a bed of grass [ RUE'S 100 ONE-SHOT CHALLENGE] a soft green pillow

SEEKING SOLACE.

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Today I curled up into bed and closed my eyes, smiling as I waited for sleep to come. It didn't. A thought was keeping me awake, nagging at me. Why had I come to Blizzard Clan? And where had I been before that? Suddenly, none of that existed. I fought to remember. Finally I managed to more or less remember, bit by foggy bit.

I came from a faraway place with warm summers and magical springs. Hah. Life was a misery. I think the place I lived in was called something along the lines of District... Eleven? That sounds right. It was a wide forest, where we worked hard for those who "protected" us from the outside world. Didn't... didn't they call themselves Peacekeepers? Again, hah. They assigned everyone dingy shallow holes in the ground as nest. Only about half actually gave cover from rain or snow, and there was hardly any room. Chances were if you did happen to have some sort of roof, it would collapse and smother you during the night. Mothers had to kit outside and risk attacks from wild animals, because there just wasn't enough space in the cramped dugouts. As soon as they were off milk, kits would be shunted into there own tiny dens, and set to work just like everyone else. The Peacekeepers treated us like slaves. I guess in a way we were. They forced us to stay in our "dens" all night long. Anyone out after curfew was killed on sight, no matter the reason, no matter their age.

My memories are so fuzzy I can't recall most of the work they had us do. I remember the most common job had something to do with trees. I loved climbing trees, but I wasn't very good. A few days after I joined Blizzard Clan, Mosaicstar taught me how to climb properly. I practice every day and some nights, and I get better all the time. The Peacekeepers also had us hunt, though I got away before I was taught how. Doesn't matter. We had to bring all the prey to them. Everyone worked throughout the day and brought in quite a bounty. The Peacekeepers were always healthy and well fed. I could see the ribcages of everyone in my home district. I still have the scars from the hours they had us digging more of those shallow unstable holes they claimed were "homes." There were so many sleepless nights I spent licking my bleeding paws, waiting for morning so I could see my mommy. I can only guess there were at least ten other "districts" somewhere out there, maybe even more, suffering the way we were. But there were so many people in my home. It's hard to believe how many there might be out there, going through the pain I was once in.

Then the day came where I was blamed for catching prey for myself and not taking it to the Peacekeepers to be "distributed." I was taken to the edge of the territory, and tortured horribly. They told me when I was ready to get patched up and start following the rules again, I could "drag my sorry carcass back to my den." Just like the good little girl I was supposed to be, right? But my big brother, older by just a year, he snuck out to see me. He washed my wounds clean, and then Acer looked my right in the eyes, all serious. He gently nuzzled me, then told me, "Mama and the others say run. They say some of the Peacekeeper's would go look for you, but if you can find one of the 'clans,' they won't be able to do anything to you. And then she says we could run too, and come join you." I couldn't fight, couldn't hunt, couldn't fend for myself! "I'm scared," I whispered to Acer. He stared into my eyes grimly. "It's gonna be alright Rue. Wanna know something? Your fast. And if they can't catch you, they can't kill you. Got that?" I nodded, sniffing. "Did mommy tell you to say that?" To my surprise he smiled, shaking his head. "Nah. Those are my words. Never forget that, right Rue?" With another snivel, I nodded fearfully. "I'm fast. And if they can't catch me, they can't kill me," I echoed. I haven't spoken to Acer since.

The journey was long, cold, and hungry. It was nothing but misery after endless misery, things that shook me down to the core. I was only a defenseless pup, being chased by a massive patrol of skilled fighters. The odds were against me. The odds had never been in my ever favor. One day I met a plump blind kittypet who told me all about a group of animals living in the wild. He said traditionally they were cats, but now there were all kinds of cats. Tigers, bears, horses, everything! I asked him if the group was called a clan. And he said yes.

I ran in the direction the kindly kittypet had directed in, tears in my eyes. I would finally reach a clan and be safe, for the first time in my life! And then mommy and Acer and the siblings would come and we'd all live together and be happy. I was probably still half an hour away when the Peacekeepers caught up.

They pounced on me, jeering, laughing, ripping at me while I whimpered and screamed in pain. But none of it hurt as much as seeing Acer's face, wearing the same green cloth tied like a choker around his neck like the other Peacekeepers. He didn't speak to me, but I could see it all in his eyes as he tried to avoid my gaze. Mommy and the siblings and the kindly old kittypet were dead. My big brother and best friend's ambition came before his love, so he was dead to me as well. And now... now I would be dead.

The Peacekeepers thought I was. Acer thought I was. I thought I was. Finally I stumbled to my feet, hoping I'd die sooner if I moved forward, so the blood would leave me faster, so I could go cry in mommy's arms. When my legs finally gave out, fate finally chose to side with me. I had fallen in Blizzard Clan territory. That day I did die, in a way. I was still me, but a different me. A me who had never had mommy and the siblings, never met the kindly old kittypet, never was tortured by heartless Peacekeepers, never betrayed by my Acer, the only one who could make the imaginary night monsters in the dark seem not so scary. I could never be rid of the things that had happened to me. But I had to face my new life, to embrace happiness. I may have come to Blizzard Clan seeking happiness, but did I find my happiness? Would I have been happier in District Eleven?

...

I still don't know.

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