you wouldn't be shattered on the floor now [ private for thor ]

This is an archived version of FeralFront. While you can surf through all the content that was ever created on FeralFront, no new content can be created.
If you'd like some free FeralFront memorabilia to look back on fondly, see this thread from Dynamo (if this message is still here, we still have memorabilia): https://feralfront.com/thread/2669184-free-feralfront-memorabilia/.

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 500px; text-align: justify][font=georgia]Although it was barely even a week ago that the red and white striped tabby had come back home it felt like years ago. In fact it didn't even feel like she was a grown woman, it felt like she was that little girl with no life experience running around playing the vixen. It felt like she was the girl lying on the floor of the schoolhouse classroom because her heart had been broken. It felt like she was the little girl who watched the one she loved above all else walk away from her. It felt to her like this was history repeating itself. Because he had walked away again, hadn't he? When all she had wanted was to be wanted, needed and to have him tell her that he wouldn't let her go again. But no, he hadn't wanted her and he hadn't needed her. He had left. Again.


    But oh, the head sunguard was so much more than just a 'he' in the mind of the fire pelted she-cat. In her mind he was everything, he was her everything. Upon returning to SunClan she had been oh so happy to see his handsome face smiling at her with that same old crooked grin. But she should've known things would end in burning flames, not paradise. Because isn't that how the song went? 'When there is desire there is gonna be a flame, and when there is a flame someone's bound to get burnt.' It would appear that, as always, she was the one getting burnt for wanting him. Because he didn't want her did he? He certainly didn't need her either...


    Now, sitting in the doorway of the house she had inhabited, the tabby cat let her blue eyes stare out into the night sky. It had only been a day or two but she missed him, she missed being able to see his crooked grin and listen to his chuckle. More than everything else though she missed the way he had once held her within his thick arms as if nothing mattered but the two of them. Gods, it had been so long... Probably over a year now if her calculations were correct. For after he had walked out on her they had both gone their separate ways, leaving cold feelings and tension bubbling between them. She had found Nineteen and he had found Espresso, the girl which still held his heart even though she had betrayed her whole family.


    Thinking of Thor and how he had stalked away from her the other day made her so god damn angry. It didn't make her want to cry out anymore, it made her feel like tearing herself apart. She wasn't angry at him either, she was angry at herself for letting him walk away. Sure his words had hurt her and they had been cruel but she had pushed him to breaking point. She knew that the copper tomcat hated talking of love and talking of Espresso would anger him, but she had needed to say it. For in the moment it had been a 'now or never' kind of thing. So she had said the words and he had lashed out, his words scalding her as if she was walking on hot coals.


    Yet she was not angry at him. Sitting with the moonlight reflecting on her blue eyes the tabby cat silently stood from where she had sat and took a great leap forwards to clear the veranda stairs and alight upon the slightly snowy ground. Admittedly the air was cool and the snow littered ground under her paws caused a shiver to run up her back. But it was a small price to pay compared to the prize which awaited her. The stars were beautiful tonight and the silence of the darkness surrounding her made her feel at peace with the world. Made her feel like nothing had happened between her and the head sunguard, it let her forget for awhile.


    Now standing in the middle of the abandoned street the girl would nestle back on her haunches, looking at the stars in the cloudless night sky. The view here was much better than the one half blocked by her house's porch had been.

    [fancypost borderwidth=0][justify]Thor always had to be the first one to walk away, to show his endowment and supremacy - he couldn't accept that he may not always be completely in the right, so it was not rare that the murky-red tabby would leave before left.


    A wash of guilt had settled in the head sunguard's gutt since hours after his argument with Faunalife, and it took him only a night for him to realize that his brashness had yet gotten the best of him again. Although it took a good few days for the tabby to come to his senses and build up the courage to go speak to her, possibly apologize but that all depended on how compassionate he was feeling.


    Thor thought that everything happened for a reason; he was utterly religious and devout to the God's ever since Frostpaw's position as Divine all those moons ago. With dark eyes solely focused upon the lustrous pearly stars, Thor prayed to stars which he believed to be the God's and past great animals- he prayed for an answer, he prayed for a sign of what he was meant to do. .with Fauna, Magni, Ribcage.


