years old and could not get a job. My mom, also, would not let me barely get a present for Blake, my best friend. [I]Money doesn't grow on trees, Alice. She'd often say before she hesitantly give me $5. This would often end me up with a simple plastic ring to give to my best friend. Though she thanked me, I always knew I could do better, but she didn't complain.

I guess it didn't really matter what Luke got, he was eighteen in one of the most famous bands in the whole world. I'd never imagined the boy who exposed me to Nirvana and The Rolling Stones, changing most of my wardrobe to jeans and oversized band merch sweatshirts and t-shirts would end up being a legend himself one day, with girls who loved him, who supported him. Not just girls, but boys as well. With people not only he, but also his band members happened to save by possible seeing them, listening to them. I couldn't blame them. I knew I fell in love every moment of the day I heard his voice ringing in my ears. And boy, did he give the best hugs in the world. He smelt often of the clone he wore (and I never liked clone, but he took a brand i'd never smelled until the day I was locked in his embrace). His smell only left me wandering what he tasted like: yes, because I was attracted to my best friend's brother. Those lips, they probably tasted as good as this hot chocolate that I know drunk from a mug as Blake steadily brought herself down from the banner, with a small content sigh. "Is this even necessary anymore?" She looked over at me and smiled and I gave an amused smile in return. No, it wasn't necessary, but since Mace, the little brother of the family, grown quite used to the banner of his brother's returning, he made sure it was in fact so.

There was another thing necessary that I had suddenly realized that made me perk up. I'd spent the night at the Mason's house the night before Luke's returning but not without thinking up what was totally necessary on bringing: that record. Of course, that record. His favorite record. I sat up, walking upstairs towards Blake's room, roaming through my small pink duffel bag until I came across the record, in my hands. I didn't exactly have anything I could give him, of course, but maybe a trip down memory lane would be enough to show how much he meant to me and well, how thankful I was.

When I came downstairs the door was opened, exposing the frosted winter air. It only took a yip of "Luke!" for me to perk up and almost drop that record that I had in my hand. I held on tightly, though, not bothering to even put on my jacket, but simply my shoes before walking outside. The winter bit at me roughly as soon as I walked out but I didn't care, in fact because he was here, Luke was here and he was much more beautiful than ever. Mace was just leaving his embrace and then I was the next one, bracing myself, stepping closer, each one pumping up my adrenaline until my arms were wrapped around him and I was breathing in his familiar scent. "Luke," I breathed.

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]Whatever cold that'd been biting roughly in my skin -- the cold that might have been almost nothing to some folks that were used to weather like this but since I lived in Australia -- I wasn't used to so much weather. Luke made me forget about that, though. He brought this unending heat into my hands, and knees, and maybe even heat into my cheeks, that course throughout the rest of my bones, placed butterflies I'd often forget, into my stomach. And everything more that might have been described as love. Maybe I shouldn't know what love is -- maybe I was "too young" as some people might say, but I think it's just something much more natural than what people think. You don't have to read or get it checked out to see if you're in love. It's kind of something like pain -- you just seem to know. And trust me, it's the most amazing feeling in the world. And though he was not mine, maybe his heart was to someone else's, or perhaps just what he does, whatever it was, just knowing he hadn't forgotten about me made me content enough. Well, at least that's what I often told myself.

His arms were wrapped around me as tightly as he was for me, and his face was buried into my neck as mine was buried into his chest. Anyone could tell that this was longer than most hugs. That it wasn't normal. But we were used to the long embracing and honestly, I could tell you, I could stay in his arms a familiar lifetime, take in his smell a million more times, if there wasn't so much other things I knew I could do with him (if he were mine, of course). If I knew how his lips often tasted and if I didn't know that he had to go -- if he didn't have to go, at least. If there were just me and him, I honestly wouldn't let him go. I could be content in those arms that were Luke Hemmings.

