Advanced RP tutor needed!

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    I've been wanting to get into advanced since I consider myself a sort of senior roleplayer(been in roleplaying for a loong time) and I sometimes find my muse lacking (but sometimes my muse is super high) and want to improve myself in not only my vocabulary but also in my roleplay skills itself so... please? Anyone?




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  • I'd be glad to help, free of charge. I wouldn't consider myself the best roll player around, but I have decent grammar and spelling if you'll have me. I've taught a few people before, and they didn't complain.

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    omg I didn't think anyone would offer themselves as a tutor! Thank you so much! Yes, I'd love to be your student!




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  • ^^ Glad you think so. Just don't get mad if I sound like your monotone English teacher. I try to make my lessons as fun as possible.
    Let's start with a prompt. I don't want you to spend half an hour typing, give me your regular muse.
    RiverClan has undergone harsh conditions for the past moon, the rivers flooding and the fish hiding away in their holes. Flounderstar has asked your cat to travel to a neighboring clan to seek assistance.

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    /sudden mind blank




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    Trotting through the land, Turtle could see the river vaguely forming in the distance. Remembering what his leader told him to do, the medium clouded leopard quickened his pace into a slow jog. Nearing the river, the large cat looked from the flowing water to the opposite side. Thunderclan, Turtle thought in slight distaste. Though he was adapted into Riverclan, the young warrior never liked swimming at all and he knew not of any other way to get to the neighboring clan.




    He shook his head. Shush, Turtle, leave your dislikes for later. It's for Riverclan, he reminded himself, dipping into the water. He kicked and pawed at the water sloppily. He made a mental note to get some more practoce with swimming. By the time he reached the other side, he was already greeted with a ThunderClan patrol. Time to go through with my quest.
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  • Trotting through the land, Turtle could see the forming river vaguely in the distance. Remembering what his leader told him to do, the medium clouded leopard quickened his pace into a slow jog. Nearing the river, the large cat looked from the flowing water to the opposite side. ThunderClan, Turtle thought in slight distaste. Though he was adapted into Riverclan, the young warrior never liked swimming at all and [ he knew not ] (could be "he didn't know", but this is correct as it is) of any other way to get to the neighboring clan.


    He shook his head. Shush, Turtle. Leave your dislikes for later. It's for Riverclan, he reminded himself, dipping into the river. He kicked and pawed at the water sloppily, making a mental note to get some more practice with swimming. By the time he reached the other side, a ThunderClan patrol greeted the leopard. Time to go through with my quest.(Maybe this last part could be: Alright, let's get this done. or instead of "done", you could say "over with" if Turtle isn't enjoying the quest.)


    I know it's a bit sketchy, but I'm trying my best to correct your work. It was good, by the way, but I found some issues with repetition.

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    Oh I see. I didn't realize I made those mistakes, I was sorta rushing through...




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  • It's fine. Usually you don't spend a whole lot of time to edit your posts.
    We'll just practice some more. Try this:
    Your character is owned by twolegs, they never allow him/her to go outside, so he/she is unable to fend for himself/herself when they leave the nest and never return. Your character must find a way to survive.

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    Alright




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    Pershy stared out of the transparent surface, watching the birds outside fly and sing, though she couldn't hear them. The fluffy white cat sighed and pawed at the glass longingly before glancing back at the entrance of her housefolk's nest. Frowning, she hopped off the window sill and went to her litter box. It stunk worse than a skunk making dirt. Pershy went away from it, instead going to her automatic water bowl. She wished her housefolk would return already; it's been days since they've gone and hadn't returned. The pampered she-cat grew worried, not only for her but she hopes her housefolk were okay as well. Her water was running scarcely low and she barely had any food left.




    Glancing to the window again, she hissed slightly,"I'm going to have to break it, somehow." Pershy sighed and padded to the window again, jumping up and scratching at the glass. After about five minutes, the she-cat sighed, giving up. Then, an idea sprung in her head. Clearin her throat a tiny bit, Pershy started yelling and meowing at the top of her lungs, wishing desperately for someone to come and save her from the trap she now lived in. She kept yelling, and screaming, and hissing for help until her throat got sore and soon enough, she heard a knocking noise in the front door. She stopped for a moment and quickly made a run for the front door. "Yes! Yes, I'm here!" she exclaimed, clawing at the door. There was a thumping sound hitting the door. Then another and another. The door was busted open by more upwalkers and the she-cat swore she had never been happier before.
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  • Pershy stared out of the transparent surface, watching the birds outside fly and sing, though she couldn't hear them. The fluffy white cat sighed, pawing at the glass longingly before glancing back at the entrance of her housefolk's nest. Frowning, she hopped off the windowsill and made her way to her litter box. It stunk worse than a skunk making dirt. Pershy went away from it, instead going to her water bowl that filled automatically. She wished her housefolk would return already; it's been days since they've gone and they haven't returned. The pampered she-cat grew worried, not only for her, but she hoped her housefolk were okay as well. Water was running scarcely low and she barely had any food left.