    With a merciful feeling in his chest, Thor stood to his his fair paws with an audible sigh leaving his ivory peppered maw. Letting his legs carry him in a rhythmical behind the houses as his dark eyes looked through the gaps between them to the quiet street in a hope for a glimpse of her, he moved through the shadows, stalking silently.


    The russet tabby saw her, sitting peacefully. Momentarily, he thought of leaving, he didn't want to disturb her but instead, Thor padded soundlessly to the street. They hadn't been close for so long, yet it felt so natural when they were . . and there was no denying that Thor missed it and slivers of emotions poked irritatingly at his brain.


    He stopped behind her, his presence eerily silent before slowly and deliberately, Thor took the last step forward till he was by her side.
    "So .. hi."

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 500px; text-align: justify][font=georgia]
    The tranquility of the silent night had washed over the red tabby cat as she sat under the stars, thinking of nothing and yet everything all at once. For once she felt at peace, she felt as if things with Thor and her would be back to normal soon and she felt that she belonged her. In SunClan. Gazing up at the stars was a relaxing experience for the tabby pelted knight, one that she was more than happy to partake in. But as a small sound pierced the silence and a familiar scent made her nose twitch she realised that tonight would not be peaceful, not at all.


    It was the sound of the male's large laws drumming against the road that had let her know of his arrival, that and his familiar smell of course. As he came towards her she closed her blue eyes, not sure if she was really up for this... But as he reached her side she opened them once more, her ears pricking and swivelling towards him as he spoke. "So... hi." The words sounded awkward and out of place coming from the normally confident tomcat's maw. A soft sigh escaping her mouth the she-cat's blue eyes glanced over at him, studying him curiously. Why was he here? Hadn't he told her he didn't need or want her?


    "Hi." The knight spoke in response, unsure of the right words to say to him. She wanted to beg forgiveness from the tomcat for agitating him the way she had. Yet it didn't feel right to beg forgiveness from him. "I thought you didn't want me around?" Faunalife asked, raising her invisible eyebrows at him as she spoke the words in a gentle tone. They weren't meant to come out rudely or meanly, they were gently spoken although laced with curiosity.

    [fancypost borderwidth=0][justify]"I don't."


    He meowed bluntly, though there was a sign of a slight smirk on his ivory peppered maw and he still radiated a peaceful, aura. He sat beside her, keeping a few inches of distance, since he believed that his closeness made her uncomfortable and still, even her presence made him feel as if he was being unfaithful - he couldn't push her out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.


    He tilted his head upwards to the sky, the stars reflecting a familiar green fire within his chartreuse orbs. He always watched the stars, ever since his father's death and kept faith in his belief of all those burning torches of white light being animals who had passed away and earned their place - Thor always thought the biggest one was his father, and his green eyes lay fixated upon the biggest with a nostalgic look upon his chiseled face.


    Giving a soft sigh, though still keeping his eyes above even when he spoke, the tabby continued. "Doesn't mean I don't need you around though." He grumbled, utterly embarrassed as he spoke. How he hated soppy conversations and letting his walls down, he felt so weak and futile.

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 500px; text-align: justify][font=georgia]
    "I don't." Hearing his bluntly spoken words she turned her blue eyes away from him, deciding it best to keep her eyes on stars. They calmed her those little twinkling lights in the sky, they made her feel as if everything was going to be okay. Unsure of the right words to say back to that the tabby simply grimaced, wondering why she hadn't just walked away when he had appeared. He didn't love her, he probably never would. Yet when he was close to her she could almost believe otherwise.


    As the tomcat move she turned her head and her steady blue gaze towards him, watching as he sat down. The inches between them felt like a barrier to the fem, a barrier which she had set up to protect herself from heartbreak. Her eyes stayed on him, studying him for awhile as he looked up into the stars as she had been doing only moments before. Then came his gentle sigh as he spoke, keeping his eyes locked on the sky as he did so.


    "Doesn't mean I don't need you around though." So what? He didn't want her around and yet he would have her simply because he needed her? The thought almost brought out a dead laugh from the she-cat but she held it in. What was it she had said to him - that she would always be there for him. Faunalife had told him that even if he tried pushing her out she would always still be there, she had told him that she wouldn't turn her back on him - even if he had done it to her. "I don't get you sometimes..." She mused, looking back at him with almost confused seeming blue eyes as if she was trying to figure him out. Sometimes even though she knew him well the head sunguard was a complete mystery and she hated that for she never knew what he was going to do next.


