.::People don't destroy the things they love::. (BxB) (Abuse)

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    (Ah, I see)


    Kai smiled when Jace took his hand, but his expression quickly turned to one of horror and complete nervousness when he saw Jace push up his sleeve. "Oh.." Was all he said as Jace kissed him. No, no, no, damn it, no! I.. I have to be perfect! This can't be happening! His thoughts raced and his mind practically went on auto-pilot. He tried to rip hand hand away from Jace as fast as he could. Recently, he had stopped doing it so much on his arms, and decided there was more room on his thighs. At.. Least he only saw those..? "....A while." He muttered as he pulled his sleeve back down and looked away, back to the quiet boy he was with everyone else. "Can... Can we forget about it?"

    Jace's heart was torn as Kai pulled away from him to face the wall. Idiot! he thought to himself, I should have never said anything. Jace immediately blamed himself for Kai's cutting. He thought of all the times he had been out too late, and imagined Kai alone at home with a razor in hand. Jace's heart started to beat faster as the silence grew between the two of them. He wanted to hug Kai, to take him in his arms and refuse to let go, but would Kai want him to? Would he pull away and separate himself from Jace? Jace reached his hand out to Kai's shoulder and then stopped just before touching him. He balled his hand into a tight fist and his self-hatred grew. If only I could have been here with him. To tell him I love him. Doesn't he know that? Does he believe that? As his questions grew, so did his anger and sadness. He looked up at Kai to see him nervously playing with his sleeves. "Kai," he said shakily, "I love you." The long night had gotten to him, and this had been the icing on the cake. He had spent so long trying to find his own happiness, he had forgotten about Kai's. "I know I don't say it enough," Jace whispered through clenched teeth, "but, I love you." He couldn't fight it any longer and a couple of tears fell from his eyes to the arch of his jawline as his shoulders shuddered from the effort of keeping himself from crying. shitShitShitShit! He thought, Why the hell am I crying? I never cry!


    (I know you want me to be mean to Kai but it is soooo hard! I'm not used to playing mean characters.)

    (No, I get it! Plus I make my characters so innocent and child like that it's hard to hurt them xD Jace could be the kinda guy to only hit Kai when he's uber drunk?)


    Kai continued to play with his sleeve, occasionally glancing back at Jace. I don't wanna be the one to break. Maybe he will..? By 'Break', he meant he didn't want to be the first one to turn around and hug Jace. He still had no idea about the cheating, but the harsh words and missed time with Jace had been enough for him to fall back into his own habits. Somehow, he knew Jace would figure it out or see. But he kept deluding himself into thinking it'd never happen. He all ready knew Jace loved him, and continued to trick himself into thinking that theirs was a perfect relationship. But that also meant that he thought he himself was the problem and cause of the words, and that's the only reason he even did it. Kai bit his bottom lip hard as he nervously glanced everywhere. He still didn't say a word.

    (Sounds like a plan!)
    Jace stared at Kai longingly. He wanted to hold him in his arms so badly. But again, he was afraid. He always seemed like the tough guy. The one that could face anything, but the truth is he is just a coward running scared. Scared to admit that he is weak, scared to love, scared to show his true self, but most of all scared of losing Kai. The thought of pushing Kai to his limit was enough to turn Jace inside out and backwards, but he was too stuck to move. He looked to Kai's unreadable expression for what seemed like the hundredth time, tears streaming slowly down his face now, and tried to decide what to do. After a long moment of silence he walked up behind Kai and wrapped his arms around him protectively. His breaths were rugged and low as he tried to put his wall back together and stop the crying.

    Kai turned around to face Jace once he hugged him. He buried his face in his boyfriend's chest and held on desperately to the back of his boyfriend's shirt, almost as if his life depended on it. He let out a soft whimper as he shut his eyes tightly. "I-I-I love y-you..." He managed to say.

    (Time skip?)


