Condemned (Semi-Advanced)

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    "Allison's face flushed a light pink, almost unnoticable, almost. Sure, what he said was normal, but it didn't sound that way to her. She opened het mouth to say something but then stopped. Before, Cade had been the only one to worry or care about her, but he was family, James wasn't. "I guess that true, but I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about." Even if she denied it, she couldnt deny herself that it made her genuinely happy.

    James smiled gently up at her, then turned back to his food so he could eat before it got cold. "All the same, when you start worrying about yourself more, I'll maybe start worrying about myself, too." Maybe it was just his own opinion, but he didn't think he was very important overall. He was good as a scapegoat, but that was just about all. He wasn't a hero, but he had too much of a heart to be a villain. James felt that his main purpose would have been to die so that tensions between the kingdoms might ease a little.

    "That's never going to happen. I just can't worry about myself. I think its strange if I do it. That's probably the only reason I've lived this long. I never really cared if I got hurt as long as I could come home and hope to see Cade." She said, maybe a bit too bluntly, but it was true, she never even thought about worrying about herself. "But you gave me something to worry about. But you won't be selfish at all. I cant really complain, and decide I'd rather worry about me." She said, smiling back at him, happy he was eating.

    He listened silently, and even when she had finished he was quiet for a little while, eating hungrily. When he looked up at her again, it was to say, "You can hardly expect me to worry about myself when you can't bring yourself to do the same. Besides, if you're looking out for me, then someone needs to look out for you...and I will do that to the best of my ability. But thank you for the complement, such as it was." James wasn't quite sure what to make of her opinion on him. He had never thought of himself as being particularly selfless...what was it that made her see that in him?

    "I can expect it, it doesn't mean that will happen though." She said, her face showing she wasn't content with what he had said at all. "But you do realize that you don't need to watch out for me. I can still take care of myself." She said with a small laugh, shaking her head slightly.

    It was obvious that she hadn't liked what he said, and for a moment James cringed back, hoping to avoid harsh words or actions. Even though what she said hadn't been meant to hurt, it still did. 'You don't need to watch out for me. I can still take care of myself.' It translated so easily into harsher words, colder ones. 'Why would you even think that you could look out for me? Don't even bother. I can take care of myself even when I have to drag you along. You're the only one here that needs other people.' He refused to meet her gaze, shame reddening his face. "I- I know," he said, and his voice was soft and just a little bit hurt.

    She blinked, confused as to why he sounded hurt. She knew it was something she'd said, but she didn't know what. "What's wrong?" She asked. She might not have been able to see his face, but she could at least hear and understand that he was hurt, just through his voice. "What'd I do?" She asked, still quite confused.

    James took a long, shaking breath, trying to pull himself together. What came next was almost routine after years with his parents, as he internalized the emotions and did his best to appear as though everything was alright. "Nothing's wrong," he said, and his voice only shook slightly as he said it. His parents would have left it at that and gone back to their normal business, but he didn't know how Allison would react. She might not be so easy to convince.

    Allison fell silent for a moment, just looking at James. "If you talk like that, I'll know you're lying to me. Tell me what's wrong." She said, coming off rather harshly, though she didn't like being lied to, especially when it involved her. "I'm not an idiot, I can tell when people lie to me." She added, falling silent. She'd lived her life in a specific way, one that forced to be able to tell when people lied to her, and James was one of the worst liars she's heard.

    He flinched hard, moving back as far as he could despite the pain this sent up and down his back. "I- I'm sorry! I didn't want to upset you by making you think you'd hurt me at all. I- I know I'm useless and a burden and that you don't need me to worry about you because you're able to take care of yourself and me without help and that you probably want me to worry about myself so that you won't have to anymore...but it still doesn't feel good when I'm reminded of that." James looked at her with wide, frightened eyes, his hands instinctively coming up as though to ward off an attack.

