[fancypost borderwidth=0px; width: 360px][justify][size=7pt]alright. NOT trying to fake a disorder. i've been accused of that before with my depression... not cool. so if you're just going to post about how i'm faking it, gtfo.
alright. so. i feel the need to bring up the possibility of me having DID with my counselor, but i'm not sure. DID, aka dissociative identity disorder, aka mpd, aka multiple personality disorder, is where your brain creates alter people in your mind to help you cope with things. they are usually but not always caused by repeated emotion, physical and/or sexual abuse.
while it's been questioned before about my family being emotionally abusive sometimes (a few people think my grandma is? and a lot of people say my dad is) i don't think that would be enough for it to be caused my emotional trauma. however, i have been sporting a lot of the symptoms here lately. well i've been sexually harassed and physically + emotionally bullied so maybe that's it? I dunno honestly unu
the biggest thing at this point is the time blocks and my issues with not being able to tell whether i've actually done something or not. with DID, you usually (but not always) experience "time blocks" when an alter takes control. this can cause partial or complete memory loss in the time. i've noticed especially recently that after an uncomfortable situation, an argument, a near fight, etc., i will try to think back to what happened and find that i don't remember everything. it's a little different each time. i might forget things i said, or things the other person said, or things i did, or things they did, or i might confuse the order of things that happened. it's happened on multiple occasions, and it's really really weird. i've had to give reports of a fight, or an argument, and found that i couldn't remember hardly anything. any awkward or uncomfortable situations leave me guessing and trying to fill in potholes of what happened.
regarding the other thing; every once in a while, we all have that feeling. "did i do this or was i just thinking about doing it?" "did i really do that or was i dreaming?" but seriously? it is now a daily basis. a game. i like to replay my day while laying in bed before sleeping, and it's gotten to the point where i'll have potholes, memory blocks, where i can't for the life of me remember who i was talking to, or what i said, or what they said, or if that conversation even happened at all. i have to check three or four times because i can't remember if i've actually done something or if it was just me thinking about it. i've literally thought to myself "did i actually have that conversation with my grandfather, or was i just dreaming?" and "did i really kill a roach last night, or was that fake?" the memories i have problems telling difference between fantasy and reality seem kind of hazy or foggy, and details are lost.
i feel like i'm the only real person and that no one else will ever be able properly prove to me their existence as a thinking thing. i feel like everyone is fake, just a game. from what i read, this is something people with DID tend to think? i've felt that way for a while now.
apparently the whole forgetting during stressful, uncomfortable or threatening situations can be (if the said person has DID) an alter trying to defend the host?
when i'm upset or hurting or anything, i hear someone trying to console me, and i know they're not like, in the room, or anything, but it's not an all the time thing. i tend to talk out loud to myself and my brain sort of responds sometimes without me knowing what it's going to say.
also, i've had an auditory hallucination a few times recently of a phone ringing quietly. what?
should i bring this up with my counselor next time i see him?
*if you're unsure of DID, please look it up before posting. thanks!*