    Glancing to the window again, she hissed softly to herself,"I'm going to have to break it(no comma needed) somehow." Pershy sighed and padded to the window once more, jumping up and scratching at the glass. After about five minutes, the she-cat sighed, giving up. Then, an idea sprung in her head. Clearing her throat(You can't clear your throat a "tiny bit", but you could say "quietly" or "in preparation".), Pershy meowed at the top of her lungs, wishing desperately for someone to come and save her from the trap she now lived in. She kept yelling, ("and" is used too much)screaming, and hissing for help until her throat got sore. Soon enough, she heard a knocking noise coming from the front door. She stopped for a moment, making a run for the familiar banging. "Yes! Yes, I'm here!" she exclaimed, clawing at the door. There was a thumping sound, then another and another. [color=red]Upwalkers busted open the door, and the she-cat swore that she was more happy now than she'd ever been in her whole life.(Sentence structure is altered.)


    I found many issues with repetition, mostly with the words "and" and some starter words like "went".

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    Oh yeah, I do have a problem with that..




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  • Then we'll work on that first. Let's start with vocabulary, then we can work on breaking down and joining sentences.
    I want you to give me 5 synonyms for each word, or a word that can be used in it's place, using a thesaurus or dictionary. Remember these to help make your sentences amazing.
    Ex. Smile
    •beam
    •grin
    •smirk, ect.
    (I'm cutting mine short for demonstration purposes, but I don't want to see "ect." on any of your answers.)


    Forum(please copy and paste):
    1. Said





    2. Walked





    3. Happy





    4. She




  • Alright.


    1. Said
    • answered
    • replied
    • responded
    • explained
    • uttered


    2. Walked
    • strolled
    • trudged
    • padded
    • roamed
    • strutted


    3. Happy
    • gleeful
    • joyful
    • lively
    • excited
    • delighted


    4. She
    • the girl
    • the lady
    • ma'am
    • miss
    • gal

  • Very good.
    Now, using one word from each of your lists, I want you to create a sentence. Make it as descriptive as possible.

  • One sentence? Okay.


    Skipping down the grey sidewalk, frilly skirt bouncing, the girl, wearing a neon pink outfit with red bows tied in her hair, exclaimed excitedly,"I can't wait for Kim's party tomorrow! I'm buying the prettiest outfit and maybe I'll even catch Scott's eye!"


  • Skipping down the grey sidewalk, frilly skirt bouncing, the girl, wearing a neon pink outfit with red bows tied in her hair, exclaimed excitedly,(space needed) "I can't wait for Kim's party tomorrow! I'm buying the prettiest outfit and [maybe I'll](You could say "I might" instead to make it flow better.) even catch Scott's eye!"


    Great job. If you ever feel you don't have a proper amount of vocabulary in your sentences, just get out a thesaurus. That's what they're for.
    We'll work on sentence structure now. I'm going to give you some sentences that could use some work, and I want you to fix them without changing the meaning. Simple enough?


    Forum(please copy and paste):
    1. She walked her dog and she almost tripped but did not, luckily.


    2. Beetlehorn dipped his paw in the water and pulled out a fish then he bit it to make it stop it's wiggly behavior.


    3. Strange, is it not, to examine the fresh green leaves of the summer time change into a beautiful red only to fall off and whither?

  • Okay


    1. She walked her dog and she almost tripped but did not, luckily.
    ⇒ Walking her dog, the girl felt her foot skid the ground which caused her heart to jolt for an instant, but luckily she had caught herself before falling.


    2. Beetlehorn dipped his paw in the water and pulled out a fish then he bit it to make it stop it's wiggly behavior.
    ⇒ Dipping his paw in the running water, Beetlehorn quickly smacked the fish out of the river before sinking his jaws in it in order to halt its wiggly behavior.


    3. Strange, is it not, to examine the fresh green leaves of the summer time change into a beautiful red only to fall off and whither?
    ⇒ Isn't it strange to study the lively emerald leaves of summer grow into a stunning scarlet just to fall off and whither?

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    (Couldn't find anything wrong here, though the sentence structure could be edited a bit to make this sound better, but that's a higher level than we're on.)


    Let's pause with this, great job by the way, and work on tense. I'll give you some words, you'll tell me if they are past tense or present tense.


    Forum(You get the gist. XD):
    1. exploded


    2. dash


    3. whistling


    4. meows


    5. swam


    6. blows

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    [size=20pt]Courage is the Magic...[/size]

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    [size=20pt]...That turns Dreams Into Reality[/size]

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    Funny how I just learned about this in LAC last week... orz


    1. exploded
    ♪past tense


    2. dash
    ♪future


    3. whistling
    ♪present?


    4. meows
    ♪present


    5. swam
    ♪past


    6. blows
    ♪present



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  • Good. "Dash" can also be present tense if it's worded correctly. "Whistling" is in fact present tense, because "whistled" is the past tense form of the word.
    I'll give you another prompt, and then I'll see how we are on vocabulary and sentence structure, okay?
    Your character is only a kit, in whichever clan you like, and one day he/she spots an unusual sight. Outside one of the Twoleg places, a large Twoleg kit has another smaller Twoleg kit pinned against the wall, yelling. Your character is close enough to them that he/she can smell blood — and fear. What is a soft-hearted kit to do at a time like this?