Advice on conversations?

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    Okay so this isn't really serious but it's really been bothering me lately. I can't speak to anyway that I don't know on a personal level. I can't even hold a casual conversation with someone.


    So me and my bestfriend have honors earth science together and my crush just happens to sit right behind me. One day me and her were talking about Mayday Parade, just chatting about the album when he buts in to start talking about his favorite album, I legitimately freeze up and don't say anything even though he was clearly trying to talk to me. I just couldn't even say two words to him and it got extremely awkward.


    Then it happened to me two days ago in Friendly's. I couldn't even order another drink, I was so afraid of the waiter that I told my mom to order one if the waiter came while I was in the bathroom so I purposely stayed in there for like 10 minutes just so I didn't have to order.


    Then AGAIN today he was asking me for some answers that I had that my crush didn't and to make it 10xs worse he smelt so damn good, it is unbelieveable that a guy can smell that good. So that was kinda his fault, but all I could do was hand him my paper.


    In math I'm stuck with all sophomores and I can't even socialize with them. They are super nice though and always wanna work with me but I always tell them I want to work alone because it's so awkward. They'll try to talk to me but I can't keep the conversation going, it just fades into awkward silence. I honestly don't even know what to do anymore, it is seriously becoming an issue

    [font=tahoma][size=11px] Really, the hard part is plucking up the courage to do something like that, and that takes confidence. Acting like you're confident could actually make you MORE assertive and outgoing, but that hard part is the actual push.


    1. Try to address your anxiety at its roots. Why were you so afraid to order? The waiter is there to serve you, but you just froze with the question on the tip of your tongue. Trust me, this happens to teenagers/young adults a LOT because your brain is literally over-analyzing every little situation. Don't be afraid to blurt things out, as long as they are appropriate in the situation.
    2. Sit up straighter, smile more, and keep yourself reasonably well-groomed -- these small changes tend to boost self-esteem bucket loads at a time over the long term.
    3. If you have an Improv or Debate team, join it. It doesn't matter how bad you are at doing those topics -- with a bit of practice you'll get better at A) thinking about what the others are thinking accurately and B) coming up with things to say when the conversation hits a bumpy road.
    4. People like compliments. Give sparingly, avoid sounding cheesy, and try to go with personality traits rather than appearance (You're so smart! vs. I love your shoes!)
    5. Questions. Questions, questions, questions. People like being asked about themselves because they are the topic that they know most about. Ask about interests and hobbies and steer clear of opinionated conversation if you don't know the person all that well.
    6. Be a good listener. Introverted or extroverted, people love attention. Keep eye contact to show you are listening, really try to understand what they are trying to say, and make small gestures like smiling or furrowing your eyebrows when you think it's necessary. If you make the person feeling the the most interesting person in the world, they'll be a lot more open towards you.
    7. Don't focus the conversation on yourself for too long, and don't interrupt your conversation to tell a funny anecdote about yourself or make a comment. Getting to know someone else has a lot to do with selflessness.
    8. Try to imagine yourself in the person's shoes. It really does help you determine what you should say next, but remember to stay polite.
    9. If they seem really excited, stick to that subject. If you don't know much about it, ask them to fill you in, 'real quick'.
    10. Be yourself! If you really want to tell them something, spit it out. Chances are it'll make you less of a conversation machine and more as an individual, quirky character! (: You already have natural charm; all you have to do is polish it.


    Things not say:
    I don't care.
    Who cares?
    ... seriously?
    Oh, you're lying.
    I'm pretty sure that's not true.
    *any sort of grammar correction; trust me, this isn't the way to go*
    Get out! (this is an expression in the UK that may be misinterpreted in the US)


    Good conversation topics:
    Nutella. Food. Of. The. Gods. (only say this to people you are pretty sure like nutella)
    Have you heard about the *news*? (steer away from politics and religion)
    Bleeeh. Mornings.


    It's always good to have a friend around as well.
    Remember: Be expressive and smile! (: Smiles are bloody gorgeous.

    What you have is called social anxiety, which is actually quiet common now. Back when I was high school, I had it so bad, that I would sit for five minutes until I had enough courage to ask my teacher a simple yes or no question. I only got over it when I joined my school's anime club, which is full of people that don't really care who you are. By having a common interest, I was able to more easily fall into conversations without being judged. You could do the same with your classmates. Find a interest that is common with the rest of the world and when you suddenly fall into a conversation, ask whether they like it or not. Have courage, and don't be afraid of being judged. Who can judge you for liking the same thing? You also have to mentally understand that servers are there to serve you, and your group partners are there to get things done. By being the leader of the group and contributing the most to answering questions, you will become the "boss", and frankly, you don't have to talk about anything other than what you're working on, even during class you're supposed to be focusing on your work.


    Improving the way you look can also help you build confidence. At the time I wore jackets to school everyday, and kept them closed because it was way too cold in there and my clothes were too big for me. Now I wear nice clothes that are my size, have a short haircut so I would stop pulling my hair back, and buy stylish jackets. I never wore makeup, and still don't. :P If your social anxiety causes you to over analyze things, improving certain things about you can help you worry less.

    Although I personally did not have that much experience hanging with friends, I often found myself in the same boat as you. It was hard to confront the boys I like. I found that as time goes on it gets easier as well as all the good advice Vespertine gave you. I remember having one guy I really did like and I got all tongue-tied around him. It wasn't until my senior year when I was able to talk to him, without feeling all awkward. But everybody is different, and so you shouldn't actually think that by senior year rolls around that you're totally comfortable with crushes. Or that it takes that long to be able to say a few words to someone you like.


    And Like Vespertine said as well to get out of your 'comfort zone' and try your hardest to socialize with other people you don't know. I've pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone and I've found that more people will be willing to talk to you and get to know you. It was a hard lesson for me because, I often stuck to myself in corners of classrooms and other things. But when I plucked up the courage to get up and socialize the people, who didn't know I existed actually talked to me and we made plenty of good conversations.