His familiar voice rung in my ears and I took the time to pull away so, not only could I answer him, but so I could look him over. Though it hadn't been too long since I've saw him, he looked much more different, much more attractive, much more hotter than before that I don't think my adrenaline could overheat me as much more than it already did. His eyes seemed more vivid than they were, much more outlined that maybe, I'd want to get my notepad and a pencil and take my time to draw them out, maybe even his whole face for that matter and just everything enough him was enough to set my bones into a wildfire that then I realized I was forgetting to speak.

I was able to find my sense of wording after my mouth gaped slightly. Unwrapping my arms from around him and hurryingly putting the record behind my back, hoping since I was so small, that he wouldn't be able to see it, though it was completely obvious. "hey there, lucas." I said casually. Though it was not his name and his name was simply luke, a quick trip down memory lane to when I was six and he was nine would reveal my reasoning to me calling him that. my outgoing attitude now was sparking to life, which I was deeply grateful for. I didn't want a little distance to change my comfort level around him, though I would always be nervous. "you look pretty great..." my voice trailed off and when I heard a sudden prompting "oohing" I turned to see mace, watching us and I felt my cheeks beginning to heat up though I looked over at him, smirking. "ooooh." I repeated and laughed, beginning again. "anyway," I said pulling the record from behind my back. "Merry Early Christmas! I don't know if you remembered, but you gave this to me and yeah, a small trip down memory lane." I glanced down at the record, smiling slightly, ignoring Blake's small mumble of "oh boy" until she spoke up. "we should probably get inside. Don't want you getting sick on your first day here, Luke." She got one of his bags, heading inside.

I looked from the two to Luke, smiling slightly. "There's [I]coca" I said, in an almost singsong voice before grabbing his free hand, walking inside, closing the door behind him before luke was greeted by a hug from his mom and hesitantly, I let go of his hand, watching them with a smile, walking over to retrieve my coca.

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]You could also tell, about luke, that even though he was like any other guy with the temptation to prank, being incredibly attractive to girls (boy hormones, what a b*tch), and having the ultimate love of video games (and curse words were just apart of his everyday vocabulary), he was also very polite. He knew when to [I]simmer down and when to say his "please's" and "thank you's" and mostly, when he was around his mum, he would clean up a mess that was never even his that me, mace, or Blake would forget to clean up. He was sort of charming. He could get anyone's mother excited if their beautiful girl was dating him. Not only did he have the seemingly perfect personality, but he was also very talented and what else could a girl want? I often feared that eventually he'd end up with a girl that wasn't me. that he'd love a girl so dearly in the way I loved him. that he'd kick me to the side and forget about me. that all he saw me was in a way he saw blake, as a little sister. That the small flirting between us was nothing but a joke that he thought I was just doing and that he was going along with even though in reality, it was the only way I was motivated to fantasize about there somehow being an us even though it was unlikely either way.

he'd said he wanted to return the record to me after we listened to it. he said he'd return it before he left. I already deeply hate the thought of him being gone though I quickly was able to push the thought aside before I overthought it. What mattered was he's here now and he'd be here for a couple of weeks. I was still having to learn to just live in the moment when he was here, even though I was most likely to think ahead. Oh, how luke hemmings was my weakness. The only person who could affect me as much as rain on pavement, beauty within the quiet streets, or my mom with her occasional alcoholism or the strong smell of nicotine within my whole house, that I couldn't even get ceral in the mornings without that smell lingering throughout the cabinets that drove me away from my own home where the hemmings would have a plate waiting for me without any questions asked.

And you could tell he was always a mama's boy and perhaps, she loved her boy a lot. he was the kind of boy that any mum would be able to be glad to call their son. Beyond the manners that he showed outside of society, his humorous charm, and the fact that he looked good, he could sing and play that guitar like nobody's business, which only made him more attractive, right off the charts, than he had ever started. I could never find a guy that was better in comparison to luke robert hemmings, or in my case, lucas rocknroll hemmo. since I could never really flirt with on him, teasing him was always my next best thing, though maybe it made it even more obvious.

