this little bluebird [private] came looking again

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    [fancypost borderwidth=0px;][justify][color=black][size=8]at the sound of her sob, crowtalon immediately felt the urge to comfort her, but how could he? she wouldn't let him touch her, probably. the jaguar turned to the side slightly, not wanting to let his gaze slip back to her; he couldn't bear to look her, crying and bleeding and telling him that they were no longer friends. it would break his heart.


    when he heard the femme's words, a small but inevitable amount of hope appeared in his heart, along with immense sadness. her words were in the past tense. he was probably just overthinking that part, but it still hurt him. mosaicstar was smart enough to know what she was saying and what it meant, too, so maybe she had done it in purpose. maybe they really were over. he didn't want to be over. he wanted to stay by her side forever and ever. he never wanted to leave. but how could he stay when she wouldn't let him?


    he said nothing in response; he just forced back more tears.


    [justify]
    Sobs were beginning to become commonplace, continuing against her will. It hurt so badly she was surprised it wasn't her heart that was bleeding. She'd given up on holding back tears now, but really wished she didn't have to be so loud, so obvious. So clearly in pain with him doing nothing. Taking a moment to silence herself, she spoke again, trying to right it even though she wasn't sure she could. "I... I don't want to- to lose this." 'This' was referring to everything they had. All the time they'd spent together, all the things they'd said. She didn't want to lose it all and yet it was slipping away from her so easily. She felt helpless and weak as her world crashed down around her, taking her with it. She almost felt vulnerable right now, curled up and hurt in more than one way.
    [/justify]

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px;][justify][size=8]crowtalon knew what she meant. and he didn't want to lose it, either. whenever he saw her, he felt safe because she was there. she was real, tangible. he could touch her and hold her and never let go if he wanted. but he always did, eventually. he never wanted to, but he did. how could anyone ever want to let go of her? she was the essence of beauty, grace, and importance. she was perfection. when he held her, the world felt softer and sweeter.


    and yet now, her presence only gave him sadness. he wouldn't be able to handle seeing her every day and knowing that he wasn't her friend anymore. he wouldn't be able to handle seeing her smile and laugh and walk around like it was a normal day because it wouldn't be a normal day. how could anything ever be normal again when he and mosaicstar weren't friends? it was impossible.


    [color=#E2F45D]"me, neither," he replied in a whisper, wanting so badly to comfort her but not daring to move towards her.


    [justify]
    She couldn't move towards him herself. First of all, her paw was still hurting too much to walk. Secondly, she didn't want to budge. All she wanted to do was lay here and cry her eyes out for the rest of her life. There wasn't anything more to do right now, because it felt like she was losing everything. He wasn't coming to her, he wasn't helping her. He was over there while she was here and they were in the same place but not together. It was killing her.


    Burying her face in her paws, she mumbled, "Just leave me here to die." Because that was what it felt like was happening right now. Paws already stained by her tears, she added sadly, "I'm going to die without you anyway." It was all over for her if he walked away now. If he did, then that was it. She wouldn't have anything left to think about, because he was all that was on her mind right now. Just him.
    [/justify]

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px;][justify][size=8]"n-no," crowtalon countered, surprising himself with how fierce his voice was, and yet at the same time, not being surprised at all. he was trying to look cool and collected, but he was panicking on the inside. she was talking about dying. she couldn't die. he wouldn't let her. he cared about her too much to let her die and join starclan.


    [color=#E2F45D]"if you're dying, i'm dying with you," he whispered. he didn't even know why she felt this way, why she suddenly felt like she was dying, why she suddenly felt like he was a liar, but he had to convince her otherwise or he would always regret it.


    [justify]
    Oh, but this wasn't sudden. It had been building up since Pastel first arrived. And the scary thing was that she wasn't even sure that this was the peak. It hurt so much that she would have thought so, but right now she couldn't tell if this was it or if it was going to get worse. Right now, dying seemed okay. The only bad bit was that she'd have to do it nine times to be finally gone.


    At his whisper, she felt hope flare in her chest, and she murmured, "I d-don't want to leave you." Her voice was a little broken towards the end, but she ignored that. She was already a total mess right now - it didn't seem to matter so much when she was already in a heap sobbing with tears staining her fur.
    [/justify]

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px;][justify][color=black][size=8]crowtalon said nothing in response to the leader. he didn't want to leave her, either. he wanted to tell her that, but her voice and her face and her whole being, laying there broken like a porcelain doll, was destroying him from the inside out. she couldn't stay like this. he had to fix her. no matter how many cuts and bruises the process gave him, he would put the pieces back together and she would be whole again.


    the words of the song he had sand just minutes ago echoed in his mind. i didn't even say that you died.


    without a word, the jaguar bent down and aimed to envelop the femme in a comforting embrace.


    [justify]
    Without a word, she leaned into his touch, shifting to bury her face in his fur, dampening it with tears silently. Her breathing was shaky but a little stronger, shuffling closer to him by pure instinct. She wanted nothing more than to be close to him right now. She didn't want to let him go, not this time or ever again. She couldn't. He'd become a part of her and without that part of her, she'd die. Maybe the part was within her heart, keeping her sane and alive. She wasn't letting him go. She wanted him to be by her side for the rest of their lives and she couldn't help it. She didn't want him to be a background character - she wanted him to be one of the mains. Voice wobbly, she whispered, "Never l-leave me..." With that, she nuzzled into his fur, body shaking slightly but keeping silent this time, the sobs forced into quietness.
    [/justify]

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px;][justify][size=8][color=#E2F45D]"i won't," crowtalon promised softly, amazed that he was able to speak without his voice breaking like mosaicstar's. bringing her in closer, the jaguar felt safe again. he felt like their friendship was stable. he felt like everything was going to be okay in the end, which he rarely felt anymore, to be honest. he loved being so close to mosaicstar because it proved how much they cared for each other. it proved that they would protect each other and that they would stay together forever. gently pressing his head against hers, he felt three words rise in his throat, but he swallowed them back down because he knew that mosaicstar would take them in the wrong way.


    [justify]
    Funny that three words happened to be on the tip of her tongue as well, but she didn't let herself say them. He might take it wrong or might be freaked out. She didn't want to risk her relationship with him when it had just come so close to snapping in two. Resting against him, she closed her eyes, murmuring, "I believe you." And she did. She didn't want to think that he was lying any more. That wasn't him. It never had been. And she was so, so glad for that.
    [/justify]

    [fancypost borderwidth=0px;][justify][size=8][color=#E2F45D]ooc. excuse me while i die because of the craisie feels