it's killing me to see you this way + depression

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    armin had died.


    that was the thought that had plagued the young feline's mind for almost every minute of every day. he had developed feelings for the alabaster tom. and now he was gone.


    cubankit was in the lush forest near the mountains, padding with no aim of where to go. tears cascaded down his cheeks, dampening the fur of his chest. no one could help, he realized. commanderspock simply did not want anything to do with his own children.


    coming upon a large moss covered boulder and a fallen tree, the chocolate tom wedged himself between a rock and a hard place, creating a nest of sorts. whipping his tail over his small frame, cuban let the tears flow freely. maybe he could have saved armin. maybe if he had been there, armin would've survived. maybe, maybe maybe.


    gazing at his paw, sharp alabaster claws slipped out of their sheaths. maybe, maybe, maybe. he had heard of self-harm and wondered why others had done it. maybe they weren't that stupid. cubankit ran his claws on the inside of his foreleg, putting pressure on it. after he was finished, there were five bleeding claw marks on his foreleg. tucking his maw into his tail, the tom silently cried.
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    (c) gryphon

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    Self-harm. Hmm. It was illogical - though some found comfort in the action. He was limping around the territory, knees buckling beneath him occasionally, when he heard crying thanks to his super senses. Following the noise, he found his son lying beneath the boulder. Without saying a word but inwardly sighing, Spock pulled himself over and basically collapsed beside Cubankit, sitting down right beside him. His brown orbs didn't immediately rest on the bleeding paw, they in fact went to a scar on his chest, though he did eventually look down and lock his jaw. He aimed to touch the kitten with his tail.


    /mobile.

    [fancypost bgcolor=black bordercolor=#f00; height: 300px; width: 360px; background:url(http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs7…it_by_aidapup-d7hwoyx.png); border-top: 10px ridge #f00; border-left: 10px ridge #f00; border-right: 10px groove #f00; border-bottom: 10px groove #f00; font-family: courier; color: black; font-size: 14pt]Voidstep


    [OOC] [IC][fancypost bgcolor=black bordercolor=transparent; height: 232px; width: 143px; opacity: 0.5; margin-left: -11px; font-family: footlight mt light; font-size: 10pt; color: white; overflow: auto]XXX[/fancypost]
    [fancypost bgcolor=black bordercolor=transparent; height: 232px; width: 165px; opacity: 0.5; margin-right: -10px; margin-top: -244px; font-family: footlight mt light; font-size: 10pt; color: white; overflow: auto]Voidstep had been sprawled amongst the tangled roots of an aged alder, staring despondently at the swaying boughs above his small, bony form, lost deep in his thoughts. That is, until the salty tang of blood tickled his charcoal nostrils. It was faint, but just enough to thin the fog of thoughts that hung heavily about his head, obscuring his senses. He felt rather detached from reality at the moment, but was just intrigued enough to be compelled to search out the source of the smell. After all, what else had he to do?
    The scraggy tomcat wandered in the direction from which the scent had been carried to him on a gust of wind. His metallic grey optics found Spock before they found Cubankit, but when he saw scarlet blood leaking from five cuts in his soft young flesh and staining his light claws, he knew instantly what was going on, and the realization shoved him into full consciousness.
    I'm not the only one. he thought, glancing down at his own scarred foreleg. He'd been addicted to self-harm for a while (he only did it on occasion, now); the rush of adrenaline, the relief of punishing himself for his innumerable mistakes. It had been hard, feeling that nobody understood; that there was nobody he could talk to. Now, here was this young tom, doing exactly the same thing, and no doubt feeling the same way. Yet he derived no comfort. Instead, he felt a stab of dismay. However much he hated to be alone in something like this, he couldn't let somebody else fall into the same cycle.
    Approaching on silent black paws, the honourguard sat quietly on Cubankit's other side, trying to gaze at him in the least threatening way possible. Then, realizing that he was beginning to stare, he swiftly refocused on his own forefeet. Voidstep had never been comforted before, nor had he ever succeeded in comforting anybody else, but he had to give it a try.
    "I-I know how y-you feel..." he stammered. "But this isn't the w-way to deal with it." Shit, why couldn't he speak all of a sudden? Why were a stranger's troubles striking him so deeply? He sort of felt the way he did when his social anxiety flared up, minus the shaking and inability to breathe, though it certainly wasn't an anxiety attack. In truth, he didn't know what it was. It was just... an overload of emotions, he supposed.
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    ©Voidstep
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    [justify]Wingspan walked over, saying nothing, looking at the kitten and then at Spock. She dipped her head in greeting, and sat down, curling her tail over her paws. "Hello," the advisor mewed softly, not sure what she could say to the kitten to make him feel better. Sometimes, silence could be better then speaking.[/justify]