    Letting a couple of moments pass before she spoke again she offered him a small half smile when she did. "You miss him, don't you?" Faunalife murmured, following his green gaze to the brightest star of the night. She knew what he was thinking now though as he sat there with that nostalgic look on his face. Rapidfire.

    [fancypost borderwidth=0][justify]Shrugging his broad shoulders with a dark chuckle, he kept his gaze away from her. "That's the best way to be." He had heard it many times before, about his unpredictability. Although serious, Thor certainly wasn't boring with a personality that bounced of many scales of the spectrum. He would say the same about her, about the way she was so different to Espresso who he thought he knew so well though apparently not from his recent conversation with his returned son.


    The silence between them was comfortable rather than tense like their last meeting and Thor enjoyed it. With the business of his job and all the clanmates, Thor was rarely peaceful and with his brain filled with bees, he seldom had a peace of mind either.


    He sighed heavily, his jaw visibly clenched and he let his gaze drop. He wondered if he would be proud of him, Thor didn't know, his life was filled with mistakes and he hoped that soon it would straighten out so he would be able to look up at the brightest star blithely rather than regretfully. "I do.." He grumbled, shuffling his rump so he was facing her rather than on the side of her.


    He was a crappy son and an ever worse father, apparently even a terrible mate since Espresso decided she couldn't wait for his return and found a new guy. It said that if you love something you should let it go but the murky golden-red tabby didn't think like that, quite the opposite, which is why he had to restrain himself from engulfing the feline that sat only a few inches away.

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 500px; text-align: justify][font=georgia]
    "He'd be proud of you, y'know..." The red tabby girl found herself saying almost instinctively, a smile lacing her maw. It was true though, wasn't it? Who wouldn't be proud of having been father to such a warrior, one who could make Fauna's heart melt with a bat of his dark green coloured eyes. Silence followed her words and she sat there, relishing in the comfort she found in Thor's company. When he had first shown up to sit by her she had expected another tense meeting, yet as the tom-cat moved to sit facing her she smiled softly to him. It was great, the way she managed to completely relax in his presence - yet there was one thing nagging at the back of her mind.


    "Thor, are you still angry at me?" Faunalife asked sheepishly, shuffling her paws a little as she remembered his harsh and anger filled words. It had been scary, the anger he had unleashed at her. She knew that if she were in his shoes she would still be angry at herself, for maybe her words had been too honest.

    [fancypost borderwidth=0][justify]He had to smile, it was the polite thing to do - even though he didn't believe it. He was an awful father, friend, sibling and mate..what would his father think? Dipping his head in silent gratitude, Thor rarely smiled. Mostly, it was a dark grin or toothy smirk but this smile was turning to a genuine one that hadn't been upon his ivory muzzle for a long time.


    "No, otherwise I wouldn't be here, silly." He meowed, craning his neck to push his freckled nose against her slight shoulder. Thor could hardly remember what had caused the argument since all the water-shed moments since but he could guess he over-reacted, like he always did and stormed away without a word like he always did.


    "Are you.. angry with me?" He returned, straightening his spine awkwardly.

    [fancypost bgcolor=; border: 0px; width: 500px; text-align: justify][font=georgia]Listening to his words she felt her small smile stretch into a genuinely happy and pleased one. Being with Thor came naturally to the she-cat and she felt only comfort and warmth around him. That is when they weren't fighting in a room full of tension... As he leant forwards to press his nose gently against his shoulder she isn't pull away. The other day she had, telling him she couldn't bear to be so close to him knowing he didn't want her. But after fighting with him she had felt the need to be close to him once again. So his warm touch had brought a smile to her maw. As he straightened awkwardly and spoke she shook her head, the smile not fading at all.


    "No, it's impossible to ever stay angry with you." The tabby cat responded, her blue eyes aglow as they looked into his green ones. It was true - never would she ever be able to stay angry at the chiselled tomcat.

    [fancypost borderwidth=0][justify]His body slowly lowered downward against the grassy ground, the moon illuminating it's bright pearly rays from against the black sky. He couldn't help but reflect her smile and a breathy chuckle left his throat as he turned his gaze to the grass around his ivory mottled paws.


    "I know." He returned, before patting the ground next to him in a beckoning call for her to settle beside him on the moon-lit verdant grass.