    Ever since last weekend, Jace had been on edge. After falling asleep on the couch with Kai in his arms, it seemed like everything was going to be okay again, but he was wrong. In the middle of a long lecture, Jace found himself chewing the ends of his pencils off in nervousness. Damn it! He thought when he realized what he was doing, Why am I so tense? Jace put the pencil down and tried to concentrate, but the more he tried, the worse it got. The biology professor was going on and on about human anatomy, in specific; blood and major arteries. Ironic right? Jace couldn't help but imagine the cuts on Kai's arms. He wondered if he had ever come close, and he prayed that he would never come too close.
    Jace excused himself from the lecture and found himself facing his reflection in the boy's bathroom. He tried to think about anything but Kai, bloody and alone, but his mind was drowning in horrific images of his lover's body in a casket. He flinched when another student entered the restroom and approached him.
    "Hey! Jace right? I'm friends with Dom. He says your a real roof raiser!" Jace Examined the shaggy blonde standing before him and decided he had never seen him before. "Yo, my names Daren." He extended his slender arm out to Jace, who shook it uneasily. "Bro you don't look to good." Daren observed, "You know Dominic is havin' another party tonight, and you look like you could use a drink or two." Jace was just about to say no, when the aching feeling inside him said otherwise. Hell, he deserved a good time. Maybe this would help him to loosen up? He plastered a Smile on his face and said calmly, "yeah, see ya tonight."

    Unlike Jace, Kai was very happy. It felt like something had been lifted off his shoulders. It's like all that never even happened... He thought as he continued the book from a few nights prior. Sure, it was a little stressful knowing that Jace knew. And yes, sometimes everything would come crashing at night and he'd think about doing it, but he always stopped himself- well, usually. Jace had his addictions- So did Kai. But Kai thought Jace was getting over his, so he thought he may as well try to stop harming himself as well. Well, he thought.
    I should probably get my homework done... Kai thought, having had a college class only an hour prior.

    Jace didnt bother stopping at home. He had a feeling Kai would be working on something, and he didn't want to bother him. As he pulled into Dominic's driveway, he could hear the booming music inside. He wanted to forget about the reality of the situation he was in and spend a little time unaware, unattached, and well, drunk. He had only spend a few minutes inside when he caught the same blonde from before staring at him. He didnt really find her attractive, it just amazed him at how much she looked just like Andrea. He was thrown into the past when he looked at her, and all current worries were lost. Memories of sneaking out with Andrea and getting into troubled started to re-surface. He could hear the way she laughed, and see the face she made when she pouted, the way she could make time fly, and how the smell of her shampoo would cling to his hands after playing with her hair. He was lost in these thoughts, when the blonde was suddenly got up and walking over to him.
    (Do you want to rp the girl?)

    (Sure! I'm bad at roleplaying straight girls tho, just saying. Couple of questions- Did Jace tell Kai about Andrea? Two- How much more did he like Andrea? (Ahh I'm getting jealous for my own character what))


    The girl smiled I a way that she hoped looked flirtatious- And it did. "Hi! I'm Nikki. We made eye contact earlier.. I just wanted to say hi!" She crossed her arms, but did it under her breats so that they popped out a little more. Nikki was... Well, Nikki was sad too. She had her own problems- Mostly ones that had to do with school and her boyfriend- Ex. She reminded the rather unintelligent narrator. Ex boyfriend.

    (That's fine! And I'm sorry for being offline so much recently, I was very busy with homework and I had a big cross country meet today. Also, Jace hasn't told anyone other than his parents and close friends of Andrea, about Andrea. And he loves Kai just as much, if not more than Andrea, (No worries :D) but he is still grieving, which is why his relationship with Kai has been so shaky.)
    Jace was shocked and a bit nervous about the girl, and held his breath as she made her way over to him. When she spoke, he found himself a bit disappointed that she didn't sound anything like Andrea. He couldn't even hide the frown that formed when she introduced herself, annihilating his almost perfect image of her. "Hello," He said flatly, offering her his hand, "I'm Jason." He realized how long it had been since he had introduced himself with his full name, but he didn't like it when strangers called him Jace. He had also been with Kai for so long, that boobs weren't really as enticing as they had once been when he was a young teen. In fact, he hadn't even noticed how well-endowed Nikki was up-top. Jace continued to scan the crowd avoiding eye-contact with her and sipping at his beer.

