plz look and critique my charrie

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    Character Name: beauty paw, gem, star


    Gender: she


    Clan/Group{if any}: thunder clan


    Rank{if any}: aprentise, wariur, leder


    Appearance: beautiful cat with spakrling fur that can change colors and eyes that chage colors to mood and she can shape shift she also wers a gloing sliver neclace that keeps the powwers she thinks all of it is a curs so she is depressed alot but everyon in the clan depends on her the leader and evryon else listen to her and bow down to her


    Personality: kind but when shes mad she can sumon powers to kill whoever made her mad pretty all the toms lov her perfect everyone like her


    History: she was born beautiful everyone was blind form her beaty when she grew up star clan gave her manificet powers making her the most powwerfull cat ever her parents died and she thinks its her falt

    Not to sound mean, But there are many spelling errors and starclan would usually not exclude other cats to make just one the most powerful, she sounds Mary-sue-ish, and making everyone love her is just plain weird.
    No offense, But Moxiestar would probably not chose someone to be there deputy if they acted like this, or if starclan really had that much believe in her that she could have already been leader, and making her so perfect and all that, It just excludes a lot of cats from her live, like if she were to find her true love, other jealous toms may kill him. Making her perfect also means everyone would want to be-friend her, until realizing there jealous of her powers, and then she would just kill them.
    No offense, but this does not sound so very realistic or actually Warriors-like.
    Sorry for my harshness.


    Hmm. I have to agree with Yellow, but I haven't seen you around roleplaying her "perfectness" so that's good. All the others with Sues do that. Um, do you have a spelling corrected? I don't know if computers have that :-/


    ☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☀


    Well, mine does. And no offense, and I have a lot of Charries in TC, And I have not seen you once, so maybe this perfectness doesn't really exist and the way you described her personality is "She is happy when people say she's perfect and she will use her so called powers to destroy anyone who has there own opinion."
    So, yeah she might kill a lot of people because they may not know her perfectness...
    and if starclan saw her doing this, killing and mis-using her powers, don't you think maybe they would have taken it away by now?


    Maybe you should post on a thread that can help you, like those titled "Character Help! Ask Me!" Or something like that.


    ☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☀


    yeah, Your cat seems really unrealistic, from personality to appearance, to history to planned leader, you cant plan that.

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