    [fancypost bgcolor=#CC0A0A; border: 0px solid black; width: 300px; height: 0px;][/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=#BC0909; border: 0px solid black; width: 300px; height: 0px;][/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=#AC0808; border: 0px solid black; width: 300px; height: 0px;][/fancypost][fancypost bgcolor=; border: 2px solid white; border-top:0px solid black; border-left: 3px solid #9C0707; border-bottom: 0px solid black; border-right: 3px solid #9C0707; width: 294px; height: auto; font-size: 7pt; text-align: justify;]The faint smell of blood was in the air. It only reminded him of the slight ache in his throat; the way that apprentice had died. He didn't even know the feline's damn name, and yet he nearly dreamed of him every night. Lifepaw groaned as he thought about it, following the scent to find the small chocolate kit. His forearms were cut, and it made the lilac apprentice force his gaze away. The thought of self-harm made him gag. The feline stayed away though. What could he say to cheer the poor thing up? He didn't know him either..
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    [justify][fancypost bgcolor= transparent; border: 1px solid transparent; font-family: calibri; font-size: 9pt;]Ah, he knew what was happening.


    Tsukishima frowned and approached the kitten, but maintained his distance as he stopped beside Lifepaw, his honey optics narrowed into slits. He hasn't resorted to self harm- yet. Armin's death had really pushed the cougar to his mental limits, but he didn't want to hurt or kill himself, as he thought it would just make the dead apprentice angry, even though he was dead and not here. The cougar closed his eyes and sighed.

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    he was honestly surprised. the first one that had come - and he had known someone would find him sooner or later - had been his own father. someone he wouldn't have expected. turning his attention to voidstep, wincing at the pain in his leg. "sure," the tom mumbled, not bothering to acknowledge anyone else.[/fancypost]

    (c) gryphon

    [fancypost bgcolor=black bordercolor=#f00; height: 300px; width: 360px; background:url(http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs7…it_by_aidapup-d7hwoyx.png); border-top: 10px ridge #f00; border-left: 10px ridge #f00; border-right: 10px groove #f00; border-bottom: 10px groove #f00; font-family: courier; color: black; font-size: 14pt]Voidstep


    [OOC] [IC][fancypost bgcolor=black bordercolor=transparent; height: 232px; width: 143px; opacity: 0.5; margin-left: -11px; font-family: footlight mt light; font-size: 10pt; color: white; overflow: auto]XXX[/fancypost]
    [fancypost bgcolor=black bordercolor=transparent; height: 232px; width: 165px; opacity: 0.5; margin-right: -10px; margin-top: -244px; font-family: footlight mt light; font-size: 10pt; color: white; overflow: auto]Sure? What did that mean? Did he agree, or was he disregarding his words? Voidstep blinked uncertainly. He supposed it didn't matter - he could only hope that the kit didn't do this again. "Would you like a medic...?" he inquired after a few moments of silence. He would assume not, but he thought it was best that he asked, just in case. He remembered the first time he'd self-harmed - the first to find him had been a pair of kits, who'd both flipped out and started screeching for medics. Fun times.
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    ©Voidstep
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    "i'll go alone," murmured the kit, looking in the direction of the large boulder with a distant look in his dull optics.


    rushed
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    (c) gryphon