Sipping at my coca as listening to Luke's words, I smiled. "Oh, but my middle name is trouble, Lucas." I said, raising an eyebrow. Walking up to him, I reached up with one hand, pulling the snapback from his head and putting it on mine, backwards, like he did, much more lightly to where it looked like it could fall off. I secured it and smiled. "You look good in it but I look better." Sipping my coca, I turned away walking towards the kitchen. "Mace made pancakes, Rocky, and I'm sure you're hungry!" I called, the nickname, again, directed towards Luke, taking a seat on the kitchen chair, receiving a small stare from blake. "Mace and Blake" she corrected in her cute defensive tone. "Blake and Mace. Better?" I said with a smile. She smiled back, rolling her eyes.

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]My head turns back to see Luke enter the kitchen, looking over at blake with a small, well, sort of unintentional smirk. She rolled her eyes shaking her head with a heavy sigh. "oh boy." she murmured, only to protest about how she, in fact, helped mace make pancakes because he was too young to make them by himself and went into detail about how the only thing that the poor little five year old did, was flip them and even then he almost messed that up. When she figured no one was listening to her, she simply let it go, mumbling quietly and picking at her pancakes. "you're cute." I said, scrunching up my nose. "that's no excuse onto why you can wear luke's snapbacks and I cant." she said and we met eyes, and I swear her eyes are knowing. I swear that she knew something perhaps I didn't or perhaps I did. I hoped she knew I at least liked luke. (even though I knew I was way past that) but beyond having a simple crush, I was sure was out of the question for her, a girl who had schoolgirl crushes on the boy, jared, at our school. i'm sure beyond the genuine love she had for me, for her family, she didn't know how love felt and perhaps, it was better that way. "he knows that if I wasn't an exception, i'd beat him up." I said simply that receives a disbelieving chuckle from her in return, knowing that that might not have been the case. ah, typical sibling rivalry in the home, just like old times, how good it felt for me to be back into the environment. This trio was never a trio without luke. If luke wasn't around, blake would agree.

Our conversation is dismissed when Mace climbs in a seat next to me, which I smile at, though, i'd rather have luke sit next to me, mace was the next best option. Taken by surprise, Luke sets his plate in front of the seat where Mace placed himself. I watched the two, as Mace offered to just sit next to him instead of me, that I almost laugh at, biting my lip. Luke's nose wrinkles, of course cutely, and to solve the case, sealing the deal to that he was going to sit there, he picked up Mace with a comment on how I smelled better, and sat Mace on the other seat, sitting down beside me and giving me a triumphant grin. I laugh. "you're ridiculous." I teased him slightly. "and I happen to like ridiculousness, even though you just moved the boy who obviously has a crush on me." I leaned over to look at Mace who instantly spat on in distaste to my words. "ew no! you got the wrong person! that's just [I]weird" He stuck out his tongue and I laughed, already knowing that he didn't. At times he got upset with me because I stole his sister's attention from me for God's sake, I knew that he didn't have a crush on me. But he did have a serious crush on the girl next door, Ellie, who he spent his birthday money on. Which proved that this generation was way past coodies. Or maybe it was just Mace. But my thoughts were stuck on the fact that he said I had the wrong person.

My eyes slid quickly towards luke. I think that he at least took a bit liking in me, like the small interests that you had in a person but never had a true crush on or liked, or maybe he just flirted with me for the hell of it, but I doubted an eighteen year old would flirt with a fifteen year old without having an little bit of interest in them. But then again, you never knew, even I could tell boys were extremely hard to figure out with what they said and did. You could never tell their true feelings of saying something unless they genuinely are saying it.

I took too long to reply and it was just too awkward of a situation. So I quickly dismissed it before anyone asked questions, or Mace added on. "alright." I said simply, biting on my cheek for a moment before saying, "Go get me some pancakes, scamp." and Mace looked at me, as if I was insane, eyes wide. "that's no way to ask, woman." But slid off the seat and over towards the table, gathering two pancakes and handing them over to me and I gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you." He nodded. "That's more like it, but a surprise coming from you so I'm kind of honored." He paused. "And he's right, you do smell good." He walked away, retrieving his seat and I looked over at blake with a questioning smirk before eating at my pancakes, my eyes slipping over towards luke again because well, since he was here, I couldn't help it. "If you also sat by me because you are gonna try and get your hat back," I said. "you're wrong."

