Warrior Cat Fan Fiction ~ Book 1 [ Chapters 1 - 5]

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    Hey guys. So I thought of doing a story! 8)


    Cats [made up Thunderclan, riverclan, shadowclan and windclan.] ;)


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    CHAPTER ONE:
    It was a cool, windy day. A sharp prod awoke the sleeping, pale grey she cat. " Oi!" She groaned.
    " Wake up!" A golden ginger she cat mewed. GhostPaw sat up and brought her paw over her ear. " FlameStar is calling a meeting!" GhostPaw jumped to her paws and the two cats sped out of the den. On top of the rock, a dark ginger Tom stood, head held high. His yowl echoed around the clearing. Quickly, GhostPaw and GoldenPaw sat down. " We are here today to talk about RiverClan!" A chorus of murmurs spread through the cats. " Those stupid furballs!" GhostPaw heard DustHeart meow.
    But before FlameStar could speak once more, BlackPelt raised his voice. " We should attack!" The next words froze GhostPaw's heart. " We will attack at once!"



    Sorry but I will add Chapter two tomorrow! ;) ;) ;)

    Hi, horsego.


    I'm a fanfic writer too, so I like your beginning paragraph.


    However, I found it a little abrupt - even though it was only meant to be an opening paragraph, it lacked any real introduction. I suggest that there is a little part about a dream Ghostpaw was having (or something like that) before she is prodded awake.


    Furthermore, I like your use of adjectives to describe the opening scene but there is kind of a rush of them - too many at once.


    Finally (and this is minor) in the Warriors books, the second part of a cat's name is NOT capatilized (despite this, you can see across the WCRPG website that many people do this.


    Please don't take my criticism too seriously, overall it is pretty good and you should write more. I'll be watching for your next chapter :)