There is cake, I promise (private)

After the initial fall of the Aperture company, GLaDOS had given up trying to recruit new test subjects via the traditional method - that is, create a campaign advertising fast money and rush an application process until the facility was swimming with unemployed illiterates that ceased living or became emotionally unsound within the first 60 minutes of testing. It was really quite disconcerting. But after she had left... GLaDOS was lucky to find any human beings at all.

They were a rarity. The way a human female would walk alongside their smaller human offspring and point off into the distance at some sort of rare bird, and declare loudly "Oh, look at that." And the human offspring would look at the bird in wonderment and then forget all about it, and never see a similar bird for months afterwards. That was what seeing a human being was like.

She assumed these three specimens were runaways from Black Mesa, their uniforms, though torn and partially burnt, certainly attested to that. GLaDOS scorned that company as any Aperture employee did upon reflex. Though even if they were not, it would certainly be satisfying to see individuals with a considerably higher IQ provide invaluable testing for the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.

"We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one," GLaDOS droned over the speaker system, admittedly a little tired of the same routine every time a new test subject awoke. "Your purpose for the next -insert period of time- is to provide testing for the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. We hope that your performance is satisfactory and that you will avoid the serious injuries that may occur as a result of what you would colloquially call 'stupidity'. You are welcome to ask any questions in the next 10 second period that is reserved for this purpose. Starting now." Lazily, she began to count down from 10 a little too quickly for the test subjects' liking.

Even more interesting, mused GLaDOS, would be to see how - rather, if - the test subjects could work together to solve mind-numbingly simple tests.

"The portal will open in three, two, one." There had been one white panel in the cramped glass cage that confined the group, and all of a sudden it was drowned in orange light that swirled in an oval, accompanied by a sort of crackling sound. Inside this portal was a completely different room, though it was partially misted for the moment. "Please be assured that while prolonged usage of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device has not been proven to induce any harmful side effects, the Enrichment Centre would be grateful if you report any observations made on your part - for example, if your body fails to reassemble itself in the correct fashion in the first testing environment."

There was a brief pause before GLaDOS continued, cheerily, "The Aperture Science Enrichment Centre has gone -13- days without an accident."

There was a short burst of static, almost giving the illusion that GLaDOS had responded indignantly to David's last statement. "##]}#---theeeE Aperture Science Long-Fall Boots are specifically designed as a preventative measure against death. Unlike other variants of this technology, the Long-Fall Boots are designed to weigh the wearer's feet to the ground, ensuring a safe landing from any height in any dimension, and also remain fully in extremities of temperatures."

"Now, please proceed to the first testing chamber before the portal closes," she reiterated.

The chamber was fairly spacious and gave the impression of being swallowed by gigantic walls of white, as that seemed to be the only colour present in the entire facility thus far. It was empty, too, save for the three podiums footsteps away from the test subjects, each displaying a gun-like device that swirled and sparked with interchanging orange and blue lights from the tips.

"The Enrichment Centre urges you to step forward and receive your own Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device which you will use for the entirety of the testing procedure. Do not break it. You will use this device to create linked portals to aid you in solving simple tests."

GLaDOS gave no personal response - to do so would be against testing protocol, after all - and instead deployed a large cube from the ceiling, then removed a panel from the ground to reveal a red button. A simple weighted-storage-cube-button-door test. It required a child's understanding.

What was interesting, however, was that beneath the panel GLaDOS had removed there seemed to be a hollow section of room surrounded in black, shinier panels, accessible by tearing away a few more of the floor tiles. The button acted as some sort of makeshift ceiling, as if to hide this 'secret area'.

Scrawled onto the black panels were what looked like chalk drawings. Scribbled pictures, symbols, none with any significant meaning, and words, repeated over and over and over - and though it was difficult to make out the name from above, the letters curled at the end of the word like a capital 'L', and the curve at the front might have been a 'C'. The centerpiece of this artistic display was a large drawing of some kind of robot that hung from the ceiling in grotesque tangles of wires, with arrows pointing to spheres attached all over it, and exclamation marks to emphasize them... for whatever reason.

The overhead buzzed again, louder this time. "Well done," GLaDOS congratulated Ann, the same way you might congratulate a child for spelling out its name correctly. "Please proceed to the chamberlock."

The next test was similar, though it involved two platforms with a large vat of slow-swirling liquid inbetween that was so acidic its smell burned the subjects' throats as they breathed. Obviously, portals were necessary to reach the exit, unless one of them felt like swimming through that unknown toxic substance. Unlike the other chamber, however, the walls weren't quite as 'flawless'. There were scratches across some, black marks, and general wear and tear.

"The Enrichment Centre would like to apologise for the appearance of some of the test chambers. Due to certain circumstances - and a certain individual - maintenance of the facility has suffered somewhat. Rest assured, this will not negatively affect your testing experience unless a vital platform decomposes beneath your feet."

"All Enrichment Centre testing is designed to assess the average intellect of the human race at the point in time in which the testing occurs and to provide valuable information on individual psychology - though above all, it is designed to evaluate and improve the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device," GLaDOS drawled in a haughty response, though since this very trail of speech was pulled straight from her internal data it barely counted as a 'personal' reply.

"Negativity is detrimental to Enrichment Centre testing and is therefore banned," GLaDOS snarled from the overhead. "-Cake- will not be awarded to any test subject who violates this requirement." GLaDOS idly wondered if this subject would believe that.

GLaDOS hummed with amusement. It seemed the test subjects had already begun to fight between themselves. She very much looked forward to a more challenging test which required co-operation... idly wondering again if they would be able to manage it.

Still... they were getting through the introductory tests painfully slowly.