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]I began to eat at my own pancakes, weirdly enough, plain. I didn't really become a picky eater with my pancakes, even though I did prefer syrup on them, I was too lost in my own thoughts to go into fancy detail with dressing up my pancakes, or that's how I said it. when I got fancy and dressed them up, it usually accustomed not only syrup, but strawberries for eyes, and whipped cream for a smile, which happened to mace, blake's and I's late night snack when we decided to have our "ultimate slumber parties" which took a lot more effort than it seemed on movies because it included a lot of junk food and movies we've never seen. make up (that I tried to avoid unless it was eyeliner, lip gloss, or black nail polish and of course mace avoided it all together) and up all nighters. (we only made it to about 4 pm) and sometimes we had dance parties that only lasted 10 minutes. It only made me think, as I ate my pancakes, and simply chuckled and the memory that luke mentioned about me almost cracking his head reaching for his hat, that I realized luke had missed so much and perhaps one of those late night slumber parties is something we needed to have before he left us once again. sure, he was traveling the world and selling out arenas, living his dream, but he was missing out entirely on the one we built up as kids.

Once I snapped back into reality and my pancakes were gone, I blinked, looking up at blake. "told you I was dangerous." I said with a smile. I hadn't been sure how wrapped up in my thoughts I'd been and how much time passed but she said nothing, only rolled her eyes, looking down at her iPhone that was her next best attire. She'd marry that thing if she could and I couldn't even afford a smart phone, sadly. so instead, I ended up with a flip phone. [I]until the hemmings family was nice enough to get me one. but even then I hardly used it.

My attention was snagged from blake when i heard luke's voice, looking up at him and meeting his eyes as he not, exactly asked, but suggested, i guess, for us to go upstairs and listen to the record in which i often listened to still. in fact, just yesterday but i wouldn't let him know that. he'd find out when i quietly murmured every word, hummed every melodic part, and such. It just kept me closer to luke and made me feel some kind of security not many could place over me. the hemmings family themselves, my best friend, they were my rock. but hemmings, no matter how crazy, i still may have seemed. he was my home, my sanity.

i glanced at blake but she was no longer interested in the world around her and i looked back at luke, nodding. "okay." i murmured, getting up and walked over towards the sing, dumping my dish in there, letting water quickly run over it before turning and walking towards him grabbing his hand, beginning to head upstairs only to be interrupted by a voice, or mace's voice "can i come?"
"maybe later, scamp. instead, attend to your sister, she kind of looks like she lost the center of reality." i enhanced my words, looking over at blake, seeing if she noticed that but she didn't, was still caught in her phone and i sighed with relief when he agreed to the simple task, giving me a small salute. oh, what an adore child the hemmings have brought into the world. besides, luke of course, and perhaps blake.

i let go of his hand, not quite until we reached his room, the familiar scent ranging in, but it seemed too distant from the last time he's been here, still the same from when he packed up and left. sometimes, though. when i couldn't get comfortable because blake was moving around too much in her bed, her mom would mention luke's bedroom to me and though i hesitated at first, i began to make it my automatic priority because even though it was distant, it still smelled like him and pictures aligned the walls from when he was still here and i'd replay that record a million times not outloud, but in my mind until i was lulled to sleep but that imaginary record in my mind and the smell of him, imagining as if he was beside me. oh imagination, it was quite something. "i sleep in your room sometimes," i said not sure why i was telling him. "when blake moves around way too much and your mom worries about me sleeping on the couch." I look at him, wondering what his reaction might be as I pick up the record player and sit it on his bed as well as I sit myself, tucking on of my legs beneath me, and letting it hang off the side of the bed with another. "i'm just wondering, before we get this started, do you ever wish you could leave you fame behind you and just go home? do you just ever miss your family so much to where it's incredibly painful? do you ever miss..." i paused, sighing, deciding to end it here, wondering why i was so curious and being so open all of a sudden, but ah, oh well. i wanted to know.