    She was obviously upset at his reaction. Nikki shook it, and frowned a little at it. "Um, yeah... I saw you dancing with those girls, you're pretty good at dancing huh?" She grinned and tried a little harder to make them pop, not understanding why it wasn't working. It... It worked with Max...? It always made him stay home... Not to mention all the other guys who're here... She thought with complete confusion. "W-Well, it's nice to meet you by the way Jace..!" Her grin faltered- But only by a little bit. "Do you have a girlfriend?"


    (Ok! I'm easily made jealous oops xD I'm kinda inactive too, no worries!)

    "Yeah, I used to dance all the time." It was then that he noticed the way she was puffing out her chest. He was caught off guard by her bold question and answered honestly, "No." He took another swig of his beer and wondered if he should mention he actually had a boyfriend. He didn't feel like talking, so he decided just to keep it to himself. He had always hated the look some people would give him and Kai. His parents were a little upset about his relationship at first. They said he was confused because of Andrea's death, but he loved Kai no doubt.

    She smiled a little more. "No? Huh, I would've thought so, you're pretty cute." She poked his arm. Please, please, please, just one more night with some guy..! She thought hopefully. Nikki shrugged and said, "I'm not dating anyone either."


    Kai turned the next page of his book and took a quick glance at the clock. "Huh... He's not... He's not going out again is he...? No, it's fine. I don't own him, it's fine if he goes places without saying anything. And he- He won't drink much, if at all. Surely." Kai convinced himself with another nod.

    Jace could see that Nikki was acting a bit needy, which kind of turned him off, but he was dating someone anyway. He turned to her bluntly and said, "Well, I don't have a girlfriend, but I am dating someone." He thought about Kai in that moment and it made him want to go home. He was tired, and just wanted to sleep, but worrying was keeping him up at night. He felt as if he was cursed to loose the people he loved. Frist Andrea, and now that he knew Kai cut, it was all he could think about when he left him. Jace had already emptied the bathroom of any kind of razor, but surprisingly, he hadn't ever found any evidence that Kai cut. Jace was just about to pay for his drink and head out, when Nikki continued to speak to him.

    Nikki sighed again. "Well, all right. Whatever." With a turn, she went to go find another guy. Damn! It's only been a few days since he was dancing on those girls, how'd he get a girl- Oh.... Not a girl. Still, how'd he get a boyfriend so fast?! She wasn't exactly piecing everything together.

    Jace watched as she strolled away to the next guy, and placed his money on the counter. He wasn't exactly drunk, but he could tell he smelled like a bar. He was just pulling into the driveway when he noticed another smell, Nikki had been wearing perfume. And not just any perfume, but the toxic, nose-scrunching, smelly perfume. He took off his jacket and cautiously stepped inside. "Kai?" He called.

    Kai looked up from his book. "Oh, you're home!" He said, a small smile brightening his facial features. He bookmarked it and set the now closed book on the coffee table in front of him. "I got a little nervous for a second there, but I don't own you so I figured I shouldn't worry." He couldn't quite smell Jace yet since he was still not close enough to be able to.

    "No worries," Jace said calmly. "I just went out for a drink after class. I didn't want to stop home first and bug you. I knew I wouldn't be there for too long." As he talked, Jace shuffled to the bedroom and threw his Jacket in a hamper. "I'm just going to get changed really quick!" He shouted from the bedroom.

    "Mm... Ok..." He cringed as Jace walked by, since he could smell the alcohol on him. And something else... Its nothing, just the smell of alcohol and sweaty dancers I guess. He decided in his head. Kai waited patiently for Jace to get back. Am I becoming obsessed? I hope not... It's just been so long since he actually cared. Or acted like he did. Maybe this was all a good turn of events after all..

    Jace stepped out of the room with fresh clothes on. He walked over to Kai and sat down on the couch patting the seat next to him, motioning for Kai to join him. I hope I don't smell. Jace thought. He batted the idea away and tried very hard not to look at Kai's arms too much. He's an adult who can take care of himself, Jace told himself, I don't have to baby him. He wouldn't do anything stupid.