Set the Stage

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    I know that the first few sentences are supposed to be the bit that really hooks your readers, and potential publishers. So, I had an idea. You can post the first sentence/paragraph of a section of writing, be it a chapter or an intro, and the next person to post tells you what they think of it before they post their own.


    Quite simply, when you read what someone has posted, does it make you want to read more? Are you interested in finding out what happens next? Does it intrigue you, puzzle you, excite you?


    I guess I'll start, anyway, even if nobody else wants to do this.


    ---

    My first memory is of waking up on a cold stone slab, astonished by my own existence.

    That's nice its dramatic and makes the reader want to find out more about why it is the narrators first memory and where the narrator is and why on earth is he/she on a stone slab.


    how about this?



    Frail headlights pierced the darkness as a black SUV rounded the corner. A traveler on a night such as tonight was a spectacle, and the driver knew it. Tonight was on of the lawless. The lawless were nights when there was no law, no safety, no protection. Everything was legal, even murder, but that was on drivers agenda tonight.

    My thoughts on that one was confusion and curiosity. Why were there lawless nights? Why? is the question on our minds, and we continue reading... in order to find out why.


    Here's mine.


    My head roared with pain, causing me to groan and try to open my eyes. I feel the motion, but I see nothing but blackness. Voices surround me, and I freak out momentarily, only feeling the cold ground beneath me instead of a soft blanket.

    Perfect it makes you think why is he in pain and where is he?


    How about this


    In a old hut in the dark woods a baby gave its first cry. Instead of this being a joyful moment however the family was filled with dread.

    Why is the family filled with dread? Why is it in the woods in the first place?


    How about this?


    Her arm solidified into a sword as she cut through the robot, emotions filling through her like a wave. She watched as the people around her nodded and took notes on her performance, but she simply looked down at her sister. Her arm turned back into a hand, and she drifted her hand over her old friend's face. She needed to get out of here.

    Why cut through the robot? And get out of where? Was this a shifter or a person? Nicely done.


    Mine:


    I glared at him. This is it. I though and grinned. The fire was spreading all around me. Only me and a distant traiter were trapped, we knew only one of us was going to survive. I spoke first, "You traiter! You think just because I said it first, you had to go behind my back! I guess someone here has to pay the price...feeling it clean on your neck..."

    Who said what? Is that a Traitor? Oh wow, why is there fire in the first place? Nice...


    Mine again...


    She was bored to death. She looked outside, her friend's gaze watching her, watching her carefully... when she jumped up with a sudden idea, turning her head around and slamming her hands on the table. "I GOT IT GUYS!" Her female friend winced at how loud Zaria was. "WE ARE GOING TO EXPLORE THAT FOREST!"


    More silence... then her friends objected loudly, fear spread across their faces.

    Thats a great opening chapter, why are they afraid of the forest?



    mine.....


    Cassie woke to find her self strapped to a hospital bed. The last to days had been a blur, but wasnt there something about a ghost and voices? She struggled against the bonds and saw a doctor coming towards her with a syringe.

    Why was she strapped? Who was this doctor? Well done.


    Mine:


    I walked hid behind a car, hopefully no one will find me. It was in the middle of a game of tag and my friend, Josh, was it. I gasped as I tripped over something. The thing that tripped me nearly made me scream. Whoever did this to and innocent boy was gonna pay. "Casey..." was all I could say.

    What had happened to the boy and how was the main charrie going to make him pay? Good job!



    Mine again



    Every neighborhood has a hunted house that gives people the chills when they go by. The house on my block however, is truly evil. I know this first hand and the thought of it makes me want to curl up and never have to face life again.

    Is there a back story to the haunted house? Why does it effect the neighborhood? Nice...


    Mine:


    I was walking up the stairs with my friend. She said goodbye and as I started walking back to my class, she fell down The Grand Staircase. I screamed as I saw my crush in front of me. He must of did this..."What is wrong with you Sam?" I asked as my friend ran up the stairway. "How did you survive?" I asked anxious. "I don't know." she says. As everyone left to go to their classes, I saw a red hair on the ground and I knew who really pushed Cassidy. It wasn't Sam at all!!!

    To put it simply- I got confused. The Grand Staircase?


    Mine:


    Magic swirled at her feet, and she willed it to bend, take a shape on her back. This would work this time. She could be like her brother. The wings started to form... then they faded, leaving some of her little hopes crushed. The scientists walked up to her, smiling as if they were wolves happening upon fresh prey which was distracted.


    "We'll have to make her drink more drugs. I thought this batch would work..." One scientist said, and one sentence screamed out in her mind. NO!

    Very nice, why didnt her power work? How did she get wings? Why are there scientists?


    As the clouds covered the moon a howl went up in the air causing Ashyn to shiver. Thunder rolled in the distance and lightning flashed. Ashyn held onto her gun and saw the cottage up ahead. She had trained for this exact moment for years and now she was having second thoughts. Her family had all been witch hunters and now she had to carry on the tradition. She busted down the door and pointed her gun at.... a little girl?

    Witch hunters? And why was there a girl in that cottage in a thunderstorm? Great job!


    Tears streamed down her face, and she tried to wipe them away. Her hand had the mark on them- a mark she had tried SO HARD to resist... and it had surfaced today. Her sister was on her Pegasus, practicing her lance skills, then looked at her face.


    "Cynthia? What's wrong?" She asked, turning her Pegasus around and trotting to her sister. Cynthia only had to cry harder. Her sister had the mark in her right eye, and she didn't even notice it. They were only pawns of that evil being, and she wished that her father was still sane. But he wasn't. He was overtaken by that evil being, and killed their mother and his friends.