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]I listened to his answer, and it almost seemed like something off an interview but instead, more passionate and honesty because I guess, I was one of those people who cared about, or so he claimed. there was never a doubt in my mind that luke didn't care about me, I always knew he did, just perhaps not in the loving way I want to, though it popped question marks in my mind when he said. "and you so much that sometimes it hurts...." and perhaps I forgot to put two and two together. because before me, he added the name of his family members, family members that weren't me and maybe it was selfish to just perhaps want him to enhance my name into greater detail, tell something corny, yet poetic about how every time he saw a sky full of stars and a sky full of brighter fantasies it reminded him of me: dark, dangerous when I wanted to be, yet in the darkest times, I could be the light of the problems. Or like the ocean deep and blue is when he thoughts of me, how my eyes were the most sadistic piece of art and every time he looks into them, he is maybe almost in trance and put at ease by the oceanic crashes of my voice, how I can lull him to sleep by just a song. (I sung a couple of times for the hemmigs.) and well, I can say he did just the same. but I wasn't sure if he was as poetic as I was, to even think of eyes as an ocean, my lips like a rainstorm, my mind like a hurricane: [I]crazy yet impulsive. and yet sometimes, I cant believe I even came up with these things myself.

I slipped the record from his hand, not looking at it, but his eyes as I did, feeling it in my grip and now removing my eyes to look at the record, running my thumb across it. "Honestly, I'd do anything to have those fans look at you the way they do." I started. "you've helped hearts, saved lives, probably hooked up a million times. so now I know that you actually are going to lose your virginity before eighteen. I owe you a latte or something. Good thing I've been building up those savings." I slipped the record from it's hold and put it on the record player, setting it up to where the disk began to spin in rhythmic circles as the first song came on. "Now it's my turn, I guess. But I'm in no rush..." I shrugged. I was open with talking about a lot of subjects, including sex. It was natural apart of life and since me and luke were friends and well, I was just downright reckless, it wasn't weird at all.

But I don't say anymore. I simply listen to the music and began to hum the song in a light tone, my eyes following the disk and every once in awhile, I'd look up at luke, in the most of innocent phase. I wanted to know what he was thinking. of my words, of my personality. was I too straight-forward? getting into too much detail for him now that he was no longer a virgin. yes, it was kind of a random detail to bring up, but it was also a bet I made a long time ago when I used to tease him and well, when I used to think of us losing that kind of thing to each other. when I used to think being in love was being in lust which at one time, when hormones were kicking in, that's all I felt for hemmings but later on I learned there was a complete difference and though it would have been nice for such a thing to happen, I honestly was in no rush now that those horrible hormones passed me over.

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]at his words, I smirk, laughing slightly at them at how offensive he had gotten over the fact that I said he probably had sex about a [I]million times. "i can count all the people i've had sex with on one hand, thank you very much. and yes, i would like a latte." Though his voice was playful, the fact that his eyes widened before he said it made me giggle. There had to be some offense to it and though it might have been a bad thing to offend their crush with some girls: for me, it was hilarious. Luke wouldn't simply get mad over me, he was more laid-back, not that kind of person and we've known each other long enough for him to know... briefly when i'm joking or not joking, since I was honestly overall a mysterious person. Not only was I comfortable joking around with Luke (though maybe I would have thought he had sex about a few times over the 10 fingers, I mean, look at him) but I thought it was pretty damn cute when he got defensive.

At his answer to me losing my virginity, I am surprised at how quick he is to shake his head and tell me not to, that i shouldn't have sex with anyone i don't care about and that I should have someone take it who matters to me. "and i really regret it." he ended with that and I stare at him for a moment, looking down at our record that was playing the song and without thinking, bluntly replied, "Yeah probably because the girl kisses and tells. Or in that case, rides and tells." I paused. His reply sounded like something your parents would tell you if you were an accident, which I kind of was, but even my mom never said that (probably because she actually cared about him) "If I was famous, I'd regret it, too" Maybe I should learn to shut my mouth but I honestly had no boundaries over it whatsoever so I didn't bother taking it back. "so lets just say you don't care abot those girls, you basically did not lose your virginity in the 'hey i'm in love' but 'hey you're attractive and i'm horny' kind of way." I said and when I spoke those words, I said them in a voice that was not totally sounding like Luke's and though it was kind of funny, I kept my words serious. "so you haven't won, and I get to keep my savings and when you really "lose"" I air quoted the words "your virginity to someone you genuinely care about is when you get your latte." Reaching over the record player, I held out my hand towards him. "Deal?"

