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[align=center]When I wake up, I'm afraid,
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[size=20pt]Lancecorporal
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{{ic;
Beep
Lancecorporal was by no means smiling this time around, anycat who was watching would see the pain behind those eyes as he swiftly climbed onto the large limb.
He stared hatefully at the dark lense, closing his eyes after he let his gaze fall to the floor. He'd been holding his breath this whole time without knowing, and he let out as broken sigh.
"I have anxiety and panic attacks all the time, you know. There's nothing like the constricting and utter terror you feel when the last straw breaks."
Corporal laughed softly, opening his eyes slowly to reveal slowly forming tears.
"I was born to a lovely she cat, my darling maman, her name is Belle."
Lancecorporal did not speak in past tense, even though he knew full and well that she was dead.
"My father was reserved, intelligent and truly uncaring. He was named Felix, the irony."
He did not bother using present tense when speaking of Felix, he was dead, and dead he would always remain to the blue male.
"I remember how my mother told me they met. She had been the pet of a wealthy, kind hearted human in France, my father was the leader of a family of strays, Les Réprouvés. My Maman had met him when she had gotten lost in the city, they fell in love, Felix had promised her that he would leave his family. He didn't, of course. They moved closer to the country side, and little did my dear Maman know, Les Reprouves had followed. Felix was their leader, they were all blood, and like many of the felines in France, myself and my mother included, they were pure blooded Chartreux. Humans bred us for their homes, hardy and expensive treasures that happened to be living things."
Lancecorporal gave the lense another cold stare.
"I was their first and only child. My father's heir to the blood soaked throne he had built."
His claws slid out, gripping the limb like death was trying to pull him off.
"Of course he was disappointed. I was weak, thin, short, I was like my mother, back then.", the male looked terribly nostalgic. "I loved life back then, I loved my mother most. That was before my father decided to try and turn me into him... oh, how he succeeded."
Lancecorporal's voice quivered now.
"My Maman did not know, of course, I was too much of a coward to say anything. He drained me of color. Felix took me apart, broke me into minuscule pieces and proceeded to shape me in his very image. He had his associates train me as well, he would give them permission to do as they pleased to me, not that they dared. They knew I was to rule them someday, I guess some of the smarter ones decided to try and stay on my good side. Others..."
Corporal shuddered, looking down.
"My father walked in on one of my, 'punishments' once. I remember him throwing his own mindless bodyguard off of me, I vaguely remember hearing the bastard yowling as my father ripped out his heart. Felix then stood over me before spitting in my face, calling me a worthless piece of *. Telling me how much he hated me, how much he wanted to see my blood paint the walls."
Lancecorporal laughed dryly once more, looking into the lense with tears rushing down his cheeks.
"I remember a beating I had been taking from my father's second in command. I remember my father watching, ready to throw him off. Oro, I remember his name being. I remember looking my father in the eye before ripping out Oro's thoat. I can still see how proud my father had looked. I hated it. I hated him... I wanted him to hate me. I hate him."
Lancecorporal was silent before looking away, truly shaken.
"My Maman would ask me where the bruises came from. I remember how my father lied to hide it. I will never forget the way she looked at me. The questions that she was asking, I was too scared to answer them at all. I remember when I answered them, I was about eight moons. She slapped my father before running away with me, she took me into the city. My father had made many enemies, you see, so many enemies. One who wanted his position in Les Reprouves. My Maman had went round a corner, and I followed, Felix was right behind us. The cat, Boran had been with his henchmen. They saw us... The taller cat held me down. He held me down to-"
He paused.
"To watch them tear my parents apart. I remember feeling nothing, I did not cry. They beat me before throwing me to the side. For a long time, I did not cry. I found my father's group moons later, I took over, I... did things I will never be able to forgive myself for. After two years, I left, I found a home with an old human male who had a large farm, I stayed there because I hated myself, I wanted to get away from my old life.", he wiped his cheeks tenderly, his voice softening, "He had a little puppy. A sheep dog named Dianne. She worshipped me for some ungodly reason. The little fuzzball taught me how to be, alive again. But-I just couldn't-", Lance bit his lip so hard that it bled, "I couldn't save her. The family found me again, and they, they killed my little sunshine.", the Chartreux was holding so much pain in, it would soon burst.
"I broke my left paw pounding on the barn door trying to save her. A week later I left France, I jumped on a human ship and found this place..."
Lancecorporal found his composure, staring into the still running camera.
"I want whoever sees this to know my deeds. I want you to know that I am guilty for hundreds upon hundreds of deaths. When judgement comes, I want whoever is damning me to recite the names of everyone I have ever hurt, so that maybe one day I could find them all, and apologize, I want to say sorry to Projunda as well. I want to say sorry to Ferdinand and his children. I want everyone to know I am wrong... Most of all, I want Audioprime to know that I adore him. If you watch this Audioprime..."
"Je t'aime."
The blue male drew in a shaky breath.
"You make me want to be better. I want to grow old with you, and when I do die, I want to be staring into your eyes, I want to hear you mirror my words as I say, Je t'aime."
{{ooc;[font=georgia]
;-; I love you all.
I'm such a bad person for doing this to Lance, but I needed to get his backstory out there. So there it is. Right there. *flies into the sun*
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[align=center][size=10][color=white][font=georgia]somebody else might take my place.
[align=right][color=white][font=times new roman][size=5pt](c) dяeɑmyғish .[/size]
[color=transparent]#dreamydidit
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