    James' reaction surprised her, and made her jump back slightly, and blink a few times, trying to understand what just happened. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, whatever it was that I did." She said, shaking her head at his words. "Yes, I can take care of myself, and you. That's how I grew up. Me and Cade had to support each other, or one, or both of us would be dead. But I want you to worry about yourself because you just don't seem to really care what happens to you." She said, sighing. "I've never even thought of you being worthless or a burden, and I've never hurt you. I don't understand why you act like I have." She said, clearly frustrated with the situation, about ready to leave, not exactly wanting to start yelling over something stupid like a misunderstanding, not only that, but James clearly thought she'd hurt him.

    "I- I haven't ever really mattered to anyone, even you," he said softly. "And so I don't always care about what happens to me because whatever happens, it's not going to have a significant impact on anyone. If I die, who loses out? Just me. I- I'm sorry for upsetting you. I didn't mean to, really...I didn't. I-" Whatever he was about to say was cut off by a bought of coughing. They came fast and violent and harsh, shaking his frame. The plate of food, only partially-eaten, slipped off his lap. And when the fit finally began to die down and he took his arm away, there was blood on his sleeve.

    Allison sat in silence as he coughed, only moving when he was done. She started cleaning up the food that had spilled, standing back up. "You need to lay down and rest, especially if you're coughing up blood. You can eat more later." She said simply, walking toward the door. "If that's the way you feel, I can't stop you. But I also don't want to hear about it. You don't know hoe I feel, and never assume you do again." She said, though, she no longer sounded angry. She sounded indifferent now. And with that she walked out of the room, not saying anything else.

    James flinched, but then the words started to pour out fast and desperate. "No, I'm not laying down. Not until I know. There's never been anyone who really truly cared about me before, Allison, and I wanted to believe that you did, but it's so easy to read you as being indifferent or seeing me as a burden, because that's what I'm used to and I don't know how to tell if someone really cares. And now you're cold and maybe angry inside because I assumed that you were like everybody else because I didn't know how else to read you and I though it would be too good to be true if there were someone out there who actually legitimately cared about me. And if you did it's probably too late now, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, and I would do anything for you to forgive me because if you really care or really did, that- that's the most precious thing in the world to me and I don't want to lose it." He knew all them talking couldn't be good for him and that she probably wasn't paying any attention, but he couldn't quite stop.

    "If I didn't care about you, I would have let you die when you were hurt. I could have ignored you and let you bleed to death." She said, looking back at him. "You did assume I was like everyone else you've met. But you should already know that I'm not. You even assumed I would physically hurt you. I have a right to be angry with you. Now lay down." She said, walking out of the room, and the soon the house, leaving with a slam of the door, and Cade yelling something about her being angry.

    James did not lay down, although his back hurt and his throat was sore from all the coughing. Laying down made him feel so useless, and he didn't want to feel that way anymore. Rather, he pulled his knees to his chest, rested his head on them, and started to cry quietly. He cried for what had been and might never be again, for his own stupidity in probably ruining everything, for the things that could have been if he had just learned to keep his mouth shut. I'm such an idiot, not even being able to see when she was different than everyone else. I know there was something different, but I didn't know what it was, and now I only know it because it's probably gone.

    Allison was sitting near the river, a little ways away from the house. She sat in silence, seething with anger. Cade got up after a while, walking back into the room, standing by the door, looking toward James. "Now, what could you have done to make so angry? I don't think I've seen her like that in a while." Cade said, crossing his arms while he waited for an answer of some sort.

    He didn't look up. "I- I assumed that she didn't care about me because no one else ever has and I'd sort of thought that maybe she just did everything because she could use it as leverage later. I- I didn't tell her entirely the last part, but she got mad and I was scared and didn't know what to do and that only made her angrier." James clasped his hands over the back of his head, as though the action could hide him where he sat.

    Cade looked at James, shaking his head, and sighing. "That can't be everything. Can it? She seemed too angry for it to just be that. Though, I'd probably be angry too, had I been the one who brought you here." Cade said, not really wanting to ask Allison while she was angry, figuring she'd either yell, ir not even answer him.

    "I- I moved back when she got upset, because she's not really been like that to me before and I'm used to getting hurt when someone's mad, and I said that I've never really mattered to anyone, even her, and that she probably wanted me to start worrying about myself so she wouldn't have to anymore, and I- I started coughing up blood." He curled up just a little more tightly, knowing that whatever affection Allison might have had for him, Cade had even less.