~

The deal, the day spent with Luke, Mace, and Blake was still caught in my mind, and it was almost like old times, plus Blake, watching TV, getting competitive on video games, me drawing crappy stick figures though I knew I could do way better, just I never took art into consideration because it was never really my passion. I still thought of Luke, too. And the deal, I even fell asleep a few 10 minutes after Blake had, to her light rhythmic breathing, wondering who put starlights in his eyes, made those oceanic blue of eyes crash in waves until he was pulling them in like a tide like he did me. I wouldn't be surprised if anyone Luke fell in love with loved him back: I'd just been wishing if it just had been me. Though I still fell asleep, warmly, and happily, not letting disappointment get the best of me such as Blake usually did and instead reminisced of the happy days of last night that slowly drained into today.

Today came by pretty fast and I very much disliked the way I was waken up. Banging of pans that made me cover my ears and when I opened my eyes, mumbling for Mace to stop when he grabbed a pillow that hit me with force, I instead opened my eyes to a smiling Blake, her eyes bright with excitement. "licenses day! today is the day I get my licenses!" she shrieked and I sat up, moaning, moaning even louder when mace screamed "woke up luke!" while he galloped past the door and I heard bumping down the stairs. I looked around. "what time is it?" I asked. "9:30" she chirped. My eyes widened. "9:30?! Is this necessary!" I asked, running my hands through my messy bedset of pastel curls, slowly throwing my legs off the side of the bed. "Yes it most certainly is, young lady! Get up get up get up!" She beat the pans again and I resisted the urge to take one and knock her out. Sure, she was my best friend... I'd be doing it out of love.

When she left the room, I got dressed in black high-waisted shorts and a white button down, simply brushing my hair out. If I had enough time, which I believed I did not, I would have straightened it, but instead I stuck with the naturalness of it. I applied wing mascara and lip gloss and usually I did not get this... simple and girly but I mean, Luke was here and it was a good day so why not? I slipped on my converses, and walked downstairs, seeing that Blake and Luke was downstairs. When me and Luke met eyes, I smirked and rolled my eyes. "oh boy..." I heard Blake mumble, watching us. "Time to go people lets go!" She yelled. "Wait... no lunch?" I asked. "luke can get you food at the café stop complaining." And I did exactly that, instead, calling shotgun and racing outside the front door while Blake ran after me and luckily, with my headstart, I made it first and got in the car, actually thankful for the usual Australian weather.

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[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]Blake is mumbling about what a friend I am, choosing to sit with her brother instead of her, though I knew she was joking because she smiled wryly when I looked back at her. "I knew that you'd put on some crappy music if you called shotgun." I teased her, though I was most definitely serious on her music taste. Well, not really. She liked things I like, even her brother's band, including Blink and Nirvana. Also the more modern music that everyone listened to such as Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift. But the most modern and most crappiest fan she was of (of his music only) she would say but that [I]definitely did not explain the posters was the horrible popstar, or whatever the hell they called him, Justin Bieber. "He's not crappy, and I wasn't gonna turn him on anyway." she said, pouting and I shrugged. "Okay good. We all like the same things anyway." I winked at her and she shook her head, as if annoyed, but I knew she wasn't and got out her phone, getting lost in that, probably texting about how extremely excited she

When we began backing out of the driveway, I hit the radio button, turning up the music and most cliché enough, She Looks So Perfect, which was not a surprising song to come out on the radio. Blake usually got annoyed because of how many times it came on but I never did. I liked the sound of Luke's voice, the beat of the song, the electrifying feeling to move it gave me and though one might be usually embarrassed to do stupid things with a boy they liked, such as dancing around in the car moving their head from side to side, singing, smiling, laughing, enjoying themselves, I did just that. Singing (out loud actually) moving around and using my legs as drums and my hands as sticks, playing an imaginary drum set as we headed down the road. Beeping caught my attention and I turned to see my friend, her iPhone pointed at me and I raised an eyebrow. "You didn't ju-" It beeped again and she lowered her phone looking down at it "Best... friend... acting... like... an... insane... person." she mumbled and I rolled my eyes, looking over at luke, which I noticed he had another snapback on but I'd save him the pain of me stealing snapbacks... at least for now I would.

I quit all the craziness of dancing, but still turned up the radio, relaxing back in the seats, looking ahead before looking at luke. "I never asked you," I said, head tilting slightly. "How does it feel to hear your songs on the radio?" I mean, if I heard myself on the radio I'd feel almost every emotion at once, especially anxiety. But luke, he's been in the business awhile. Perhaps he got happy to know someone would still request it, to be reminded he has so many supporters, such as he deserves. Or perhaps he would get as anxious as I would imagine me having my song on the radio, wondering what other people thought. I would think of Luke as someone like that, wanting to be good enough. But honestly, he already was. For me, for a lot of people actually, so a fifteen year old girl liking him was really no surprise. But he meant much more to me than anyone could imagine but then again, there were other girls, pretty even, out there who could prove they were as great as I am and though it was hard to accept it was also true. And though I feared some kind of rejection, I wanted to tell him, like I wanted to many times before when he visited, how I felt, just to get it off my chest. So if I was rejected, at least I had that feeling off my chest. At least I knew. At least I could mourn later then, and learn to accept it, perhaps move on, though now I was so deeply in love, I haven't a clue if I could do such a thing. That sounded worse than not telling him at all, because I would imagine things as awkward but what about this anxiety that I get every time I expect him to just lean in and kiss me? The thoughts of those sweet lips against my own, never pulling away. I thought about the deal. What would it feel like, perhaps, to lose my virginity to Luke Hemmings? Amazing, perhaps, and lately, my hormones have been everywhere, because I was fifteen, and it was kind of like that.

It was amazing, how my mind was rushing over one person, over this boy, 1000 miles a second that it felt like so much more that I didn't even know I was digging my nails into my palms, a normal reaction I had when I wanted to stop doing something. I wanted to stop thinking, right now, so deepl of this boy. It was okay now but right now, when I thought things both good yet so sad, so beautifully sad, it wasn't good. Because ever since my dad left, I learned not to expect so much. "you expect something, you get disappointed." that was the motto I lived off of but yet I expected so much for an eighteen year old boy, who probably saw me nothing but a sister, to love me as much as I loved him, and so I really couldn't make sense of myself then and there. I was usually simple and reckless, straightforward. But when it came to this boy, things were completely different.

// change of gifs from boredom

[fancypost bgcolor=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth:0px; width:350px;][align=left]
[justify][color=white][size=9px][font=arial]// *sings taylor swift*
so it goes.
he cant keep his wild eyes on the road
smooth luke xD

I was watching Luke because well, I couldn't help it, biting my lip as I continued to lightly drum my fingers on my pale bare legs to the music but as I did so, I watched him even before he explained his feelings about how he felt about the radio. When he did, I was able to focus all my attention on him because well, I was already watching him which, as creepy as it sounds, I couldn't help it. My mind was kind of already lost in the thought of this beautiful boy in which I fell in love with him, which was as much of a good feeling, an unexplainable one and well, he was so beautiful, so freaking attractive I couldn't help it and that way he explained how "weird" it was "but a good kind of weird" had me shaking my head, smiling slightly, though I found it honestly it really adorable. Luke Hemmings, the never so serious boy, but he didn't have to be because I was already so in love with him that any of his flaws, as to not talk like "a celebrity" would paid no mind to me and again, I didn't need that. I needed an honest answer, not one that firstly came to his mind. I needed Luke to open up to me. I needed him to know it was okay and as much as I needed that, I needed him to love me. Alison Evans, yes me, I could be rewarded for the ridiculousness award, I knew it, though I could not seem to rid my thoughts of the boy I kept staring at and just honestly looking at him, [I]hurt. Not completely, overwhelmingly, to where I could push it to the back of my mind but I knew it was just there and here he was, right here beside me. that boy that I saw looking at me from time to time that when I decided to look over for the first time, I noticed that he missed a red light by only a few seconds, which received a sassy remark from me, but I was smiling. "You should keep your eyes on the road, Lucas." At that moment, I wished we had one of those auto cars so he didn't have to drive and perhaps I could know if he wasn't just looking at me absentmindedly or if he had other things on his mind, something similar to my own.

"Hm, think he has more interesting things to look at that seems to be right beside him." I heard Blake, listening as she dragged out her last words in a hinting tone and when I lifted my eyes, I noticed that she was looking at me. I kind of guessed that it was me though for some reason, I wanted to push the thought away. Perhaps because I didn't want to hope that it was me that Luke had been looking at for reasons of attraction, of interest. He was looking at me because he wasn't really thinking or expecting me to give some kind of comment, or something, not because he was attracted to me. It's not that I wanted it because more than anything I did and that was the thing. I didn't want to make some kind false thoughts on him just because that's what I thought. I didn't want to be disappointed but still, the comment made me look away from them both completely and instead towards the window, heat rising into my cheeks that I couldn't even bother to hide but hoped nobody noticed. I was able to get a good view of Luke though, in the class, watching him drive, seeing his glances at me and though those thoughts wanted to rise, the ones i'd hoped, I was able to convince myself that these glances were nothing until we finally arrived at the building.

"Be good guys. I'll be done around half an hour. Promise." She said, dismissing herself quickly and hoping out the car before I could say anything though I said it anyway. "Love you, dumpling! Do well...." My voice drifted off, watching her walk into the building in a swift excited motion. I laughed, shaking my head looking over at Luke. "You have a great sister. I love her." I murmur, letting silence set in before I leaned over, grabbing his snapback, putting it on my head. "Now lets go get some food, Rocky."

// pauses and says
"you're my best friend"
and you knew what it was
he is in love
he needs to tell her this when she comes to their house disappointed
and after the little conversation
and he tells her shes his best friend.

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[fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 275px; height: 235px; overflow: auto; margin-top: -1px;][justify][size=9px]I laughed slightly at his comment on his sister of not knowing why he loved her. "She's quite the charm, isn't she?" I said in a false country accent, still slightly staring at the building as we backed up, just knowing that my best friend would probably get her driver's licenses without a problem while it came to me, I wasn't so sure. I could barely ride my bike -- but then again, that was the best I could do but when it came to it with going anywhere, with transportation, I ended up taking a tram or walking. Those are the best things I became accustomed to unless I was going somewhere with the Hemmings, or something. But I never bothered on asking them to go anywhere unless Blake was dragging me along. But when she did, it was never anywhere far so that meant that we would end up walking which again, I was used to. Blake getting her license would be a big jump, that's for sure. She'd probably want to drive simply to the part, a block from her house. Which means, this'll be a big change for me, too. Luke speaking snapped me out of my thoughts. "where do you want to eat, blondie?" Which made me smile at the nickname blondie. "Well, yes, Lucas, I do have blonde hair so do you." I said, leaning over to give the hair he attempted to fix a quick ruffle, only messing up whatever progress he made on it. "Keep it like that. It looks better that way." I said, my eyes narrowing slightly, nodding in approval. Luke looked good without even trying, that was the thing. He didn't need to fix his hair or dress a certain way. Hell, he could even be wearing a loose shirt and sweatpants, messy hair and all, sleep still in his eyes and still be attractive. And that's what I wanted him to know: he was perfect the way he was. "Anywho, I want starbucks, but I'm sure you knew that." I said, at the fact that he was heading that way anyways. Of course, Luke knew what I wanted. He knew me long enough to know that I was a sucker for starbuck's pastries and caramel frappes and well, that's what made me a sucker for him as well. How he paid attention. [/fancypost]

[fancypost borderwidth=0; width: 500px; font-size: 32px; color: white; letter-spacing: -2px; opacity: 0.99; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px black; margin-top: -15px;][font=georgia][i]alison marie evans[/fancypost]
[align=center]_{TEMPLATE © WINNIE}